Is it worth it?

[swin]

My previous ex and I dated on and off for 7 years, the last 4 of those years we had broken up each year for anywhere to 2-6 months at a time. It's always seems to be the same story, we break up because he claims he wants to be sure that I am the one for him, and sure enough a few months later he comes back saying he wishes he never left me...and then we get back together.

Well, we broke up again in April and I VOWED to never get back together with him. It hurt so much because I believe we do have a special connection. We share so many of the same interests, beliefs and values and he's someone I can see growing old with. Now a few days ago, after not talking or seeing him for 6 months he has sent me emails saying how I am the one for him and he hopes that some day I will forgive him and that he "will be waiting". I want to go back to him so badly because he is all I've ever wanted but I am so afraid of getting hurt again and again and again.

Has anyone been in a relationship like this that has worked out?

I told him I wouldn't see him unless we receive couples counseling and address issues before we get back together.

Is it worth it or should I just forget him???

[loudrims_inc]

i was in a similar situation with my ex but to make a long story short, i couldnt do it anymore and i had to pound it in my head so i went out on dates and at the end, i didnt want her anymore...(this is just a short version)

[Primo]

swin, everyone's situation is different, I'll try to keep it brief like loudrims.

Back 'n forth, back 'n forth because there's a great connection, something magical when it's going good. After a few weeks of being back together and everything going great, the same things that always broke us up, break us up again. Rinse, lather, repeat.

I finally realized that I kept asking her back, because yes, I cared for and loved her dearly, but because I wanted to know that I could have her back if I wanted to as well, that she'd drop everything and come to me.

And yes, she'd always come back. It was just my ego not letting go. Her, well I think she kept coming back hoping she could be different, but she never was. We ended up wasting way too much of each other's lives even though when it was good there was nothing else like it.

If it was fairly new, I'd say maybe something could help, but to be honest it just looks like that's how it is between you two :-P

[swin]

Thanks Primo and Laudrims

Thats what I wonder sometimes...Is he just doing it because he can? I know he does ultimately care and love me, but is it too "easy" to just come back to me when there's nothing else working out for him.

I have gone out on dates/seen people in our time apart and noone has been able to compare. It's so hard when you have this vision of what your life is supposed to be like and then have to change it completely. I guess I have to work on that.

[damn2008]

The back and forth will ruin you, because it's a constant reminder of the hurt you go through. And Primo touched on a good point as to why men and women constantly go back to one another...the man does it for the ego and the woman does it in hopes things will be different. I admit I did it for the ego before and even redid the same mistakes knowing full well my ex- would come back. I know better now.

It will also HURT any potential relationships you have in the future as well. Let's say you do meet someone who compares but your on-off feelings for your ex- WILL hinder you from developing anything new with another person.

You ultimately need to decide what is best but if you decide to break it off for good, give yourself time to mourn the relationship before you move on.

[minnie_an]

Ex mean the past, so let de past gone! better not to get hurt cos of the past again!
U'll meet Mr.Right who wont hurt u in the future! Believe me, cos i used to be in ur situation. Now i met my honey! He's my everything Careful, Respectful,Warmful,Helpful,Happiness I believe u'll meet too

[Cbrider]

Swin, this is really a simple question. When you start a thread titled "Should I....", it immediately tells everyone around you that YOU are not ready.

Its not a bad thing, but going in unsure is a perfect start down the same, dismal path.