Will her feelings ever come back? Any help is greatly appreciated

[Soccer2928]

After 4 days of not talking, my ex messaged me saying that for right now she wants to be just friends. I pretty much knew that this was going to be the case (so I really wasn't disappointed) because if she really wanted to be with me and her feelings really did come back, then she would have said she wanted to be with me instead of saying she didn't know what she wanted in the first place. She told me that she is just really confused right now about a lot of things, and I told her that I understood. I told her that I still love and care about her but that I am sick of waiting, and I agree that we should just be friends. I told her that if an opportunity for me to date or go out with someone else comes along then I am definitely going to take it, and I am not going to wait for her to make up her mind. I told her that since she first told me that she no longer had feelings for me (about a month ago), and she said that we would not be together again that I had really moved on, and I didn't think that we would be getting back together either. I honestly don't know what is going to happen between us. I think there might always be a chance for us to get back together because of the history we have and because we still love and care about each, but I am not going to stop living my life and stop having fun while she tries to figure things out. However, I will be there for her as a friend and I know that I always want her a part of my life. If she does decide that she wants to be with me then that is definitely a possibility, but until that happens I am going to continue living my life and having fun. Does anyone think that I said the right things and that I should feel this way?

[RogerPodacter]

After 4 days of not talking, my ex messaged me saying that for right now she wants to be just friends. I pretty much knew that this was going to be the case (so I really wasn't disappointed) because if she really wanted to be with me and her feelings really did come back, then she would have said she wanted to be with me instead of saying she didn't know what she wanted in the first place. She told me that she is just really confused right now about a lot of things, and I told her that I understood. I told her that I still love and care about her but that I am sick of waiting, and I agree that we should just be friends. I told her that if an opportunity for me to date or go out with someone else comes along then I am definitely going to take it, and I am not going to wait for her to make up her mind. I told her that since she first told me that she no longer had feelings for me (about a month ago), and she said that we would not be together again that I had really moved on, and I didn't think that we would be getting back together either. I honestly don't know what is going to happen between us. I think there might always be a chance for us to get back together because of the history we have and because we still love and care about each, but I am not going to stop living my life and stop having fun while she tries to figure things out. However, I will be there for her as a friend and I know that I always want her a part of my life. If she does decide that she wants to be with me then that is definitely a possibility, but until that happens I am going to continue living my life and having fun. Does anyone think that I said the right things and that I should feel this way?

It seems like she has been honest with you about the fact that she is confused, and since you guys were together for 3 years I think what you said was fine. You guys on relatively good terms and and it leaves the door open for a possible future together. She knows how you feel about her and obviously wont forget what you guys had together. I wish i could feel the way you do towards my ex, but right now i have a lot of resentment and anger towards her for some reason (I think i'm gonna make a post about it). I dont want it to be like this, especially after 6 years with her. I've always wanted to at least be able to be on speaking terms with an ex. But right now i cant. Its just how i feel at the moment, i cant help it.

[Soccer2928]

Here is an update on my situation. Basically after my ex told me that she just wanted to be friends again for the time being, everything was fine and we talked as friends. Recently she said she wanted to get together for dinner so we set up a date. However, the night before I wanted to come visit her (we are now both back at school), and she pretty much blew me off. That same night when I finally got a hold of her, I yelled at her for like 10 minutes and I cancelled the dinner plans. I felt it was necessary because I have been there for her the entire time that we have been broken up no matter how much she hurt me, and now she was blowing me off for people who weren't even casual friends. After I was done yelling at her, I told her that this whole being friends wasn't going to work and we got off the phone. Later that night she called to apologize and that was it. The next day, she messaged me just to say hey, and I again told her how hurt and upset I was. I tried to explain to her that couples who went out for as long as we did don't become friends shortly after the relationship because usually there is still some hurt and resentment. We are both experiencing that (along with jealousy, mostly on her part) right now so I thought it was best if we didn't even talk. Well everything was fine with that until she told me that she needs me in her life because I am the only person she can talk to about everything, and I have been the only person who is always there for her. I felt bad after she told me that, and I finally told her that we can be friends but it is going to be hard, and that I refuse to be a back-up or last resort as either a friend or eventually as boyfriend. I said in order for this friendship to work we both have to be completely honest with each other, and that if an opportunity comes for me to be with someone else then I am going to take it without waiting for her (She says she is still confused about her feelings and she needs time to date and all that other crap). So right now we are working on being friends again, but this time I refuse to let her think that she can use me if there is no one else there for her, and like I said, I am not going to wait for her to make up her mind about us. Are there any thoughts on if I did the right thing?

