Would YOU want to know if your boyfriend cheated?

[Sanctuary]

As human beings, I don't think we were ever naturally wired to be that monogamous in the first place. You can't really blame the guy for what he did and I bet many guys in the same exact situation would do the same ****ing thing (literally, the thing they're doing is ****ing).

Anyway, she has a right to know. She'll probably dump your ass though lol. But she does have a right to know.

You'll eventually find someone better anyway, and if not, that's your punishment for being a cheater.

[fitftw]

Why is it so hard for people to be faithful? Really is the grass ****ing greener on the cheating side? ****ing idiots.

[Gigabitch]

bluesummer, sometimes they change. Maybe not the guys, but maybe women?

I think when women cheat, it's worse. It's generally premeditated by women.

You can't really blame the guy for what he did ...

I blame him for hiding it from his girlfriend if he chooses to do this. That's pretty low.

[Mud]

I realize this was asked in the female forum but I feel like I had to answer. If you tell her she's going to dump you, what woman wouldn't? If you feel as though your never going to let it happen again try to put it behind you but be warned, sooner or later the truth ALWAYS comes out and it's more than likely she's going to find out what you did and kick you to the curb anyway.

[bluesummer]

I think when women cheat, it's worse. It's generally premeditated by women..

Exactly. Women aren't the types to generally fall victim to unforeseen sexual urges. I admit to cheating on my ex-husband after he'd done it to me a couple of times. I didn't plan to have sex with the guy that night, but I knew somewhere in the back of my head I was going to let it happen when the situation eventually arose.

I'm not excusing men from cheating, I'm just agreeing with Giga that when a woman cheats, it is usually worse.

Fitftw, sure people can change. However, all the instances I know that involved cheating partners, the cheater repeated at some point.....maybe not til many years later, but they did. I also think that after one partner cheats the relationship sours irreparably. No matter how much you try to trust that person or forgive them, you never really do, and that pretty much means the relationship is no longer healthy.

[Confused_One]

I'm a guy but I feel like chiming in here.

I think this depends on each individual person. I for one am not a jealous person and have basically figured that if my woman wants back with me after cheating, it means I must be the better partner then the other guys out there. It maybe flawed according to some people, but that is how I feel.

I had a 6-8 week break with my girlfriend, she wasn't sure about our relationship. Part of the reason was that she had met another guy. She doesn't know I found this out and I have never confronted her about it. She never cheated on me physically, I know that for a fact. But, she did spend some time with this guy.

Ultimately we got back together and have been for the last 3 years (close to 10 years total). The other guy never really bothered me and I still let my girlfriend go out with her close guy friends and I never really get jealous.

Now I am the one in a situation where I have a crush on her best friend... lol. I won't be cheating and her friend is such a good friend and nice girl, it would never happen anyway.

For some people, what my girlfriend did would mean the end. For me, I think I will always be able to forgive and take back. Granted if she left me for another man for good, it would really hurt, but there isn't much a person can do about that.

For me, I think I'd rather know, but if I didn't know it wouldn't bother me much either, cause the outcome is the same, I'd want to stay with her if I really love her.

I think sex is a part of love, but there is a lot more to love then just sex whereas sex can just be sex.

But, that's just me.

[Aeradalia]

If my boyfriend cheated on me I'd be confused as well as angry.

If he wanted to 'test drive' some other woman, all he has to do is ask and include me


In all seriousness though, I probably wouldn't be interested in having him around since I would've lost all trust in him. If I were to forgive him it would have to be under very specific circumstances and I'd have to be convinced that it would never happen again.

[CocoChanel]

I don't get it.
If you want to sleep with other people why not be single?
I'm with fiftw. Is it really that hard to be faithful?

[Enigmos]

which do you think will hurt her more: the fact that you cheated or the fact that you're lying (present tense) to her?

did you wear a condom? did it work? or is it possible you could transmit an std to your gf, whom you supposedly love?

