She isn't very responsive with text messages. Should I just walk away?

[pisces7378]

I don't care if you are a man, woman, or alien... 21, 35, or 110... if you ignore someone because you might feel an incie wincie uncomfortable telling him/her the truth... you are an asshole. And to anyone reading this that has ever done that... F_U_C_K Y_O_U!!!

Ahhhhhh.... that felt great!

[NBT]

I don't care if you are a man, woman, or alien... 21, 35, or 110... if you ignore someone because you might feel an incie wincie uncomfortable telling him/her the truth... you are an asshole. And to anyone reading this that has ever done that... F_U_C_K Y_O_U!!!

Ahhhhhh.... that felt great!

And WEAK, as well.

[girl68]

Never try online dating, you'll send 15 messages and 14.5 of them will be "assholes" for not responding.

[NBT]

Never try online dating, you'll send 15 messages and 14.5 of them will be "assholes" for not responding.

lol, Are you one of the 14.5 who doesn't respond to hardly any of your emails?

[gray2222]

I'd let it go. You're probably right that she's upset because you did not call the next day after the kiss. Ignoring a person is b.s. as you now see. I wonder if she called or texted you the next day after the kiss and you ignored her????

At this point, you're too angry to do anything else regarding this without looking like a crazy stalker, but if you insist, I would explain to her why you didn't contact her the next day and tell her it was a mistake.

[pisces7378]

I'm not angry at all. I think I just come off as intense because it's the internet. I don't really mean F%#$@ You to anyone. And I totally understand why people ignore people they just aren't into.

I would do the same thing. I just didn't think that it would A.) happen to me with THIS girl, and B.) happen so quickly, after only one real date, and C.) happen after things were looking so good.

I have always prided myself on being so intuitive and able to grasp what people are feeling etc. But lately, since my divorce, I think my radar is ALL messed up. I have ZERO idea if this girl...

- got mad at me for not contacting her the next day?

- is intimidated by the fact that I am 31 and she is 21?

- is put off by the fact that I was once married?

- is simply not physically attracted to me, because I am overweight.

- thought I seemed arrogant.

- thinks I drink too much because I met her at a bar where she is a server, so she's only seen me when I am drinking.


I think I should just walk away. But when you say that I probably ticked her off when I didn't call her after we kissed... it just makes me wonder if I shouldn't just wait a week or so, and then try again to see her and explain.

It's confusing, because if she just isn't into me at all because of one of the above reasons... then I don't want to be one of those guys that hounds someone who is obviously just not into me. But if she is just ticked off at me or putt off by how I didn't call her the next day... then I can totally explain that.

[IndiReloaded]

Stop thinking about it/her already. No point to 2nd guess your behaviour. Those points you mention are all to do with your insecurity and many you can't do anything about (being married, age, etc). If someone likes you, they like you. If she hasn't contacted you by now she's not into you. That is all. Next girl!

[girl68]

lol, Are you one of the 14.5 who doesn't respond to hardly any of your emails?

Yes. If I'm not interested I won't even respond. And I've sent messages out to and got not response. So it's not just women.

Personally I think it's more rude to send out a "thanks but I'm not interested" I'd rather just not get anything. But some people would prefer to just be told straight up- whereas me just ignore me, trust me by your no response- I GET IT. But some people don't...

[pisces7378]

Try this on for size...

I had already decided that this girl just wasn't into me. So I stopped arguing with reality in my mind and resided myself to this one just not working out. That is honestly fine with me, but just as a period at the end of the sentence, I decided to follow NBT's advice and text her one last time to make fun of her for "just using me for some kissy-face."

She immediately wrote back, (verbatim):
"Ah! I am so sorry. I've been SUPER busy and meant to call you back. Let's do something soon though."

So as happy as that maybe should make me, it kind of just confuses me. But there is one things that I've learned... when dealing with early 20-something girls, confusion is the name of the game.

I guess I am going to try to hang out with her again, and just be super straight with her when we are in person. This will probably be a problem, because young girls seem to like to leave everything way fluffy and open. Straight talk seems to scare them; forces them to commit to a stance of some kind on at least some level.

My honest judgment though is that I will be shocked to my core if we ever actually hang out. She'll probably ignore me again for another week, and by then I will have a huge "screw you" tattooed on my face for her.

