Will her feelings ever come back? Any help is greatly appreciated

[MJK]

That must be hard,
I would realy like to be able to ignore my ex like you do
Annyway your right it was her decision to breakup with you so she must live with the consequence.

[RogerPodacter]

My ex text messaged me twice today apologizing for ever hurting me (why it took so long for an apology I don't know), and I didn't return either message. I was planning on ignoring her, but then she called and I answered. I pretty much restated what I said in my e-mail, and I again stood up for myself. I told her that I was tired of being a "fall back", and that she was a completely different person to me now. She knew that I had blocked her from my AOL, and I told her it was necessary for me to do that because I need to do what is best for me, and that is to move on. She said that it hurt her knowing that I had done that, and she also said that it hurt her when I talked about other girls (from previous conversations), but I reminded her that this is what she wanted (the break-up), and those are the consequences. I reminded her of how much she has hurt me (she said she was sorry), and I ended it by saying that if she needs anything else to read my e-mail again because I have nothing else to say. I feel good about being able to stand up for myself, and not allow her to use me again. I did however feel bad that she was crying on the phone, but I reminded myself that she wanted us broken up and that is what happens when people break up.

Wow at least it looks like your ex has some remorse or regret (not sure about regret) about hurting you. Hearing her cry must have sucked.

Today i finally contacted my ex who i've been ignoring completely. I replied to one of her emails and all i said was this:

Hey, glad things are working out for you. Listen, i know you've called and emailed me a few times, and i'm not ignoring you to be mean or because i hate you. It would be great for us to be friends and still be a part of each other's lives, even if its only on a limited basis. But right now its really hard for me to do that, and i dont think that will ever change at the moment. I dont feel that you were honest with me about things when all i wanted from you was the truth. i dont know what else to say really.

Originally i had written a much longer reply being more friendly, telling her what has been going on in my life. And i started out the last paragraph with what i just wrote above, followed by a lot of things including me telling her how much she hurt me. In the end i didnt want to send it like that, so i just left it at what i put above. I didnt know if i wanted to write in the email about how much she hurt me, so i left it out. Should i have said it to her (since it is the truth)? Should i have been more friendly with her and sent the entire message that i composed, telling her what's been going on in my life?

[Soccer2928]

The e-mail that I sent on Saturday morning to my ex, along with the blocking of all internet communications, was supposed to be the end of things. And after doing that, I felt great. I was ready to move on, start my life without her, and I began to not even care what she was doing. Well, she found out that I blocked her, and as a result, she created a new screenname. She then began talking to me on this new screenname even after what I had said in the e-mail. Not wanting to be a huge jerk, I talked to her for a few days until I finally realized what I was doing today. I called her up and asked her why she was still talking to me after everything that I had said in the e-mail. She said that she liked talking to me, and she wanted us to be friends. I told her (not only this time but numerous times before, including in the e-mail) that this wasn't possible. I then asked her why she created a screenname specifically to see if I was online, and she said that she didn't like being blocked by me. I asked her repeatedly to be honest with me, and for the final time, was there any part of her that wanted us to get back together? She said no, and I told her that all of these games have to end. I told her that it makes it so hard for me to get over her when she keeps talking to me, and in order for me to get over her I have to stop talking to her. So now I blocked all of her and her friends' screennames, and I really don't intend on talking to her anymore. It just makes me so upset because I know that she wasn't being honest with me. I mean, does it seem a little strange to anyone that she would specifically create a screenname just to see if I was on (and I know this because I unblocked her screenname because she asked me to, and once we started talking again on her original screenname, she never went on the newly-created screenname), and it just seems like she still has feelings for me. Even if she still has feelings for me (which I am most certain that she does) but doesn't want us to be together right now, I could definitely handle that, just be honest with me. But whatever, I really don't care anymore, because I am sick and tired of this whole game and her dishonesty.

[Anthony]

Luckily all it takes is the push of a button to remove as many screen names as she'd like to create. Hopefully she'll realize that she needs to respect your decision as you respected hers, otherwise you might need to make frequent use of that little red button until she understands that you aren't playing any more games.

[mark20]

Soccer this girl sounds like she is just messing with your head! One minute she is telling you there is no way she wants to get back together and the next she has signed in with a new screen name in order to follow you whenever you are online! Very strange!

