Help...Sleeping with my Neighbor

[boldblondie]

i moved into a new townhouse a few months ago. I immediatly hit it off with my neighbor. We have spent many nights outside drinking wine and conversing about many topics. We have alot in common. We had a natural chemisty and connection to each other. We have went on camping trips where i met some of his other friends and had a great time. About a month ago we started sleeping with each other on a regular basis, we have not stated to each other that we are dateing one another by any means. However, the other night after some wonderful sex he was ying beside me and and told me how I am one of the sexiest women he has ever been with, and that he enjoys my mind, how i carry myself and that i have just completly rocked his world and how he respects me. He has told me he has never been one to chase women and he has only been with a handful of women. He also told me prior to us sleeping to gether in one of our conversations that he would like to find a woman but did not want a "hit and run" that he wanted something "more substantal"

So not wanting to rush things I am just going with the flow, i want things to just naturally progress, however, i can not deny i am developing feelings. I am just not sure if this is just a friends with benifits or pehaps he is feeling a little more. And then to make matters worse over the weekend i went to visit my parents and he and my male cousin who is my room mate as well and a friend of his. They went to a friends house over the weekend and apparently there was some pretty hard partying and my cousin picked up a few girls, i was informed that my cousin and him and these girls engaged in some group sex activity. He did say that my fellow did not have actuall "sexual intercourse" but i am not sure if he is telling me the truth or not.

When he told me this i became very upset, i realized that i really like this man, but i am not sure how to handle this. I mean we are not boyfriend/girlfriend but i dont like the idea of sleeping with someone knowing they have slept with someone else too. And i have also given the thought of just stopping this now before i get too emotionally involved. I am just not sure where he is and i would like to continue seeing him but this incident has really got me kind of messed up. Please advise on how to proceed.

[girl68]

If you are close friends with him and your cousin did NOT swear you to secrecy I would bring it up. It's the point in the "relationship" that you need to know answers. If he's a friend like you claim you should be able to ask.

Try to casually but seriously bring up this party night and mention that your cousin said things got down and dirty. Confess that makes you a little uneasy (don't say anything remotely close to love); but do confess that you kinda do sorta like him. And the thought of him getting frisky elsewhere isn't a comforting thought. Also point out that you are well aware he is free to do as he chooses as he is single, but you would just like to know so that you can decide for yourself if you're like to continue FWB, or see if he volunteers to give up his single rights?

He could have feelings for you as well... but this is the time to find out what is going to work for you, and at this point I don't see the harm is asking him to make up his mind. Note to him that either decision is fine- you just need to know.

[Chupacabras]

If you aren't exclusive, you have no say in what he does with his wiener. Do you want to be with him exclusively? Then tell him so.

Don't damn or give up on the guy because he did something that you have no right being upset at him for. I did like that your cousin hooked up a group thing and felt the need to brag about it while hurting you at the same time; that's classy.

[Tug]

Communication is the key... ask him! Tell him you need to know if he had sex with anyone else a the party and if he respects you he'll be honest and forthcoming about what happened. One thing about the truth is it always comes out, if he's lying to you sooner or later your going to find out and it's more than likely your guy pal is the one that's going to get hurt.

[CocoChanel]

If he had feelings for her he wouldn't have had some foreplay with a group. Where there were witnesses...... more than one. It's obvious he sees her as a friend with benefits.

[LonelyEngineer]

Well u dont know if he went to the party or to just to his friends house, maybe he didnt know bout the hard partying OR maybe he knew bout it and didn't think u would know bout it OR maybe he knew bout the party and dont care if u know bout this cos he sees u as FWB.

The only way to know is talking with him about it, just dont act like ur his gf.

[CocoChanel]

i was informed that my cousin and him and these girls engaged in some group sex activity. He did say that my fellow did not have actuall "sexual intercourse" but i am not sure if he is telling me the truth or not.

When he told me this i became very upset, i realized that i really like this man, but i am not sure how to handle this.

He admitted it himself.

This thread is sort of dated but I wonder how things turned out.

[boldblondie]

ok well first off apparently my cousin after he told me all this and found that it had upset me told me it was all a joke....and then he approached me and told me that my cousin had told him what he said and he says that they just had fun with some other mutal friends....no sex at all happened...his words to me were "i was not a skank over the weekend I promise" so if it really was just a FWB situation then why would he go out of his way to make sure that I knew he did not have sex with someone else.

Also since this post we have actually talked some. My cousin at one time told me I should not mess with him b/c he thinks that i will end up hurt b/c i am just a booty call. So in one of my conversations with my friend i told him about this comment....and we were just hanging out talking..

"i think both you and i know the deeper level of our relationship even though it may not have a label and what we are doing now just talking does this seem to you as all you are is just sex" And later that night during sex he tells me that he has only been with a handful of women and that i please him like no other and that I have brought him out of his shell b/c he feeds off of my energy"

but even with this im still a little confused. Does the above commment mean that he potenially views me as more than a FWB I honestly do feel that there is more but I just dont want to read more into it if its not.