Can you increase a man's sex drive??

[Swan]

My bf doesn't really have much interest in sex... I mean, he will, eventually, when he feels like it... but that could be like..once every 2 weeks...or even longer...
Most of the time I'm the one asking and he keeps turning me down but I think he gives in every once and a while just for me to leave him alone and stop flirting with him ..

Uggg

Lately it's affected me emotionally, and I don't want to ask him for sex because I don't want to be refused again, it hurts!
And I haven't asked him for sex for almost two weeks now and he seems perfectly happy about that.

I'm beginning to teach myself to not want him, and to not want to have sex with him. I can honestly say right now if he asked me for some I'd say no. I don't want to go through with it, because it's screwing up my emotions.
Is there a way to increase his sex drive that will make him genuinely want me?
...I suppose that's an oxy-moron.

[vashti]

He should consult with a physician. He may have an underlying medical issue, or this may be a side effect of some mediaction he is takeing, or he may simply have low testosterone in which case it will never get better, and you should decide if you are willing to live with it. Don't take it personally - this problem has nothing to do with you.

[Swan]

Don't take it personally - this problem has nothing to do with you.

Wow it feels so good to have someone say that.


But yeah, he's not taking medication... so it's not that.
Maybe I can convince him to see a Physician. Maybe he's just, stressed... but there isn't really anything I can do to help him.
If I get slightly concerned about anything he pushes me away and tells me it doesn't matter...

Nothing seems to matter.. Ever.
Sorry I feel kinda like ranting
I'll try to keep it to myself. lol.

Hm. Yeah I'll ask him about seeing a physician... somehow.

[vashti]

Hypertension, obesity, and diabetes can cause this problem. I am sure there are other conditions, too.

[Swan]

Hypertension, obesity, and diabetes can cause this problem. I am sure there are other conditions, too.

Nope, none of those, healthy for everything cept smoking... as far as I know.

[vashti]

smoking is linked to hypertension. The point is, he may have something that is undiagnosed.

Tell him he should go in for a regular physical exam, and have them draw labs. have him mention that his sex drive is lower than average.

[Swan]

Hmmm... I tried to ask him when his last physical was and convince him (it's been over 2 or 3 years) that he should get another one done and see how he's doing and he won't...
He goes: "I'm fine" in an annoyed kinda voice.

I don't really know how to mention my concern for his low sex drive.. I have this feeling that he's going to snap at me about it...
Because sex isn't a big deal to him. He really doesn't seem to care about it at all.
Any suggestions?

[miSSleepy]

Could it be... that he's not interested in you?
How's everything else in your relationship?

What about kisses, cuddles, physical affection other than sex?

[Swan]

Could it be... that he's not interested in you?
How's everything else in your relationship?

What about kisses, cuddles, physical affection other than sex?

He's very... On and off...
These last couple days were amazing.. he'd watch movies with me, we'd cuddle on the couch, he cooked me dinner, he kept watching me eat with that "you're so cute" look...He'd kiss me when I come from work...
It was like a different person... and they appear to be gone again... He's sitting at his computer right now, not wanting to be interrupted.. when we go to bed tonight, he'll probably tell me to not cuddle with him if I try... It's very difficult to be in this relationship because there's two extremes to him... One's the guy who shows his affection and makes me feel like he's actually inlove with me...
The other is the guy who wants to be completely left alone and heaven forbid if I want to ask him a question, even if it's to have sex.. sex is like a chore to him, which is a real turn off. And I can't walk by on my way to the kitchen and kiss him on the way or he says "Enough already! Geez!"

My friends often ask me why I'm still with him... and it's because I love that side of him that shows affection... When he's in that state of mind, he's everything I've ever wanted, I'd marry him. But I find myself waiting and waiting and just making it through his BS until that side of him shows again ....
I don't like being treated as a chore.

[Swan]

I should mention that I've asked about this mean side to him and he goes "what do you mean? I'm always like this..."
and when I ask if we're okay...
he tells me he has no intentions of breaking up with me, and he plans to spend the rest of his life with me.

[vashti]

I think you should just tell him the truth: that you are not prepared to live a life of celibacy.

Just so you know, sex drives naturally diminish with age (though the extent varies). This problem is only going to get worse for you.

[cewzp4]

My boyfriend and I went through this about 2 years ago. We had become comfortable, and he was smoking weed almost every night. It REALLY interfered with his sex drive, and that completely killed my confidence (it didn't help that i had put on like 20 pounds since we had first started dating, so my confidence was already pretty low).

I don't really have a good solution for you. We ended up breaking up for a while and i dated someone else. After about two months we ended up getting back together, and decided to work on it. We've been back together for over 2 years now and have really started communicating about sex and making sure that the other person is happy.

My story probably doesn't help you, but i would defiantly say that what i learned from the whole thing is that it is really important to tell him how you are feeling. Have you tried talking to him about it?

Maybe if you gently tell him that you really love him and you like to get closer to him through sex. I would definitely advise against questioning his sexuality or love for you. That would just put him on the defensive.

[Cbrider]

Hypertension, obesity, and diabetes can cause this problem. I am sure there are other conditions, too.

Homosexuality

Hmmm... I tried to ask him when his last physical was and convince him (it's been over 2 or 3 years) that he should get another one done and see how he's doing and he won't...

Males prodding areas of another male body are not exactly something you jump to sign up AND pay for.

Just so you know, sex drives naturally diminish with age (though the extent varies). This problem is only going to get worse for you.

Oh please, he's a young guy, diminished my ass!

Its a shot in the dark, but could his on and off/hot and cold personality be indicative of a personality disorder? Having dealt with rather serious depression in my life at one time, I can say that it sends your personality on a roller coaster to hell with no real outward signs of the war raging on the inside.

[Swan]

Hmmm, well he does smoke a fair amount of weed... that could have a lot to do with it.

As for the physical...I'm sure it's not fun getting poked around, but we get our physicals free in Canada.

I've often wondered if he has a personality disorder happening...
But then again, because he's smoking weed, his behaviour is already changing quite a bit through that. But....no he was acting different again last night before he smoked so he's definately doing it on his own.

I don't know, my first reaction is to think he's a selfish gerk! lol. Cause I'd do anything for him and he only does...a little here and there when it's convienent for HIM. Like cooking me dinner cause he's hungry... but if I'm upset and need comforting he's not there for me... he use to be.

[Bumble_bee]

Its the cannabis..