You should just move on; after all there is no point in playing stupid games. From what I have gathered the only thing you want is to get back together with her and she has stated that it is not an option, so forget her now! Go out with friends, have fun and put her in the past. If she continues to try and contact you by messenger just tell her you do not want any contact. You are right when you say you need time on your own to get over things. It is extremely difficult (if not impossible) to remain friends with an ex shortly after a break up. The transition from being lovers to just being friends overnight is too emotional. It is only after time when you have healed that you can be friends, and even then this proves difficult. At the minute every time you renew contact with her you are only causing yourself more pain. Move on now - good luck and let us know how it goes!

[LifeStyles]

This is almost a mirror of the ordeal that I recently went through. We too no longer talk, mostly because of me being a huge jerk to end it completely, but it worked. You're right to not want to talk with her, it will only fuddle things up and make it harder for you to get where you need to be. And everyone changes at the end, that's just the nature of breakups I suppose. Good for you that you figured it out a little less painlessly than most.

[Soccer2928]

It's been really hard keeping up with the no contact with my ex (but I have been doing a good job of it) and trying to move on, and my ex continues to make things hard for me. Over the weekend, I left an away message on my computer that I was going to be out of town. My ex, somehow seeing this message because she is still blocked on my computer, asked a friend of mine why I was out of town and what I was doing. Luckily, this friend called me and relayed the entire conversation to me. My ex was concerned that I was out partying, and it eventually got to the point where she called me to find out what I was doing. I, of course, didn't answer, and never called her back. I thought that would be the end of things, but yesterday morning I received an e-mail from her which basically stated that she is so sorry for ever hurting me, she wishes she could take all of the hurtful things back, she wishes that we could be friends because she misses having me as a best friend, wishes she could say that we would get back together because everything would be so much easier and she would be happier most of the time (so why aren't we back together?), she was driving past my dorm yesterday and wished she could have come in to see how I was, and she ended it by saying that she will always be there for me. I again didn't respond to this e-mail. Later on that day, she called and I didn't answer again or call her back. It just seems like she is adamant on moving on, but she doesn't want me to move on just in case she decides that she wants us to get back together. I truly believe that she still has feelings for me because after spending 3 years together, most of the time believing that we were meant to be with each other, and knowing that I was a great boyfriend, I don't think she would no longer have any feelings for me. I really would like to understand what is going on in her head, but every time that I have tried to find out what happened between us, I come away with an unsatisfactory answer. Hopefully I can keep up with the no contact, and eventually move on with my life. Any help, advice, or encouragement is greatly appreciated.

[Anthony]

You seem to have been doing a good job thus far, keep it up. I agree that it's likely she wants you to remain single in the event she decides to restart the relationship. That in itself sounds manipulative, and reducing contact with her as you're doing should prevent that from becoming a problem. Playing games as she would isn't something that says a lot about her overall intentions, whether or not she's meaning her actions to be manipulative.

[Soulkiss_29]

You are doing the right thing by sticking to the 'no contact rule'. It sounds like your ex wants to have her cake and eat it too. You don't need her; you don't need anyone whom wants to be on their own, just to explore some other options and use you as a last resort, just in case she cannot find what she's looking for. You are better than that!!!

If you do decide to speak to her, keep her in the dark! Don't let her know what's been going on with you. Remember, now that you are apart, circumstances change. It's none of her f**king business, regarding your personal life or if you decide to go out of town!

Hang in there, friend, and keep your head up! We are all behind you!!!


~Soul

[toto]

Hi, been reading you thread and feel that im just about to go through the same situation. I hope you would read mine (seperation or break up preperation?) for my story but to answer my own question YES is does.

It is encouraging reading your post cos the circumstances may be differant but my g/f and i broke up 2 days ago. the strange thing is i felt worse before we broke up, not to say im fine now, but a least i know where i stand. Im confused to weather i should try and get her back cos thats what my heart wants or to take time out myself to think about me, her and us and the reasons for breaking up. before we broke up when ever i started thinking about it being over it would have me in tears, but the forum has helped preparing me for it.

What i wanted to ask you and others is how do a approach her and talk to her. We STILL LIVE TOGETHER and love each other but its clear that this is a break up and not a slip up. But i feel i can get her back? I would like to be in your situation but feel that time will play a factor.

[RogerPodacter]

Hi, been reading you thread and feel that im just about to go through the same situation. I hope you would read mine (seperation or break up preperation?) for my story but to answer my own question YES is does.

It is encouraging reading your post cos the circumstances may be differant but my g/f and i broke up 2 days ago. the strange thing is i felt worse before we broke up, not to say im fine now, but a least i know where i stand. Im confused to weather i should try and get her back cos thats what my heart wants or to take time out myself to think about me, her and us and the reasons for breaking up. before we broke up when ever i started thinking about it being over it would have me in tears, but the forum has helped preparing me for it.

