Does he still love me? Or am I just being an idiot?

[sashavangenius]

Hello all!

Background - Been with my boyfriend for 7 months. First 2 months he couldn't get enough of me. Writing me poems etc.

Few months in and he starts cooling off. I panic (it's my first relationship and I have some issues as a child of divorce). I don't want to seem needy but I kind of am, haha. So I get confused with all the new emotions attached to being in love etc and probably suffocate him a bit.

NOW I've calmed down a bit. Am trying to give him his space. But it's hard. I do need attention. I need him to tell me he loves me sometimes or compliment me or whatever. He used to do it a lot more.

So is it just because we've been in a relationship for a while and it's the natural process?

Or has he lost interest because I've been too needy?

Can I coax him into wanting to pay me more attention?

I think he does still love me. I can kind of just tell. But I'm confused and over analytical.

Sigh. Look?! This is how confused and silly I am!!!

Help?

-Sasha

[Gigabitch]

Well, to start with, everyone has issues when they don't have much relationship experience. Don't think you're behind the game just because your parents got divorced.

It is never, ever going to stay like those first few months. not this relationship, not the one you'll be in when you're 70 years old. That's called the honeymoon phase and it just doesn't last long. Unfortunately, a lot of people get addicted to the rush of emotion that comes with infatuation and they think that when the honeymoon phase is over, the love is gone.

No, no, no.

The test is, what is left over after the honeymoon phase? THAT is love. If he's got nothing left for you now, his love wasn't real. It was just infatuation.

Frankly, I'd be really surprised if your first relationship yielded real love. That's pretty unusual. Right now, you're still learning all the basics of how to be with another person (like not bugging him too much, right?).

[sashavangenius]

Thanks Gigabitch!

It's a bit different in terms of it being my first relationship though because I'm 23 not 16 - 18 and he's a lot older. So it's not like a teenage infatuation type deal.

I'm 100% sure it's never been an infatuation thing - apart from maybe the first week or two.

I think I have trouble identifying his methods of showing me he cares. Like a couple of nights ago he got me to join his kinship in Lord of the Rings Online. Haha, I know, we're both big geeks... that's one of the reasons we bonded so quickly.

It's also been a very stressful time for both of us. In the course of the relationship so far he's lost his flat, been broke, had to live with his aunt and deal with the one year anniversary of the death of one of his best friends and mentor. And quit smoking.

And I've dealt with a move, the death of a pet, being broke, friendship issues and losing my job.

So stressful all round basically!

[Gigabitch]

I'm 41 and believe me, the honeymoon phase still feels like it did in 11th grade. It's like crack.

Stress might account for a lot, but it might just be that you're settling into a new part of your relationship. My husband isn't "courting" me any more either, but that doesn't mean I'm not getting what I need.

Some guys are like that, though. They think that a relationship is something you make an effort to get and once you have it, it's there, like they've built a desk or something. He might need to realize that you're more like a pet than a desk. You need care and feeding.

[Primo]

Sasha, sometimes people just have different personalities, some are givers, some are takers. You sound like a taker, which isn't bad, you just match up better and are more emotionally satisfied with someone that's a giver.

See if you can be satisfied with the amount of attention you're getting. If not, then unfortunately it may not work out in the long term.