She cheated and said she didnt love me. I want her back!

[battlingpig]

Hello, we are 19, she was my first love, and i always thought it would last forever. i have been going out with her for 16 months. And it was pretty serious. We would talk about the future, what we wanted, when we wanted it. We went on our first holiday in july this year. Everything was perfect, no fault what so ever. Because we are both at university, we would only see each other weekends, this was perfectly fine for both of us, a reward at the end of the week. We were so loving, nothing could break us. She was my dream girl, i couldnt fault her. As far as perfect goes this was pretty damn perfect.

All this changed two weeks ago. She went out with her friends one night and she cheated on me. I was devastated, it came as a massive shock because there was no problem with us. She told me she was very drunk and she didn’t mean it. She only kissed him, so I thought I could forgive her. I needed time to think, I wanted her to show some sympathy, but I didn’t get anything. She didn’t cry, or show she was very upset and sorry. I told her to stop being stubborn, and if she really wanted us to work she would show me. She told me she wanted to continue like we were and that she loved me.
We met and talked about all our differences. I learnt a lot about myself, and i knew exactly what to change, and how to do it. She did also. Sometimes i would do things she wouldnt like, and so did she. But there was nothing seriously wrong with us. We would rarely argue, but when we did it was usually about how I didnt feel appreciated enough, or i wasnt respected.

The next day she said on the phone she wanted a break and said she didn’t love me, "how can I love you if I did something like that" but I convinced her to go to the cinema with me to see how everything went on, and then decide if a break was needed. I asked her for it to be as normal as possible. It was an enjoyable day, went shopping, cinema, had a laugh, held hands. I thought it was back to its normal self. When she got home, she told me she doesn’t have any feelings for me. She wanted to be single and have fun. I didn’t understand, she was so happy with me before all this happened, never pulled an unhappy face, there was excitement, laughter, intimacy. We went out partying together, shopping, and made sure we were always doing something with each other.

She started to get nasty, because I didn’t know how to take it all and kept telling her she’s making a mistake and doing the wrong thing. She told me she was going to have sex with the same guy she cheated with on Monday. I left it a few days. In the mean time, I wrote a 4page letter letting her know how I feel about her, and that I really want her back before she did anything with him. It was a letter which told of our relationship from day 1, things we did together, how we both felt. I wanted her to remember what she will be throwing away. I also made a slideshow of all our favourite photos and our song. Monday morning, I went over to her house and gave her the things I made with some lovely flowers. I asked for her back. But nothing worked.

I knew she was confused. One minute she loves me, the next she doesn’t, one minute she wants to keep going, the next she doesn’t. How can someones love switch off just like that? Maybe the excitement of doing something wrong enticed her into doing what she did, and it altered her surface feelings, but she still loves me deep down. Thats why i try to make her remember what she had and what she will be throwing away.

Anyway, she didn’t watch the slideshow or read the letter. She went out that night and had sex with him. I asked her, She told me, and I know when she is lying. She was telling the truth. The next day she watched the video. said it meant a lot to her when she was watching it, and that she will miss me when she’s back at university. But in the mean time, I know she doesn’t want me back. Maybe when she’s at uni she will think about me and miss me enough to ask me back in her life. I can only wish.


She has walked all over me and treated me like shit. She slept with the guy who ruined us both. But I still love her. I miss her. And I cant imagine life without her. She was my life. All I find myself doing now is sitting at home and watching TV, thinking about her constantly. I thought my life had been written, and the chapters of our story would never stop coming.
She was my very best friend, and am scared about losing this more than anything.

I don’t exactly know what I want from this post. If any of you have similar stories, please tell me how you dealt with it, did you get back together, and how did you do it?
Is it wise for me to want her back, and to keep trying?
How would I go about getting her back, and rekindling our love?
Have I made a mistake already by trying so hard to get her back?
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Will I find love with someone else, just as pure and intense as it was with her?



Sorry i wrote an essay, but for the story to be understood, it needs to be that way. Thanks for reading, and thanks for any help in advance.

[Gigabitch]

You will not only find love with someone else but also (if you don't pick another girl like this one) respect and kindness.

Ditch the bitch. She's rotten to the core.

[carl1222]

"Is it wise for me to want her back, and to keep trying?" NO

How would I go about getting her back, and rekindling our love? YOU CAN'T

Have I made a mistake already by trying so hard to get her back? YES

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? YES!!!!!!

Will I find love with someone else, just as pure and intense as it was with her? OF COURSE ... AND WITH A MUCH MORE DESERVING GIRL.

She was a faithless and worthless girlfriend who showed her true colors by following nothing more than an itch in her panties. I hope you never waste your time with someone like her again, but it happens i suppose ...

Sorry for your pain.

Carl.

[battlingpig]

thanks for the replies. She cried on the phone last night, and said she will miss me very much this year. What does this mean?

[Gigabitch]

It means she's not taking any responsibility for doing what she did.

[tim2963]

Ditch this bitch lol... no really.

[Chazza2k]

Hey battlingpig

Sorry to hear about this I know its tuff.

I'm sure your going through hell right now, but this relationship is over and its time for you to move forward. You need to focus now on you and your own goals in life, through yourself into your Uni work, get down the gym, library etc try doing things you haven't done, go out with some m8s more.

You should really go NO Contact with her too,no txts, calls, no emails, no facebook stalking, instant messaging anything. Believe me everytime you do one of these things you go straight back to the begining feeling just as bad!! Get her number off your phone too, a few drinks and bang there I was making an idiot out of myself, thinking I could win her back. It didnt work in my case she was with someone else now..

