Lack of Sex in the relationship!

[tom0478]

Hey everyone, my name's Tom, and I'm new here.

I have a question that has been reallyyy frustrating me lately and I was hoping I could get some advice on the issue. Here's the deal...My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. We go to the same college, so we see each other fairly often. She's one of those people who seem like they have too much to do, and too little time. When it comes to our love life, it's like she has no time for that either. Every time I try to initiate sex with her, I always get turned down, because she has too much homework, or some other reason. I have a lot of work too, but I still want us to have some kind of sex life. We basically have had sex one time in the last 5 weeks or so, and I think that's ridiculous at our age. It has gotten to the point where I don't even care to initiate it anymore, because I'm tired of always getting turned down. The thing that gets me, is a lot of days, she get very intimate and things start to heat up, and then she wont let me go any farther. She stops me and just tells me that if we do it now, she won't be able to do any work later on. Another thing is that, when it's her time of the month, we end up not having sex for another 3 weeks and I can't figure out why we don't do it for so long. She is on the pill, and I have a hunch that it could be affecting her sex drive or hormones?? Anyways, I would really appreciate some advice on the issue!

[misombra]

either the pill is killing her libido or she just doesn't enjoy having sex with you.

either way this will totally mess up your relationship. relationships w/o sex= dead.

[Primo]

either way this will totally mess up your relationship. relationships w/o sex= dead.

QFT, it doesn't sound good. Chemistry and passion are what drives any relationship.

[Chupacabras]

And certainly can't be helping your self-esteem.

She has got to tell you what the problem is, whether she doesn't have time or the desire you guys have got to get back to f***in'.

[Enigmos]

i have read multiple times that the pill can affect libido.

and, i'm curious, how is a relationship without sex any different from a platonic friendship?

if she is just completely into school, which i understand, she should let you know so that you can move on. but, it's not right to string you along.

and the period thing with no sex for three weeks afterwards? sounds like a cop out.

[jdm95si]

WOW my man i was in your shoes with my last relationship. we had a decent sex life in beginning just cause its teh beginning and everyone loves to have sex during that time but for the last year and half we had sex maybe once or twice every 2 weeks. this was when we were 16-18 so it sucked for me. my ideal is everynight or every other night. doctors say that if men have sex atleast 4 times a week they will actually have a longer life expectancy so pull the "i guess you want me to die.." line XD

no but seroiusly, my girl was on the pill the entire time aswell. its kinda sad the pill kills libido, how cruel...

if you wanna get laid more often, lay down the law, if it doesnt work then you shouldnt spend your prime with a sex life like a 40 yr old. get out there and sex up the whole college man! relationships are about being happy, and if i wasnt getting any sex i wasnt happy but stayed in the relationship for all the other reasons.

best of luck

[jinniu]

haha,,,just flirt her the right way... and i don't think there have a girl who won't have any feeling..shit

[SS Gal]

Hey Tom,

I suspect there is an underlying issue here. It could be that she's telling you the things she is because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth. It could be a number of things, including fear of pregnancy, just not into you or sex anymore, seeing someone else on the side, too tired, stressed out, etc., etc. I recommend you just have a heart to heart conversation about it. Be very nice and understanding and don't get mad or upset, stay calm and discuss it like an adult. Hopefully she will feel like she can trust you with whatever her true reason is and you guys can work things out. If it is truly low libido, she needs to understand the rules...sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Good luck.

[r.t.bucher]

Sometimes the longer people go without sex the less desire they have for it. She seems to still be loyal to you. So her being with another partner seems far fetched.

The only way to straighten this out is by confronting her and asking her why she doesn't want sex from you.

Open and honest dialog is your best approach. And will help you get to the root cause.

I would suggest bringing up the issue outside the bedroom.

Discussions like this are best to be had over coffee or in some other atmosphere.

[pelican8575]

You’re not married right? Dude! I was married for 10 years to a woman just like this. She will never change........ she is not into it with you I don’t care who you are if you are to busy for sex at some point you not interested in it...... if you ask me she is a COCK TEASE! And a cruel one to Boot. She gets worked up and gets you worked up only to give you a lame ass excuse that if she has sex with you she will not be able to work later????? Bull shit! She’s playing you. I know the type was married to her for 10 years. This is what you will have to look forward to when you are married if that ever happens.

At that point it will be stress for the kids, bills, work, tired, depressed, etc.

Now I do not know this girl but she sounds like my EX. RUN!!!!!! RUN!!!!! RUN!!!!!

I know I know “but you love her” trust me that love has already turned to resentment then it will destroy and friendship you may ever have.
SO in a friendly way PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS before it is too late.

[qwertz]

Sometimes the longer people go without sex the less desire they have for it. She seems to still be loyal to you. So her being with another partner seems far fetched.

The only way to straighten this out is by confronting her and asking her why she doesn't want sex from you.

Open and honest dialog is your best approach. And will help you get to the root cause.

I would suggest bringing up the issue outside the bedroom.

Discussions like this are best to be had over coffee or in some other atmosphere.

new one on me

[tasha1133]

talk about it. tell her how you feel. and say your not satisfied. BE HONEST
Now if she changes and accommodates you all's well and good... if she doesn't, and gives you a whole bunch of reasons why she doesn't want to. then think about it, can you stick with her and not have sex? do you love her that much? it all boils down to what you can and cannot take. if you cant take it, then just move on. its all only fair. but make sure before you do anything and come to any decision that you talk it out first, Good luck!

[MVPlaya]

Relationships without sex are not dead. They might be dead to you, but there are many people who don't have sexual relationships. I knew of two friends of mine who had girlfriends and, for different reasons, rarely ever had sex, but they still had very active and loving relationships.

Personally, I need sex and so a relationship without sex will eventually tire me out, but not everyone is that way. When it comes to these things, I really think honesty is just the way to go: ask her why she is never interested in sex. When she brings up excuses, just press on, because at the end of the day she makes a million excuses to get out of sex with you. (Homework? Please.) If someone wants to have sex with you, she will take the time out of her day for it.

Maybe there really is something going on, that is affecting her sexually. It could be the pill affecting her libido. Maybe there is an emotional problem. Maybe she dislikes sex. Maybe there is something about the sex. Either way, you can keep trying and keep getting turned down, you can give up altogether, or you can ask her to figure out where you stand.

[tom0478]

Thanks guys, this was all really helpful. I'm going to try and talk to her and see what comes out of it. I am definitely one of those people who do need sex in a relationship. I think being intimate with one another is important. Of course, I can only speak for myself. Hopefully some good will come out of talking this out. I've tried to before, but I get the same..too many things to do crap. So we shall see...

[CocoChanel]

Sex addicts think that a relationship without sex is dead.
But it's far from the truth.
Relationships without sex are not dead!!!