What i wanted to ask you and others is how do a approach her and talk to her. We STILL LIVE TOGETHER and love each other but its clear that this is a break up and not a slip up. But i feel i can get her back? I would like to be in your situation but feel that time will play a factor.

Sorry i dont really have any specific advice for you. I'm just re-living my break up from 6 months ago. i really wish i would have found this forum back then, because i had a lot to learn about women, break-ups (my first time being heartbroken) and love, and i could have done things SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY.

[Soccer2928]

Hello everyone. Just when I was doing so well with the no contact, I couldn't help it anymore. I called her and we started talking again. And guess what? I am hurting again just like I was when we first broke up. She seems so set on moving on with her life, and it is like she is a completely different person. She is doing the exact opposite of what we did when we were together (going out with friends, drinking, partying), and she is having the time of her life doing it. I don't know if this is just a phase or her way of dealing with everything, but she just isn't the same person, and that is making everything so much more difficult. There is even a new guy in her life that she likes, but they aren't anything serious. This guy is even the exact opposite of me (skater-type, pot smoker, but apparently he is a nice guy). While she is living it up and having a great time, I am still missing her so much and wishing that we would get back together. I know that I have no choice but to cut her out of my life and move on; otherwise, I will continue to feel like crap and I will never get over her. She told me one thing that really bothered me and boggled my mind. She said that while she misses me as a person and misses having me as her best friend, she doesn't ever miss me as a boyfriend and it doesn't bother her that we aren't getting back together or won't get back together, certainly not in the near future. I don't understand how we can be together for 3 years, intend to get married and spend our lives together, and then all of the sudden her feelings change, and she no longer wishes that we were together. Will there ever come a point where she realizes that what she is doing now isn't what is best for her, and how can she not miss having me as a boyfriend after everything we went through together? Will those feelings ever come back? I am so hurt and confused, just like I was 4 months ago, and I guess I have no choice but to move on.

[RogerPodacter]

Hello everyone. Just when I was doing so well with the no contact, I couldn't help it anymore. I called her and we started talking again. And guess what? I am hurting again just like I was when we first broke up. She seems so set on moving on with her life, and it is like she is a completely different person. She is doing the exact opposite of what we did when we were together (going out with friends, drinking, partying), and she is having the time of her life doing it. I don't know if this is just a phase or her way of dealing with everything, but she just isn't the same person, and that is making everything so much more difficult. There is even a new guy in her life that she likes, but they aren't anything serious. This guy is even the exact opposite of me (skater-type, pot smoker, but apparently he is a nice guy). While she is living it up and having a great time, I am still missing her so much and wishing that we would get back together. I know that I have no choice but to cut her out of my life and move on; otherwise, I will continue to feel like crap and I will never get over her. She told me one thing that really bothered me and boggled my mind. She said that while she misses me as a person and misses having me as her best friend, she doesn't ever miss me as a boyfriend and it doesn't bother her that we aren't getting back together or won't get back together, certainly not in the near future. I don't understand how we can be together for 3 years, intend to get married and spend our lives together, and then all of the sudden her feelings change, and she no longer wishes that we were together. Will there ever come a point where she realizes that what she is doing now isn't what is best for her, and how can she not miss having me as a boyfriend after everything we went through together? Will those feelings ever come back? I am so hurt and confused, just like I was 4 months ago, and I guess I have no choice but to move on.

damn dog, i feel your pain. it sucks really bad, knowing that you had that girl head over heels in love with you - for 3 years! so many memories and thoughts of things you said to each other. how could it have been so true and sincere back then but not even exist now? you will never get answers to a lot of questions. like what did you do wrong? how can she not even be phased by not being with you? meanwhile deep down you are still heartbroken and hung up on her. makes you wonder what kind of love she really had for you...like you loved her more than she loved you?

with my ex i threw out the no contact rule. well not really, i did call her once. but we've been apart so long now, and she is so f*cking serious with this other d*ckhead, that i dont think it matters what i do really. if i disappeared tomorrow, she might wonder in a month or 2 what happened to me....after 6 of the best, irreplaceable college years of my life...i want them back so i can be a manwhore and meet the "one".

sorry - rant over!

