She cheated and said she didnt love me. I want her back!

[battlingpig]

oh my god! i think we might be giving it another go! that letter did the trick! i sent her a text today saying 'for the sake of what we had, could you give 'us' another go. im not pleading, or begging, and theres no pressure. i just dont like seeing what we had go to waste, what have you got to lose? i don't want an answer just yet. think about it first, thanks' then i went on to talk about how good my day was.

we spoke on the phone just a while ago for half an hour. she said she misses me and feels lonely. we spoke about what it could be like, and that it would be difficult. i didn't show i was suffering at all and told her how great uni has been, told her Ive made so many new friends and that Ive moved on. but would still like to have known what could have been. she pretty much said, it would be really nice to be with you again.

anyway, if i do get back with her im gonna try my hardest to make it work. but if it doesnt work, we were never meant to be. and i will be satisfied that we tried and it didnt work. if we start a relationship again, im going to make sure i don't get too attached until i feel comfortable she wouldn't cheat on me again. I might not trust her for ever, but like ive said so many times before, i cant predict the future. ive also said im going to stick at trying to get her back, and so far its looking good.

Hmmm, im gonna be mortified if she tells me shes changed her mind tomorrow. Better not get my hopes up too much.

[loudrims_inc]

good luck is all i can say

[Diabolito]

Mate, you reached a point most of us can only feel jealous about. Don't screw it up.

I'm a bit surprised that you're tactic actually worked, but I guess its because you kept it cool afterwards and told her you were having a great time, moving on etc.

You're in a position now, where you hold all (or most) the cards. The exact spot you want to be in. Don't screw it up !

You can quite easily get back together. But it won't last. Trust me. You'll fall back into you own habits and probably be too needy.

For your own sake. Keep acting cool.

Even though you get back together, keep the charm and sensitivity hanging for just a bit. Don't be rude by any means, but don't let her feel, that she can have you whenever she wants.

Remember, she broke up, she needs to fight for YOU !! Get that into your mind. Its so important.

Let her work for it a bit. If you let her get you too fast, you'll get dumped within the month, its a 99,99 % guarantee. Make her sweat a bit. I know it seems kinda counter-intuative, but it works.

[Chazza2k]

Wow BP i'm impressed, it seems you have made ground on getting back the girl you want. Perhaps there may be something left there? I guess you will get to know that sooner or later. I'm amazed that the tactic worked, especially as how you have already responded.

I know your really hanging yourself out there for her so I hope it works out for you and you can overcome all them problems, like you said the trust thing being the most pressing. Your giving this girl a second chance, I'm not sure she deserves it but I know you want to try as much as you can to see how this will all play out. I did the same thing with the Ex, but realised the new guy she is with is now her future, my guess is that if anything happens to them along the way she will be knocking my door for all the support and comfort but I'm not going to sit around and wait for that, its no way to live.

People plan for the future then commit to it but if it doesn't go how they want they revert to something in their past as a form of comfort, I don't think being the comfort guy is for me though.

Think diab is right too, Try not to depend on her for everything, or be overly needy or put her on such a pedastool that you cannot imagine life without her. Think ultimately thats what probably started to drive you appart in the first place? If you do go and visit her, be careful getting close to her too quickly, if she thinks you'll be her's anytime she likes don't think there going to be any respect there.

Best of luck with the future Battlinpig, I hope you find what your seeking with her and that it all works in the way you want it too.

TakeCare and Keep us all posted on how its going

[battlingpig]

I dont know whats going on, she cant make up her mind yet. The other night she said she would like to give it a go, but last night we spoke and shes changed her mind. I convinced her to change her mind again, and now shes thinking about it still. She said she wants to see me before she decides.

I asked her this particular question via text.

if you had one shot to feel in love again, and to be happy, knowing that u loved every minute of it, would you take it?

she replied saying of course. But she followed by saying, dont hang onto this, i really dont want to hurt u again and us getting 2gether is just an idea. She also said that nothing stays the same forever, if it did then we wouldnt be in this situation.

I replied saying, 'a tide rises and then falls, but it always rises again' and i think thats the same with every relationship you have good times and bad times. you just gotta wait out the bad times because you know when the tide rises again, you will have good times.
Does anyone else agree with this?

