All guys, please help!

[lastwish]

He could be treating you like that because you are too needy. Read this: [url]http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13231665/[/url]

It's three pages.

[Charlie Boy II]

I've only said it to two girls. In both instances, I said it under duress.

First time, she just kept saying it and it got awkward to keep replying with ''thankyou'', or ''that's nice'' and I didn't want to break up with her so eventually I said, ''i love you too''. She knew I was full of it, but she just wanted to hear it anyway.

The other girl, she cracked it one day after we'd been dating about six months and I hadn't said it. She wanted to know why, and I was like,

''I only think you should say that if you see yourself spending the rest of your life with that person, like you want to marry them.''

And she was like, ''no it just means you really care about them.''

''Alright then... I love you.''

[Katherine]

Lastwish, your last post really helps. I guess I compromised too much in this relationship and have become so vulnerable. I really need a change of myself before I lose him.

[Katherine]

But the problem is he has known me so well. How can I just change over night? So any suggestion, in my case, what shall I do to let him realize I'm different. I mean I can chill out and be cool and control my own life, but without letting him think i'm playing game with him.

[girl68]

But he just doesnt want to come because he hates the large population and dirty air here. Is that normal?

Yes, I've been to Bejing, sweet place to visit but I would never, ever want to live in such a dirty, polluted place if my life depended on it. Rich OR poor, no thanks.

[Katherine]

But what if the one you love is living there now? And it's hard for him to go to your place but kinda easier for you to go to his place?

[POTnLOVE]

im 21 n i wud say i had 2 serious relationships. One was for 8 months and she was my first love and ye i think it took me maybe 2 months to say i love you i think i said it first and i meant it. Then my second was for 4 yrs and a half and she said i love you first and i din't feel it yet, but i just went along with it. My advice is if you have not said i love you to him yet don't let him say it first because sometimes us guys we want to make the females happy and sometimes feel pressured to lie .

[Katherine]

Ok. I have another problem here. I talked to him just now and told him I make my decision to immigrate to Canada first instead of buying apartment in my hometown (I wanted to buy an apartment in my hometown before in case he moves to China and work here one day, which he also agreed). This morning I told him that I want to immigrate to Canada because if I buy the house but I'm working in Beijing now so that doesn't make any sense and the house will be empty, kinda waste money. So what about I immigrate to Canada first (the whole application may take 2-3 years). He asked: When do you make that decision? what does this have to do with buying house? I said: I cannot do these two things at the same time. Because if you immigrate to Canada, you need money in your bank account to show Canadian Government. If I buy house, then definitely no much money left for me and I have to pay the loan every month. So I can immigrate there first and still save money in future 2-3 years and after I get that maple card I can have higher salary here and I can still buy house in my hometown then. He said nothing but: cool. I asked: so you are ok with that? He then said: that's your own problem so you make your own decision. And then told me he was in middle of something and he saw my message so just to call back to see whats up. When he said that I can feel he was not happy and maybe pissed off a bit. But did I do something wrong? And it hurts when he said: your own problem. I want to immigrate to C for both of us, for our future. How come this is my own problem? He doesn't care? Or maybe he was pissed off because I told him this was my mum's idea and he thought I still let my family affect me? God, someone please help!!!!

[Mud]

Katherine, sooner or later your going to realize this guy isnt fulfilling your emotional needs. Granted he gives you attention he doesnt give to anyone else but it still isnt enough, you need more and if he cant fulfill your needs you need to find someone who does.

[lastwish]

I think you are too accommodating. You are thinking about the future way too ahead of him. He will eventually if not already taking you for granted. You need to change to a more independent mindset. So what if he doesn't think about the future? So what if he doesn't want to marry you? So what if he leaves you? IT DOESN"T MATTER. And you know why? Because you have the full capacity to attract someone decent, someone who is or even MORE physically attractive, intelligent, interesting, funny, caring, loyal as him. I'm sure you are not a bad looking gal because you told me other guys has pursued you before and they would not do that if they find you unattractive. You come from a good family. If men in China doesn't like you because you are too old for them then go to Canada. You speak English so you will do fine there. And men there marry women in their 20s, 30s, even 40s. And they don't care much about age in a woman.

[Katherine]

Lastwish, I will try my best to change this situation here. I think you can't be righter. He's taken me for granted. He thinks no matter what he does, I won't leave him, which is true but too bad that he thinks so. I will keep myself busy and focus on my own life. I will learn to say: everything is about me. Now I just compromise too much and make every decision for him or our future. That makes him not give one move to me. I feel soooooo bad because I am always concernded and worried about where our future is. I cannot take that anymore.

[gartlas]

Look I hate to throw a gear in the works but how do you know he isnt seeing someone else in america? Plus you said he "spoils and tolerates you" the fact your saying he tolerates you is the whole problem..its some ****ed up hero worship where in your mind he's great ,,and your lucky enough to be "tolerated". He wont ever say he loves you ,,not seriously and not meaningfully. No matter what anyone says your not gonna think or act any differently ,,but he sounds like a bit of a tosser to me. just dump him no matter how painful , go back to china and find someone there.

[Katherine]

Hi, I am in China now. I just want to give it another try. But of course I will be myself frist. He told me if one day he wants to settle down I will be the one. Besides, I really like him.

[AdminOnline]

Hi, I am in China now. I just want to give it another try. But of course I will be myself frist. He told me if one day he wants to settle down I will be the one. Besides, I really like him.

I don't like the word 'if' ..it is just an assumption, afterall.

Anyway, be optimistic .

[Katherine]

Sure. I will keep that way.