[soulbroken]

Man! You need to see what's happening here. Standing your ground is just a reflex act of bravado and machismo. If you are hurting so bad from standing your ground, do you really think that it was such a wise decision? Wake up! You still love this girl. And she still loves you, regardless of the other guy. Put her back on your AOL. Don't ignore her messages. Ask her out to coffee. Send her flowers. Interrupt the path that this relationship is taking. Create obstacles, do whatever you can. And above all else,talk to her without being a victim. Listen...

Being a victim doesn't work. Victimhood feeds itself, in the sense that a dumper uses the victimhood to justify the reasons for dumping. What use is the whining guy who is revealing all of his hurt to a girl who has it in her mind to be free? I'm telling you that you should feel sad about your loss, you should cry, you should listen to sad songs and all the stuff that helps: but you should never let her see that pain. Do you see how much it hurts you to think about her being carefree and easygoing after you spent so much time together? She wants you to believe that she will be fine without you! And on another level, she is revelling in the fact that you are not fine without her. And that's where you are falling down. To win her back, don't whine at her and let her remind you how much she hurt you. Don't break that rule. Maintain a poker face of absolute joy and radiance at your new life without her. It may be the hardest bluff you ever make in your life, but it may end up the most rewarding.

It is okay to be heartbroken, but trust me, it is not okay to show it if you want to win her back. Ask any woman what a sulking man does for them. In most it breeds contempt. Trust me, I've been there and done that. You've just got to be prepared to show her you are happy when you are really dying inside. And let her know that you are thinking about her. Just get inside her headspace.

[Soccer2928]

Man! You need to see what's happening here. Standing your ground is just a reflex act of bravado and machismo. If you are hurting so bad from standing your ground, do you really think that it was such a wise decision? Wake up! You still love this girl. And she still loves you, regardless of the other guy. Put her back on your AOL. Don't ignore her messages. Ask her out to coffee. Send her flowers. Interrupt the path that this relationship is taking. Create obstacles, do whatever you can. And above all else,talk to her without being a victim. Listen...

Being a victim doesn't work. Victimhood feeds itself, in the sense that a dumper uses the victimhood to justify the reasons for dumping. What use is the whining guy who is revealing all of his hurt to a girl who has it in her mind to be free? I'm telling you that you should feel sad about your loss, you should cry, you should listen to sad songs and all the stuff that helps: but you should never let her see that pain. Do you see how much it hurts you to think about her being carefree and easygoing after you spent so much time together? She wants you to believe that she will be fine without you! And on another level, she is revelling in the fact that you are not fine without her. And that's where you are falling down. To win her back, don't whine at her and let her remind you how much she hurt you. Don't break that rule. Maintain a poker face of absolute joy and radiance at your new life without her. It may be the hardest bluff you ever make in your life, but it may end up the most rewarding.

It is okay to be heartbroken, but trust me, it is not okay to show it if you want to win her back. Ask any woman what a sulking man does for them. In most it breeds contempt. Trust me, I've been there and done that. You've just got to be prepared to show her you are happy when you are really dying inside. And let her know that you are thinking about her. Just get inside her headspace.

Hey, I know exactly what you are saying but I have already done this. At one point, I let her know that I was moving on, and this definitely got to her. She even told me, after I had talked about some other girls, that she didn't want me to talk about them because she still loved me. But even after this happened, she said that it would be best if we just remained friends. Recently, I unblocked her on my AOL, and I have even told her that I am ready to move on. And yesterday we had an interesting conversation. I let her know that I had realized that our break-up was best for the both of us, and I was certain that we weren't meant to be together. She didn't have much of a reply to this, but then out of nowhere, she mentioned getting married. She said she was talking about marriage with one of her friends, and instead of thinking about this other guy (who I will mention again in a minute) she imagined me the entire time. She also said that she is scared that I really am the right person for her but by the time she "realizes" this, that I will have moved on and won't want her back anymore. Although this is encouraging, I think she is just stringing me along and keeping me there in case her feelings do come back. So I am pretty much a back-up plan. Now back to this other guy. Apparently she has some feelings for him, even though he is the complete opposite of both me and her, and she spent most of last night in his dorm room just "hanging out." He likes her too, but they aren't officially anything. She seems confused about what she wants because earlier yesterday, before she spent so much time with him at night, I asked her how things were with him. She said that she really didn't see him as a boyfriend type, and although he hadn't done anything wrong, she really didn't see herself with him. But then why is she spending so much time with him, and why does she claim to have feelings for him? At this point, I am just playing everything cool, and I will see what happens from there. I don't want to get my hopes up on anything happening between us, so I am just going to keep moving on with my life until the point that I am completely over her.