my head is on a rollercoaster

[mezmorize]

We have been living together for 4 ½ years
I am opening my heart and my mind today to help my confusion. I am obsessed with questioning my relationship. Maybe I need mental help and should talk to someone… one minute here I am thinking about how many bridesmaids I am going to have. Sometimes I search for wedding gowns and places. The next minute I feel like I can’t stand him and that I can’t be with him and I need to break up with him. I sometimes have such a blast with him, but find myself complaining in my head about him while I am with him. Why can’t he hold my hand? How come he never listens? He is so selfish all about him him him. Then I remember all these exciting things he has done for me. then I obsess about how he hasn’t asked me to marry him, whats wrong with me? why hasn’t he committed to me? he didn’t buy a house with me, but lives with me. we have nothing joint it’s all him or me nothing together. Why do I obsess about our future and what we are not doing if I am not even sure about him?

[Bumble_bee]

there is a tad of resentment in what you say, what has happened to make you feel like this?

You sound as though you love him, but you do not trust him. What is it he needs to do to make you feel secure. Not everyone has the same take on commitment, perhaps in his mind, he is perfectly commited by living in? t Have you discussed marriage or other commitments other than living together? unless you have, your expecting him to know what your expectations are of him and a long term relationship, talking to him will certainly come clean whether he has the same views on marriage, commitment etc.

You should be having these words with him.

[mezmorize]

no pressure, but I do resent him for it. i find myself fighting with him about it. He knows what I want, and i know he is saving for it, but jeez how long does it take a person to save?

I saw all my friends meet a guy, fall in love and boom engaged and married! here i am watching, planning their weddings and now i really question if i am just with the wrong person.

[Bumble_bee]

have you both decided how much you would like to spend? how come HE is saving?

has there been a genuine proposal of marriage, if this is the case then I imagine you would both be planning the finances together.

For many marriage is not the be all and end all in a relationship, and it is not fair to resent him for not popping the question, neither is it fair to give ultimatums of marriage, that's not how you want your marriage to come around is it.

Ask yourself why the big need to get married. Do you resent him for not having the same ideals as you?

[mezmorize]

I don't pressure him at all! I just think I am getting into little arguments with him cause he hasn't asked me or anything. part of me wants to marry him and the other part thinks if it's been this long and he hasn't asked me it will never happen and it's not meant to be.

[Bumble_bee]

you might not be saying point blank ''I want to get married because this relationship means nothing to me unless we are married'' but you are certainly picking fights because of it, this to me is pressure on the relationship as a whole...

I asked why you place so much importance on marriage, is the relationship doomed to fail becasue you guys won't get hitched?

[mezmorize]

i want to get married. i want to have children. to me for some odd reason, it's important. i must be 1 of those strange people who want to share a life with someone. hmm. marriage maybe a piece of paper to some people, but it means a lot to me.

[Bumble_bee]

Whilst I understand what you are saying, I think that you place too much importance on this as a priority. Marriage may be a symbol for some,and it may well signify a commitment, but that piece of paper does not determine a successful relationship. For it to be successful and happy, you need to get the things like trust, commitment, sharing, loving etc down way BEFORE the big question.ose things down, then you should feel toatlly secure and happy with how things are now, you should of course let him know your long term outlook on the relationship, like you expect to get married before your biological clock ticks past.

If marriage is important to you, then you want to get it right.

So if you have th

[Gigabitch]

I'm not convinced that he's your Forever guy. Marriage is supposed to be for the rest of your life. Do yourself a favor and really, really think about that before you decide you want to get married. The right one is worth waiting for.

[entrepreneur724]

No man will want to marry you if you don't appreciate what they give you or make him feel he is failing at making you happy. My bf broke up with me and it took me a little to figure out why...I always wanted more than what he was giving me. It sucks realizing it too late. If you know he loves you, and you love him, then just enjoy what you have now and show him that he makes you happy---you may only feel unhappy because your "expectations" are not being met---stop expecting so much, enjoy what you have and show it. I wish I did. If you're not happy for other reasons then break up and move on

Agreed