should I stay or go ....after 16 years

[MVPlaya]

I have been married for 16 years- 3 beautiful kids. My marriage has been rocky as long as I can remember; we were married because I was pregnant with our daughter. Over the 16 years, my husband cheated on me 3 times with someone I knew.

He ****ed a whole lot more than 3 women, you just never found out about it because those were women you don't know. And, of course, a couple times they were just discreet enough to slip it past you.

[bluesummer]

Sorry, unforgivable in my books. What a rotten man, he put his own family in jeopardy with the third affair, with her threatening to harm your family.

I'm normally no advocate of divorcing and taking a man's money, but in this case, it's more than deserved. You have a pretty easy case for not only divorce, but full custody and child support. God knows what kind of psycho he'll bring into your lives next, or worse, what kind of disease.

[vashti]

I am not going to advise you on whether or not you should leave. This is a very personal decision, and you are responsible for other human beings. Obviously, no one would blame you forleaving. That said, there are certain realities you will have to face:

You are NOT going to get the kind of money you will want to keep your kids living in the lifestyle they are accustomed to. That is the unfortunate reality. This is why some women in long-term relationships opt not to leave... they are thinking about their kids, college costs, etc.

And I also want to add that if you divorce him, your children will be exposed to a whole string of women of your husband's choosing who will be acting as "mother" to them, and quite honestly, many women aren't very nice, especially to teenagers that aren't theirs.

Personally, given the ages of your children, I would probably just stop having sex with him and stay until you are in a financial position to provide adequately for your kids, even if this means waiting until the older one or two move out. In other words, you can emotionally divorce him without leaving immediately.

[Bumble_bee]

I agree with Vashti, with the kids involved, it is the most sensible thing to do.....

[bluesummer]

I like Vash's idea of the emotional divorce.

I think that's what my Mom did with my Dad until we graduated high school.

[Torn]

Thank you for all your post. This is indeed a very hard decision cos I can see the hurt in his eyes when I suggested that we should go different way but I have been hurt in so many ways. If I give him another chance adn he cheats again...I may just die and not be able to get up again. It's time that I think about mmyself but everytime I think about my kids, my heart aches.

[vashti]

Thank you for all your post. This is indeed a very hard decision cos I can see the hurt in his eyes when I suggested that we should go different way but I have been hurt in so many ways. If I give him another chance adn he cheats again...I may just die and not be able to get up again. It's time that I think about mmyself but everytime I think about my kids, my heart aches.

Did you not read my post? There IS another option.

[Cbrider]

This is indeed a very hard decision cos I can see the hurt in his eyes when I suggested that we should go different way

Oh for the love of god, are you KIDDING me?

You see HURT in HIS eyes?

Like MVP said, he's been with more than 3 women, and regardless, he's cheated 3 times too many as is. I will never understand why one partner would ever forgive another for cheating. This isn't Sex in the City, tigers never change their stripes.

I'm not one to give advice on your situation, but you need to seriously understand how badly you have been had by your shitbag of a husband.

[CocoChanel]

This is so sad.
I hate to see women in this position.

[Cbrider]

This is so sad.
I hate to see women in this position.

Whats sad is that their are both men and women in this world who not only cheat, but are okay with it.