What i need to know now is how to take it from the first step and take it onto actually being with her agian. What could i say to convince her just that little bit more?

She is worried about the long distance and the fact we will never know when we would be seeing one another. She has a job now and has to work some weekends. Neither of us have friday off at uni so we cant go up thursday nights for a long weekend. Last year at uni, we had a relationship where one weekend i would go down to see her, the next she would come up to see me, and we knew when we would be seeing eachother.

So i dont know if it will work myself. But i keep saying, we will never know if we dont try.

Also she still thinks she doesnt love me, and sees me more as a friend. She said she doesnt miss hugging or kissing or any other intimacy. Could that love come back?
I have a feeling that she does love me, but doesnt want to tell me because she will think i will get my hopes up too much and i could be hurt more.

[Chazza2k]

Hey BP,

Its too bad that nothing is working out like you wanted but its what I think everyone really thought was going on and expected. Its not promising when I look at it, she told you she doesn't love you, slept with someone else, doesn't miss you both being intimate and close and also told you she doesn't want you hanging onto this idea of being with her again. She's also putting long distance barriers between you both? Don't you think its time to call it OVER? For me it seems your just hanging onto the smallest bit of hope there is. She is messing with you in letting you believe it but I don't think she is being truthful just stringing you along. She may still like you or value your company but that doesn't sound to me like she loves you anymore, she's even said it to you right.

You are just digging yourself into such hole its going to take that much longer to get out. Do yourself a favour, Accept her decision, feel you did everything you could to save it, then move on. Tell her you still like to be friends, but tell her not to contact you, that you'll contact her.

[battlingpig]

**** girls. they dont believe guys have feelings too, with their stupid minds and all. girls need a wakeup call. they think they can walk all over guys but they cant. guys have gotta change and make them know your tough. dont let em **** you over like this little tit. seriously. i love her, but she has no consideration for others. i think i may be just wanting the familiarity of being with her, nothing more. im scared to move on because i dont know what to say to these new girls, and it just feels so comfortable if i was to just be with my ex.
i spoke to her today and she said she wants to be with me, in her mind, but a friend said its a bad idea for her to get back with me because she wants the familiarity also. i dont know what to say or think. shes driving me up the wall, why cant she just try things out and see how things go before she makes a decision. i cant be bothered any more.

maybe she wasnt right for me, and if she doesnt want it any more its her loss. im sure theres plenty of girls out there who would be happy to call me their boyfriend. im so angry at her that she doesnt want to even try. that just goes to show how much 16 month mattered to her.

thats just like her saying, i enjoyed the time i spent with you, but **** you i cant be bothered with you any more. how insulting is that?!

[Chazza2k]

Yeah it sucks m8, everything you describe I went through, hurt, anger, rage, to hoping for her to comeback to me, to acceptance that we are finished. My situation is too that she put herself in a position to come between me and my family and I was too blind to even see it, and I have to pay that price in guilt every day! She then ditched me, without a thought, blamed me for all her emotional problems and made out she so much better without me in her life. After all the time we spend together, intimate chats and everything she pointed the finger at me for choices she made, that played on my mind for months... Ungrateful as it gets for everyting I did for her!!!

I still miss her, the familiarity of US but am getting over her... I feel less of a need to know what shes up to now or who shes with, part of me longs for the familarity and trust we had but I know thats been smashed to bits now and is probably impossible to get back to how it was(thats what I realised at our coffee meet last week). At least I've stopped dreaming of her now, that was just soo unsettling!! I think I put this one down to experience, realise I probably misjudged the girl from the start but I fell for her and trusted her. My mistake, not the first I've made but its the most painful.

Sorry BP your going through all this, its difficult as hell but I really think you both got to stop talking and split up properly, she knows you want to be with her, she doesn't want to be with you. Tell her in light of this you can no longer be friends (I think if you stay as friends, she'll keep messing you about) and this time stick with it, dont talk or chat with her, you need the time now to move on. This time and no relapses, your just putting yourself through too much crap right now and shes not worth it! Ask yourself how much more of this do you really want to take?

[Mish]

Don't say anything. It's over. Let her go.

-------------------------

[Chazza2k]

Hey BP,

Its good to see you finally have the closure you need with things I'm glad to hear it. Hope it goes well with the new girl.

