All guys, please help!

[Katherine]

Is it really that hard for a guy to say: I love you?

Many people say guys don't say that cos they really don't love you.

But some others say it may be because something is his past.

But what do you think, guys?

Please help out!!!

[Junket]

I don't really say I love you.

The word has become kinda dirty in my mind, like I'm proposing for marriage.

[Katherine]

you dont say that only because you dont like to express it or because you dont love her? Or it will bring too much pressure, like what you said, marriage?

[MVPlaya]

No one is going to be able to give you any meaningful advice based on that little you have posted. All men are different, we know nothing about yours.

[Katherine]

My bf never says love. He only tells me he likes me when I asked and told me when that day comes he will. But have no idea when that day is coming. he told me love couple of times, one time on my birthday, the other time was when we got back together after a hard break-up. but later he denied it. the only thing he told me was if he wanted to settle down one day, i would be the one. He had hard childhood. very hard. Those days make him become tough, self-protected, and unwilling to trust others. he never does things to please girls. we ve been together for more than 2 years, which is his longest relationship, he never sent me flowers, says things sweet, or does something that is sweet or romantic. he plays the guitar, so he drilled a hole on a pink pick and let me wear it on my necklace. he had me on his back to walk long distance because my shoes killed my feet that time. we had very little in common. he likes music, i do painting. he's american, i m chinese. he likes motorcycles and cars, but i dont know anything about that. we live in two countries now. very loyal to each other. we talk on skype on weekends. care for each other. I love him so much that I can do anything to make him happy. But i just dont know why he cannot tell me he loves me. is it because his past? or he doesnt love me at all.

[Katherine]

one more thing here: he is 34. has no job now. and my family all dont like him because he didnt go to any college (degree thing is huge in China). I am 29 and have a rich family and before i met him, i lived with my family and used their money to have luxury life. He changed everything. now I start to save money for myself. My family kicked me out of the family because of him. I learnt to become independent at age of 29. I know it's ridiculous. But I'm the only child, i have no choice. But i do do what he told me and change myself to a more useful and independent person. He cares for me a lot. when i had problem with my family or work, he always was there. now two years... we keep this long distance relationship. we met only once since he left for US. This summer I went to america to visit him. we had fights, he yelled at me to go back to china and find some guy to get married. but finally, we still cannot leave each other. And we still care for each other a lot. So what is going on here? He loves me or not?

[Aeradalia]

Whether he loves you or not... this relationship isn't healthy.

[Katherine]

Would you please explain more? Like why it's unhealthy. I really need some suggestion. the problem is with him or me or both of us?

[Wallace Stevens]

It's unhealthy because he is clearly unable to reciprocate what you want -- love and attention -- and therefore you will look to fulfill your desires elsewhere in due time.

[Katherine]

actually he shows he cares and he has paid me patience which he never gives to others. I used to work with him. He's very impatient, but still spoils me and tolerates me. The only thing is he doesn't want to say that out. all his phone calls will not last for more than 10 minutes, but still talk with me on thephone for more than 1 hour. it's just i'm 29. I really want to settle down now. but he has no any plan yet. I dont want to push him to get married. i know love is not that piece of paper. i just want to be with him.

[Katherine]

i will not look to fulfill my desires elsewhere. I really love him. if i cannot be with him, then i will be with nobody. he's my everything. no matter what he becomes, poor or rich, healthy or sick, I just love him.

[Wallace Stevens]

Good luck.

[Katherine]

So nobody thinks it's gonna work, right?

[Primo]

The older you get, the more carefully you use that word, that's all. It comes from life experience.

[Katherine]

Maybe as he said, when the day comes, he will say it. I need to be patient and not frustrated. But it's very hard. I can stay cool for a month or so, but once we have some issue or small fight, I become paranoid and think he doesn't like or need me anymore. I might keep asking: do you still like me? which would piss him off.

But our relationship is very stable. He doesnt see anybody else there in America. We keep long distance relationship for over 21 months during which he never sees any girl there and be clean all the time. It's quite hard for guys in american, I guess, even in
China. They may feel lonely and hook up a girl temp. to release their requirement, if you know what I mean. But he never does this. And when we met this summer, we couldn't stop wanting each other and felt strong passion between us.

But it's just so hard for us to meet, cos it's very hard to apply for US visa for Chinese.