Worst thing to do is sitting around wanting her back,(I know thats fine for a bit but the sooner you realise its over the better) shes has decided she doesn't want you in her life anymore like you want her, so any energy you spend on planning to win her back is all just a waste and will drive you up the wall.

I know too what its like to lose a best friend, I told my ex everything and we talked all the time, when you lose that part too its really tuff, you feel all the effort and years gone into this,and think how am I going start-over. Best advice is talk to your friends and family and try your best to get it out of your system. I trusted my brother and hes kept me on track.

Life is full of joy and pain, I think you learn so much more from the pain element though, it helps you grow as a person, you realise so much or at least I did.

Best of luck, I know you will get through it.

[Love-advisor]

Dont go after her, she is not made for you.You will find someone better who will love you more than you do.So try to forget her, i know its tough but you have to do it as life does not stop over someone.

[province]

Please know that what I am about to say comes form an honest desire to help you.

It sounds like you are not being respected and it is partly 'your fault'. Ultimately it isn't your fault because you don't know any better.

It looks like you are not staying true to your masculine core. It seems like you have made her the most important thing in your life. She does not want this, no truly feminine women does. A woman wants someone she can respect, someone who cannot be diverted from his highest purpose. Someone who will NOT compromise himself, his dignity, for any reason. You need to find out what your highest purpose (what you want to achieve in life, what you want to become), and that should be the most important thing in your life.

You must also be able to know what you truely feel at any moment and be true to it. If she behaves in a way that bothers your truest self, you should be able to a> recognise that your don't agree and b> tell her as much and not waiver.

I suggest reading the book "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. It has helped me and I have lent it to many of my guy friends. It is a god-send at this time in our culture when men are often either too macho, or too wussy. True masculinity is no longer defined in this culture, and so isn't 'taught'.

Until you have these man issues handled you will be victimized again and again. I don't think it needs saying, but I will say it just in case: Stay away form her. Don't contact her. Handle yourself before you latch onto another.

Godspeed!

-Rick

[Chazza2k]

Thx for that province, sounds like a very interesting read. I too fell into that most important person trap and it ended badley for me. There was no respect and ultimately you end up feeling washed up living everything for her without regard for yourself to be dumped at the end of the day. Left shattered.

One comes to the conclusion that self identity is hugley important in a person defining yourself too closely to another, one loses themselves, or sight of what you want. When such a relationship ends though, it does help you realise mistakes you have made, then you actually start thinking of yourself, certainly in my case.

[battlingpig]

I'm sorry Province but I don't think I have man issues. Masculinity plays no part in this. Just because I want her back and Ive tried, does not mean i am less of a man. That attitude of people thinking, "Oh i better not keep trying because I'll feel embarrassed and less masculine" is thought up by guys who have too bigger egos, and care too much about what other people think of them. Now that can be a relationship killer.
Province, you cant speak for all woman and say no woman wants to be the most important thing in their life. She loved being it, and her friends 'wished they could meet someone just like me' girls get pissed off by guys with little respect, who value their computer games higher, who don't make them feel number 1, and it pisses me off how woman think all guys are the same. Well I'm not.

You never know, if I was to get back with her, everything might change, i might decide i don't love her anymore myself, and i could go off and find someone feeling happy that the feeling was mutual all along. Or, we could become ever stronger, and she learns from her mistakes. Only a wuss wouldn't dare trying to find out. I bet a lot of perfectly good relationships and marriages have been thrown away by people not willing to try again, for fear of losing their masculinity.

I know if i try again, and it doesn't work, I'll be satisfied that i have tried my hardest and done my job. I will not feel embarrassed for going for what I believe in.

She was my number one, and i always put her first. She deserved it. She was the only one who made me happy. Before i met her i had no one. I suffered from depression and suffered from social anxiety disorder. She changed me, gave me so much confidence and made me happy.
Province, she was the most important thing in my life, because she was all i had.

Ultimately, i could probably find someone else who is better, but why bother when what you had was already perfectly fine? its like throwing a perfectly good watch away, just so you can go spend twice as much on a more expensive one.

If i was to take all of these replies into account and cut all contact with her, i would never know what could have been, and i would probably think about it for years to come and couldn't move on. if i at least try until im ready to cut contact, i will be satisfied. In a month or so and im not with her, maybe i will look back and realise i should have just let her go and tried to move on all ready. But at the moment im blind to see it. Time will only tell.

We speak on the phone every day, just as friends, and text during the day. only thing different is the 'xxx' at the end of the text and the 'i love you' at the end of the phone call.
she is coming to my Uni accommodation this weekend...
She must love me, why else would she come?

[ilikebuttons]

battlepig , if u need to talk, u can email me.. i was in a very similar situation

[Mish]

You don't have any choice, she's done with you. Let her go before she gets a restraining order against you and find someone who will love you for who you are.

[Calli]

You could make her want you and miss you, with the no contact rule with out a doubt she will come back all girls do, they crave for something they can't have. But even then she'd get bored and most likely do what shes done to you already or just finish you because she wants to be single.

I would do the no contact rule and when she makes contact make a point of telling her she had a chance and ruined her, dont be weak (like I was) and go back, Im currently in the process of the no contact rule it's killing me and I know she will come back somewhere along the line I'll just need the will power to tell her to **** off.

[battlingpig]

You don't have any choice, she's done with you. Let her go before she gets a restraining order against you and find someone who will love you for who you are.

restraining order? she lives 200 miles away from me. she contacts me, i contact her.