Things with me are strained in fairness, a few weeks ago me and my sister ended up drinking way too much and she got me to go back to my Ex's next door neighbours house! My sister is friends with them. My sister remember does not know me and her best friend were involved and I thought that was the best way to deal with it no point in telling her now its all over with. So that night was the worst night EVER for me, felt like I was stalking the Ex. I think I even insinuated to the neighbour the real reason I'm never around the Ex's house anymore. That night I tried to tell my sister what went on with me and the her friend but she really was so out of it she didn't hear me or if she did she pretends not to remember anything, I didn't ever want to end up in a postion like that again! I honestly am unsure if my sister knows or doesn't anymore...

When me and Ex ended the coffee meet a month or so ago we said we'd be friends but this friends things is a huge mistake (I'm the Ex not a friend and it's a huge difference!!) but I feel I really have to keep it friendly. I Txt'd back and for just the "Hi hope your well and having a gd week" kinda thing but really the replies and Txts were so pittyful I stopped after the second week. She didnt even reply to the second one. So I stopped Txtin.

This week now the Ex has problems with her laptop (she is really bad with things she breaks practically everything she owns, her 3rd laptop in 2years) so she Txt'd me for the warranty info, she asked how i was etc. I text her back being friendly asking how she is doing and that have the info and whats she want me to do with it, then she ignores me... I know I should not have said a word and posted it!!!

Next month I been invited to a party by a neighbour, its fancy dress, I said it sounds great, but both my sister and the Ex are going to be there, I really should go because I'm getting to be good friends with them and me not being there would look bad but I know its going to be tough as... smiling and being this phoney friend thing...

Glad you moved on and that you and your Ex are miles away from each other, with overlaping friendship circles and family connections makes this moving on so much more arkward, there always seems to be a reminder, someone talking about them or you pass them in the street.

[xecutioner85]

This post is Superb... Thanks to ALL the ppl participated in the post... I have learnt very much from it... It gives the great energy to get over ur ex and move on... Thanks to ALL... I really appreciate it....

[uri]

**** girls. they dont believe guys have feelings too, with their stupid minds and all. girls need a wakeup call. they think they can walk all over guys but they cant.

Many girls don't know what they want and only when they're older they begin to appreciate certain qualities in a man.

Also dating is pretty much useless. If you want to know true love and why dating is really useless then you should go to a Unified Church. There they will teach you all you need to know about true relationships.

[Galbi 3e9aNi]

Leave her ... She will miss and will come back to you =)

[parispeeks]

She cheated and said she didn't love you? Uh......be done with her. You can find someone who won't cheat and will love you.

[touchsoft]

Very interesting thread...

Seeing as BP has been out for a month and a half I can only assume it's over...and it should be.

A few random thoughts...

"a problem cannot be solved with the same level of thinking that originated it" I can't remember who said (or if thats it exactly), but think about it...if you're dumped and go into hyper-get-them-back mode you are operating from a mindset that lost them for you in the first place. So to get them back, you have to evolve.

BP, in an early post you said you had anxiety issues and she was your everything. She probably knew this, and didn't cut you out tumor style probably for fear that you'd do something drastic. And she seemed correct, as your last post was pretty "shoot up the post office" angry.

When you don't hold your own and honor yourself people ditch you - not just girls. Friends do it too if you worship them. make fun of their flaws (in playful way), and don't suffer their shortcomings. If you don't get what I mean by this, you don't get it.

When things crash and burn romantically, it's easier to learn and move on than try to rebuild.

Opportunities seem more valuable the less available they are. this si the very well known scarcity principle. Do you love her? Or is unavailability influencing your judgment somewhat?

And lastly, people only process about 20% (estimates differ) of the available stimulus out there. it is filtered by our hopes, wants, personalities etc.....soooo...whatever you conclude is based incomplete data. Especially when you're emotionally charged. She tried to tell you she wasn't in to you and did everything except scream "F/O!!!" in your face.

Sorry for the harshness at points.

Now, I'm a little older, and most of this stuff I didn't learn until until my mid 20s. but I'll you, once you understand realtionship dynamics...it's the same thing on everyone. Different peculiarities, but the same way of interacting.

Good luck moving on.