New: Relationship Situation

[Positive]

Well, a little background about myself and the predicament I am in.
I am 26 years, Asian and healthy with a good job. My last relationship was almost 2 years ago which lasted for little over 5 years. Now I have been out of the dating scene since October of 2007. I started a new job back in 2007, which is when I met this new girl. At the time she had a boyfriend and they have been on and off until this last July.

Now being the guy I am, I never made advances on her totally respecting that she had a boyfriend, and never crossing any boundaries. We became very good friends, but the type that didn't hangout much outside of work. Now I know she knows that I liked her. After about a year of knowing, I wanted to stop liking her so I could move on with my life. But I cannot shut my brain off about her. And I don't know why.

So this part get complicated. We obviously talk and flirt on occasion. She tells me everything like we are best friends, but I want more. So throughout the last two years of being friends, I have slept at her house twice (not with her), and we have had lots of ups and downs, where I thought her flirting with me was too much and too heartbreaking to handle, so I started to sort of ignore her. This has happend 4 times where we would stop talking and then she would try to be friends with me again. Usually for about one or two months. So I feel like she find some sort of comfort in me, to find it worth to seek out my friendship. And while she was with her boyfriend, she always hid me from him, like she didn't want him to know about me.

So fast forward to early August this year where she invites me to go camping. Now, I want to go because I am absolutely in love with her and have made no attempt to ever tell her anything. So I go, and the kicker its for 6 days. Now I have my own tent, and on the second night she has this huge argument with one of her friends on the trip, which she happens to be sharing a tent with also, and decides she want to sleep with me in my tent. Nothing happens, but we ignore it in the morning. Second night another fight, but not as bad (yeah they do not make good friends), but she wants me to sleep in her tent, reluctantly I do, only because she shoved me inside. Morning comes again, no one mentions anything. Now on both nights we held hands and cuddled. Now we go the rest of the trip sort of ignoring the whole situation.

Now for the last 3 weeks, it seems like we have been getting close, I finally confessed how I felt about her after a night of drinking, I actually spent the night at her house and we cuddled and talked to 7 in the morning about nothing. I didn't tell her exactly, but she knows I like her. And we talked about "us", she mentioned she wanted some space, and did not want a boyfriend yet since she just got out of one a month prior. And then we got on the topic of race. Since I am asian and she is half white/mexican, we boht agreed it was weird since we never dated the combination before. I think we got over that sort of quickly. So I have taken her out on a few dates, but just trying to keep it casual, since she wants her space which I totally respect for now.

Now within the last week or so, she has completely 360'd. We used to talk almost everyday for hours! (5-6 hours on the phone) Now I ask to hangout and she says no or makes some excuse. I planned a nice trip for her to go wine tasting and she canceled last minute, which I lost my 100 deposit for. And now she resorts to texting and email conversations.

Any advice? From what I know, her last relationship ended pretty badly, she doesn't ever want to talk to him again. I am 1.5 years younger than she is, and still have law school to finish. And I think the race thing bothers her a little. So what kind of predicament am I in?

Do I give up? We have been basically doing this without the close touchy stuff for two years. All my friend say she is using. Which I am really starting to see now.

I feel like she is confused, I really like her, I actually am going crazy over because I can't shut my brain off about her. I feel like she is the one. But I don't want to seem crazy and naive.

So my main question is, do I sit her down and just tell her everything how I feel and kind of drop the ball on her?

Thanks, sorry for the long story.

[bluesummer]

I think maybe she's still a little fresh out of her breakup. Most people need time to sort themselves out emotionally before jumping into something new.

My advice is to stay in touch with her, stay friendly. She knows now what you feel for her. When and if she's willing to get into a relationship with you, she will give you a sign. Just don't push yourself on her too much. I know it's hard since you waited so long for her to become available.

[Positive]

Thanks Blue Summer for taking the time to read my long blabbing story. I agree with you, but its been over 2 months, how long does she need? or how long should I wait before mentioning something again.

I am so nervous around her, it is very disconcerting for her to be around me. I just need more time around her to relax.

[bluesummer]

After my last relationship, I needed a year before I was ready to date again. Mind you, my relationship was VERY emotionally scarring.

I don't think she'll need that long, but it's a very individual thing. Like I said, just spend some time with her and hope she draws close to you again, on her own terms. Continue to invite her out, but not every other day. Respect her space. When she sees you're doing that, she'll feel less pressured and more relaxed with YOU, too.

[Nina_Fogg]

First off, keep in mind there is not just ONE person for each of us. We can love many people throughout our lives, so don't assume if she "gets away" you'll never love like that again, because you can if you let yourself.

Give her space. Start living your life. Call up friends, make plans, get busy. And touch base with her now and then. Hopefully she just needs space, will miss you and when she's ready come back to you.

If she doesn't, you've already been living life and haven't felt like you "wasted time" waiting for her.

[Positive]

I appreciate both of the above response. I think it is very true about just giving her space. Thanks to you both!