ex is being confusing

[*1983*]

This is a very long post..

So a few years ago (2002) I met a really cool guy ,we got together and were happy but the distance became a problem. He was also a good few years older than me, which wasn't a problem for me but it meant we were obviously at different stages in our life. So after a couple of months we split up, then a few months later he told me he had met this lady he really liked. So obviously we drifted a bit....but kept in touch. To tell me he was engaged to her, then married and then she was pregnant and now they had a son etc. We spoke once a year at the most.

We met up at a gig last year and then he started ringing me reguarly...
So during a conversation a month or so later, he told me he was having problems with his wife and was living with a friend. I told him I was sorry to hear this but felt weird because I was also really enjoying talking to him again. So this carried on for another couple of months, with random phone calls.

I was getting confused by his behaviour so I left him alone completely for a few weeks and didn't hear anything from him, then he rang me last week, to ask if I could do something for the band. So I confirmed in my mind that he wasn't interested in us, just me helping his band.

So a couple of days later we were chatting on facebook and I thought I would play devils advocate and tell him about my housemate will and how theres a connection there. Straight away he was asking me if Will and I were involved, how old was he etc etc. He went silent and then my phone went, he called me at midnight and his opening words were "so about this housemate"...he was trying to tell me not to go out with him but not being direct and actually saying it.

He kept calling Will a child and saying I needed someone older, he then said the gig I went to last year, he saw me and thought I looked "Stunning". When I complained about being single and joked if he had any single friends, he started saying "you'd be the perfect girlfriend, you're beautiful, funny, friendly".

But in the same breath he told me he couldnt have a relationship at the moment because he has no time, with work, the band, his son etc. So we chatted for an hour and we were both basically saying (it seemed to me) that we liked each other but again not directly. So we said goodbye and hung up. The next day, he sent me a jokey text asking if I was being a lazy student and still in bed. kaldonia told me to send him a flirty text message so I did...something about him skipping work and coming to entertain me. He didn't reply all day and I thought I had done something wrong. He rang the next day with "Hello this is your entertainment calling"....telling me he was just calling to say hi on the way to a meeting.

He hinted at coming to see me as he was in my town but then said he couldn't. He then talked about us going for this coffee, that he keeps mentioning but again nothing has happened. I sent him a jokey text on Thursday and I haven't heard anything from him since. I have no idea what to do, two of my friends (both male) are saying ring him and get him to confirm a time and date for coffee,..another friend is saying don't contact him, let him contact me and another friend is saying write him a long email about how i'm feeling.

[Chupacabras]

Doesn't sound very confusing to me. He wants to keep you around as either an ego-boost, rebound or as a backup girl.

With any friendship or whatever that's been going on this long it's hard to know all sides of the story or how you normally are with each other. With that said, my advice would be don't bother calling him to confirm anything, he's stringing you along and doesn't know what he really wants. If you want to do coffee as friends, then call him, but you need to be very clear on your intentions; he doesn't seem to eager to be with you romantically so don't let him half-ass his way into your panties.

Of course, there could be a huge cultural difference from this side of the ocean, so could be way off.

[*1983*]

so is it just a case of he doesn't want me, but he doesn't want anyone else to have me?. He got so jealous when I talked about my housemate, which gave me some hope. I'm not asking for a relationship with him at the moment, he has only been single for 4 months. I just want to know how he feels about me and if anything might happen in the future.

Should I tell him to stop contacting me? I can't get over him if he's ringing me and stuff, but then he's going to ask me why he can't call etc. He is the one that keeps suggesting we meet up so it feels like he's stringing me along but then on the other hand I do know how busy he is, or maybe i'm making excuses again.