Oh well, we'll see.

[IndiReloaded]

Possibly, just busy then. So back to my earlier post where I said this.

The sooner you get out of text mode the better, like everyone has already said.

If you must text back, it should only be something like: Well, I'd love to get together with you, but with our busy schedules its probably best to coordinate by phone. When should I call you?

Simple, to the point. If you don't hear back from THAT, or she blows you off, then just give up b/c that would push her behaviour into the 'rude zone', IMO.

[pisces7378]

After she texted me that she is so sorry, and that she has been meaning to call me, and that we should hang out soon! I took your advice Inidi, and texted her, something like, "Cool. When are you off work so I can call you?"

Again she hasn't responded.

I think I am just going to abort mission.

It really sucks too, because in person we had a great time. She just seems to be way too busy, and/or just not into me enough to put me on any sort of priority. Granted, I don't expect five calls a day, and sweet notes under my windshield wiper. But if you can't respond to my calls/texts, then I am obviously not too much on your mind.

Oh well, thanks for all your help guys and gals!

P.S. So, Inid... are you a dude or a girl?

[Charlie Boy II]

girls are never too busy. That's bullshit.

Stop contacting her. That's your best bet. And if she contacts you again play it really low-key. Don't immediately text back something like, When can I see you?. Instead, just write something back like, "yeah been good." and then maybe something funny or light hearted, if you can think of something.

Your message back made me cringe. It's just so keen.

The game sucks, but it's the way it's got to be played.

[misombra]

i don't think girls are weak or assholes because they do that. they don't want to see you get your feelings hurt. and/or they want you to believe their assholes, anything to get you to leave them alone.

i think it has more to do with immaturity than anything else.

[pisces7378]

i don't think girls are weak or assholes because they do that. they don't want to see you get your feelings hurt. and/or they want you to believe their assholes, anything to get you to leave them alone.

i think it has more to do with immaturity than anything else.

If she wants me to think that she is an asshole, or she wants me to just somehow leave her alone, then why would she text me this...

"I'm so sorry! I've been meaning to call you, I've just been super busy. We should get together sometime soon though!"

You'd have to be one sick F@#& to write that, but still really just be hoping that I leave you alone. To be honest, at this point, I just want my DVD and Sweatshirt back. It is my favorite DVD and my favorite sweatshirt.

I don't know how to go about doing that in a very mature way. I could just send her some eat-shit text message saying something like, "Could you please just leave my DVD and sweatshirt on my porch sometime soon?" But for some reason, that just feels like some hurt little boy trying to prove some point. And that sucks!

I'm not interested in trying to make this girl feel bad, or shame her into some apology. I don't even feel I am owed an apology. And I want to still be able to go drink at the bar where she works without it being all weird or some kind of "thing" where everyone knows that I tried to date her and she snubbed me.

I don't know. I think that sometimes the ladies on this forum category get a little defensive of "women" in general. I don't think that anyone on here is some kind of woman hater, or some Chauvinist. And I am never asking you what you think I SHOULD DO. I am simply asking all the ladies (guys, thanks, but no thanks) to imagine being a 21 year old waitress where you basically have a customer start coming in, and you hit it off with conversation. Then he gets your phone number really casually, but doesn't call you for a month or so. Then you end up hanging out at his house because he lives 4 doors down from you and you were bored one Saturday night. Then you really have a nice time with him and basically stay up all night. Then you go on an afternoon date (that isn't really defined as a "date" as much as just hanging out), and then you guys stay up late again just talking, but then making out a little.

Then he starts texting you to see if you'd like to hang out. For whatever reason you just aren't that into him, so you start to ignore his texts. He doesn't really bombard you with a million texts, but every four or five days you get some little text where he is obviously trying to hang out with you. You do "like" him, so you'd like to hang out with him, but you just don't want to let him think that he can just start kissing you and trying to make moves on you. You just want to keep it platonic. So you keep ignoring his increasingly rare texts.

Now, my question is... how could he ask for his sweatshirt and DVD back, without it feeling like he is being a wounded puppy, or some disappointed school boy? So that you could maybe still hang out later as friends?

[misombra]

give it up. get another dvd and another sweater and find another place to hang out! count your losses and cut out.