[blue]

i think that you have definaltley have done the right thing. if you think that you can handle being friends go for it but if you cant dont compromise yourself sometimes things take time.

[RogerPodacter]

Honestly i think the way you are handling your situation is perfect. You are trying to be the better man by staying in her life, yet you are making sure she knows that she doesnt have you wrapped around her finger.

[Soccer2928]

Honestly i think the way you are handling your situation is perfect. You are trying to be the better man by staying in her life, yet you are making sure she knows that she doesnt have you wrapped around her finger.

Thanks blue and RogerPodacter; I really appreciate the support. I am just trying my best to show her that I still love and care about her while not letting her take advantage of my kindness and friendship. I am still hoping that she will realize that I am the right person for her, and I figure by me being her friend that she will see this. She has told me that I am the only person in her life that she can tell anything to and that has always been there for her, so I know that she still cares about me, and I just hope that in time we can be together again. Thanks again for the support, and if anyone else has any comments, suggestions, or past experiences similar to mine than I would really appreciate it. Thanks again!

[Soccer2928]

Things just keep getting more confusing, and it seems like we keep playing the same game over and over again. In one of my most recent posts I stated that friendships usually don't happen right away after a long and serious relationship because there is still hurt, resentment, and jealousy. In my case, I was right. Yesterday I talked to my ex, as friends of course, and suddenly I realized that I couldn't do this anymore; be friends that is. I realized that I still love her so much, and as we were talking about dating other people, I became jealous and I told her that we couldn't be friends anymore. It just hurts so much knowing that she wants to be with other people, and I can't listen to her or help her through that kind of stuff as a friend because I know that it is going to bother the hell out of me. For a little while I was able to, but I guess I am just not over her. The only positive thing out of this is we ended it on good terms, wishing each other the best of luck and both saying that we are always going to love each other. I don't know what is going to happen because the longest we have ever gone without talking is only 4 days, so I am curious to see if either one of us are able to not speak to one another for an extended period of time. I really thought that being friends was the best option but I am just not ready for it right now, and hopefully things will work out for the best.

[RogerPodacter]

You know, i was wondering if/how you were gonna be able to do that with her. After you said you were gonna stay friends with her, it got me to thinking about my situation and if i shouldnt be completely ignoring my ex. She has been calling me once in a while, and she emails me saying hi and tell whats going on in her life, etc. But i have completely ignored her. Part of me feels bad, especially because she says she knows i probably dont want to hear from her and thats ok. But i still love her so much, yet i hate her for what she has done and the position she has put me in.

My situation with my ex is different than yours though. My ex pretty much lives with this new guy now. It hurts so f*cking much just typing that...

[Soccer2928]

I really didn't think that it would be this hard to not talk to my ex. I still have some hurt and resentment over everything she has done to me, but it sucks because I still love her so much. I hate being played around with, and I really hate the mind games, but I KNOW that she still loves me. It's like I keep telling myself that I deserve so much better, but I just can't get over her. I'm having fun doing my own thing and being able to do whatever I want without worrying about anyone getting mad, but at the end of the day, I always think about her. And it sucks having my friends who were also friends with my ex tell me not to worry, and that in time she will realize that she needs me, but it's like will she ever realize that? I am still hopeful that she will, because I know of so many other similar situations that turned out positively, and I am just hoping that mine will do the same. I know everyone is different but I have two friends who were in the same exact position as my ex is in now, and after about 3-5 months of being broken up, they both realized they had made a mistake, and in the end, everything has worked out for the both of them. It has been 3 months since my ex and I broke up, and already she told me that she still loves me but she is confused about her feelings. I just don't know what to do. I have fluctuated from moving on and getting over her to missing her more than anything, and I just don't know what to do.

