older woman

[loveispain214]

hello im new to this forum so please bare with me. Im just so torn at this moment and i need advice from people that dont know me. I recently started dating a girl older than me 33 to be exact and i am 30. Her history is where she had a boyfriend of 5 yrs that decided to contact her just when we started and said he wanted to marry her and have kids. I asked her if i was not around, would she go to him. she said yes. but she chose me for a reason. she also confessed her love for him just around the time i started to know her. we only really started to see each other for about 2 months and she confessed to him like 5 months ago. He didnt give her an answer and she just moved on but still kept in contact.

i feel like im like a monkey wrench in that love story. she speaks very highly of him. The issue here is that she is looking for marriage and so am i, but with uncertainty in the way, i feel like if i do go out with her for say 1yr or so and feel the relationship isnt working out, she just wasted her time with me and she could be on the way to being married with her ex bf. so what i did was let her go. i do like her but i feel its better for her to be with him than to be with me with all this uncertainty in the way. It saddens me to sacrifice, but id rather see them happy together for sure than to bet on our relationship and waste her time. did i do the right thing?

thank you for reading. please comment.

[d_j]

I think that was a very mature decision.

[Enigmos]

i think that was the better decision. i am not a fan of just meeting someone who wants to be married, because the implication is that you are a means to an end. (much like someone who wants kids -- well, do you want to be with me, or do you want to be a father?)

if she really liked you, she would have told you so, rather than share with you how she feels for this other man.

stay true to yourself.

[girl68]

I believe you did the right thing.

[Gigabitch]

So, you're both looking for marriage but you feel insecure because there was someone in front of you in line. She chose you but you got squirrely and just bailed.

Right?

[vashti]

wow, what a chicken.

[loveispain214]

It wasnt a feeling of insecurity at all. I know she still loves him. but i just happen to be here to now. Being with me, there is uncertainty in what will happen down the line. not only is she risking losing this guy, but she is risking time. all she talks about is marriage and having kids. they broke up about 1 yr ago. She jumped into a relationship right after her ex for a rebound i suppose. The ex said the same thing to her about marriage. but she chose to stay with the new man. it can be seen as she really dont want to be with her ex at all if she did this 2 times. the end is just that she said yes to my question. if i wasnt in the picture, would she choose him. she said she would. yes i am looking for marriage, but she just starting with me. who knows whats gonna happen. the risk is too great for her. i mean i have plenty of time. but for her, its pretty critical time in her life. You can also say that if she really wanted to be with him, she would. argh...what to do?

[vashti]

How considerate of you to make the choice for her. (sarcasm)

[loveispain214]

Vashti : what are you suggestions then? please share. i dont need the sarcasm right now.

[Gigabitch]

Well, you could stand up and try to fight for what you want. How about that? Instead, you smelled some other dog on her and slunk away with your tail between your legs.

[loveispain214]

please understand im not competing with her ex. its just the uncertainty and her risks.

[vashti]

Vashti : what are you suggestions then? please share. i dont need the sarcasm right now.

My suggestion is that you not assume she is unqualified to make her own choices about how she will live her life. You "acting in her best interests" robbed her of the opportunity to choose for herself. That's pretty demeaning.

[loveispain214]

Vashti. i understand your side...thank you for that advice. i will def take it into consideration.