[hoppy1214]

This question is tricky. As the ex-girlfriend of a few cheaters... I never wanted to know that they cheated. It broke my heart to know they had been disloyal. But as so many people pointed out, the truth has a tendency of coming out. And once I found out, the relationship was over. A few points:

A. You have destroyed the trust. If you don't tell her, you will start suspecting her of cheating. I don't know why a guilty conscience has that effect but it will.

B. If you do tell her, then she will have a hard time trusting you... and you will still have a hard time trusting her.

C. This "friend" of yours is not some stranger from a bar. She knows your name, your other friends, and where you live. That means other people already know what happened. And the more people that know, the greater chance of gf finding out. It will be worse to hear this from someone else.

Honestly, you should probably tell her and be prepared to get dumped. You might have to chalk this one up to experience and learn to keep your **** in your pants.

[IndiReloaded]

To answer the question, in all honesty. people coming clean about a random night of casual sex that meant nothing, with someone you'll never see again, does much more harm than good.

Really? It does more harm to tell than to actually cheat? And then lie about it?

Tell me, Primo. How many 'random nights of casual sex' need to happen before it does mean something? One? Ten? One hundred?

You have a logical consistency problem.

I wouldn't tell and I wouldn't want to be told.

The latter is your choice, and something you should discuss with a partner as a hypothetical situation. However, as a done deal, you take a lot of liberties making this decision for your partner. It is highly disrespectful to decide whether something is important for another thinking adult. Your attitude is very condescending.

Here is an analogy: Let's say you are married for years, with small children and you disrupt your relationship by cheating. Your wife knows, but has decided to forgive you.

Now, do the children need to know? Why or why not? And is it your right to make that decision for them?

In this case, I would say no. If the children are young, they do not need to know about your infidelity; it doesn't affect them directly (unless you made your wife sick by contracting an STD) and they do not have the maturity to understand the situation in its full context.

So, you are basically saying you would treat your partner the same way you would treat a minor. This is not a partnership between adults. Arguments that you are simply 'protecting' your relationship are insincere, since true protection would mean that the cheating never happened in the first place.

Sorry Primo. Unless you have explicitly discussed this issue and know for certain your partner would not want to know about an infidelity, your actions are largely driven by emotional cowardice and lack of respect.

[Rosinha]

If my boyfriend cheated on me I would like to know, and I would be hurt.
If he lied to me about it well... it would be hell unleashed and I would kick his sorry ass so hard he wouldn't be able to sit for a month!
Tell her.

[kms]

Everyone has different 'deal breakers' when it comes to relationships. For some, cheat once and you're done (as can be seen by many of the posts). Others may be able to work past it, as long as it doesn't happen again. Some people may not even care, as they distinguish sex as being separate from love (for instance, I do know people who don't have a problem if their SO had sex with someone else; they would just want to be informed ahead of time). Others would go as far as being in polyamorous relationships. So.... it really just depends on the individual.

You mentioned that you hadn't had sex in a long time. Why? Are you in a long distance relationship? Is she not having sex with you for some reason? I ask because, although cheating is never justified, there could be some reasons pushing someone to cheat. If a person's physical needs aren't being met, that person may have a very difficult time turning down the chance to get them fulfilled elsewhere, particularly when they are drunk and have minimal inhibitions. It doesn't make the cheating ok, but it does put it in context, and helps identify the problems in the relationship. In this case, both parties would be at fault - one for withholding and the other for cheating.

With regard to this particular situation, more information would be needed. Plus, as I mentioned, her response to cheating, as to whether or not it is a deal breaker, is entirely up to her and impossible to predict.

[cmacattack1]

What's worse? Cheating on a girlfriend? Or being faithful, not being honest with your feelings, and backing away when she becomes desparate and needy, crying and hurt all the time? Not hypothetical, that's clearly what happened to me

Not that my actions are excused but I always thought I got a bad rap when I got dumped because I never cheated, physically hurt her, etc.

[iHEARTu]

WELL. honestly, i wouldnt want to know at all. but if i found out and you didnt tell me- i'd be hurt like anything. So just tell her that you're sorry, it was a mistake - EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED- and hope to hell she can forgive you.