[Anthony]

You have the right to feel hurt and used, although I don't believe that she truly meant to take advantage of your kindness and play games. You mentioned that you're fluctuating emotionally; it stands to reason that she's having to deal with very much the same thing, which might help to explain some of her actions.

She is confused about her feelings and needs the space that you're giving her. It might be quite difficult to accept that she's interested in exploring relationships with other men, understandably, however the only option you seem to have is the one you've already chosen to take.

I would personally suspect that she won't end up dating another man in the near future, after having read your descriptions of the events. It's natural to feel turned upside-down in a situation similar to the one you're experiencing. All I can suggest is that you continue with the way you've been handling it up until this point and be patient, hopefully the rest will work itself out in time.

[Soccer2928]

We have been back at school for over a week, and I made an important decision a few days ago. Since we have been back at school, things have completely changed, and I went from "the one person" she could tell anything to and the one person who was always there for her to someone who doesn't even seem important to her anymore. After talking to my ex, and getting into a huge argument about how badly she has treated me since we have both been back at school (blowing me off, ignoring my calls and not calling me back), I sent her an e-mail that ended everything. I explained to her how I think she has changed as a person, and how the person she is now isn't the same person that I loved and cared about. I told her how much that I loved and cared about her in the past, but now I am just left with a broken heart and a lot anger. I ended it by telling her that I don't want us to get back together and I don't want us to talk again, and I know I will find someone who will appreciate me. I wished her the best of luck with everything, and I believe I ended it on a good note.
I really needed to stand up for myself, and let her know how much her actions have hurt me. I really was the only person who was there for her this summer even after she hurt me so badly, and for her to treat me like she has during parts of the summer and since we have been back at school, it made me realize that I need to do what is best for me and just remove her from my life. If she doesn't want to be with me or even want me as an important part of her life than I need to do the same. I blocked her from all of my internet communications, and I honestly don't expect to talk to her again. I feel much better about everything, and I now see that I was wasting my time in wanting to get her back.

[chillingsr]

Good for you man. She doesn't deserve you to be there for her all the time. You deserve so much better. I have been in the same boat as you and about 3 weeks ago I decided that I was never going to talk to the ex ever again. She called me 3 times a few days ago and left messages but I am not going to return the calls and I am just going to avoid her. We don't deserve to be treated like this and we need to stand up for ourselves. You told her how you felt and that is all you can do. Keep being strong.

[Soccer2928]

Good for you man. She doesn't deserve you to be there for her all the time. You deserve so much better. I have been in the same boat as you and about 3 weeks ago I decided that I was never going to talk to the ex ever again. She called me 3 times a few days ago and left messages but I am not going to return the calls and I am just going to avoid her. We don't deserve to be treated like this and we need to stand up for ourselves. You told her how you felt and that is all you can do. Keep being strong.

Thanks a lot chillingsr; I definitely appreciate the support, and good luck to you also. I know that I was an amazing boyfriend and friend to her, and if she can't appreciate me then I am no longer going to waste my time being there for her. It took me over 3 months to realize this, but I am glad that it finally happened, and I can now move on with my life.

[Anthony]

I'm sorry to hear that it came to the point where breaking off contact was a necessity. You deserve better than to simply be the doormat she uses to clean off her own difficulties.

[Soccer2928]

My ex text messaged me twice today apologizing for ever hurting me (why it took so long for an apology I don't know), and I didn't return either message. I was planning on ignoring her, but then she called and I answered. I pretty much restated what I said in my e-mail, and I again stood up for myself. I told her that I was tired of being a "fall back", and that she was a completely different person to me now. She knew that I had blocked her from my AOL, and I told her it was necessary for me to do that because I need to do what is best for me, and that is to move on. She said that it hurt her knowing that I had done that, and she also said that it hurt her when I talked about other girls (from previous conversations), but I reminded her that this is what she wanted (the break-up), and those are the consequences. I reminded her of how much she has hurt me (she said she was sorry), and I ended it by saying that if she needs anything else to read my e-mail again because I have nothing else to say. I feel good about being able to stand up for myself, and not allow her to use me again. I did however feel bad that she was crying on the phone, but I reminded myself that she wanted us broken up and that is what happens when people break up.