She isn't very responsive with text messages. Should I just walk away?

[pisces7378]

give it up. get another dvd and another sweater and find another place to hang out! count your losses and cut out.

Whatever! I am not letting some 21 year old girl have my favorite DVD and sweatshirt, AND run me off from my favorite bar.

Does anyone have any practical advice on my above stated issue?

Not that your advice isn't practical misombra. You have an excellent point, and I don't want to give you the impression that I am snubbing your remark. In fact, your advice is probably the same advice I would give someone. But in THIS particular case, I really love that sweatshirt. It has sentimental value. The DVD just has dollar value. And no matter what, I don't want to just "cut my losses" with my favorite bar.

Also, I am trying to learn to establish better patterns with things like this. Sure I could just text her to give me back my damn stuff. But I am looking to become a little more graceful and diplomatic. I am not MAD at this girl. In fact, I enjoy her company enough to still want to maintain some level of friendship.

BUT I WANT MY STUFF BACK.

[IndiReloaded]

At this point, you need to make her feel bad in order to motivate her to return your stuff. People forget about stuff like this. When I 'lend' books, I always assume there is a chance I won't get it back. So I only lend things I either don't care about or to people I really trust, if its a valuable book.

What do you know about her besides her text number? Do you have a mutual friend or something?

Since you recently sent her a message to which she has yet to respond, you should probably wait a few days. If she answers, stay cool like CB suggests. I agree with him BTW, what I said to say and what you texted her don't have the same tone. Don't even ask about a call or get together anymore unless she brings it up. Tell her directly you'd like your DVD and sweater back. Make up some excuse that someone has asked for it and you'd like to lend it to them.

[pisces7378]

You say, I should make her feel bad in order to get my stuff back. I agree. I don't want to like, seek some kind of retribution, or make her feel bad for not liking me. I totally get it. Some people flip your switch, and some people just don't. And I heard from someone that knows both parties really well, that she is digging on some other guy that works at the liquor store beside the bar she works at. So, there ya go. Sucks that it took me finding out from a mutual friend, and it TOTALLY sucks that I am losing out to a guy that's 31 years old, recently divorced, is a recovering alcoholic, and works nights at a freaking liquor store.

But I know the guy, and he is a nice enough guy. I don't blame the girl for having feelings for the guy. I just think that it's a statement of how old she is. At 21, girls don't care if you work at McDonald's, just as long as you treat them just shitty enough to seem confident but not shitty enough to seem arrogant. And if you have a boat load of drama (recent divorce, alcohol problem, working nights at a liquor store), then you are all the more exciting.

I wear nice clothes, am a well-paid journalist for CNN, and am obviously looking for a real relationship. So, I guess I totally understand why a 21 year old waitress wouldn't even be able to wrap her head around my lifestyle. Her eyes spun like a slot machine when I said that I have to go to London for a week later this month.

It sucks, because every other aspect of her personality was really great. But anyone that doesn't see the forest for the trees enough to find me a better partner than a liquor store dude... uhmmm whatever.

But I'd like to get my sweatshirt back, and my DVD. But no matter what, I still do care about her feelings, and don't want to pull some, "Just leave the damn sweatshirt on my porch and leave".

I want to CALL HER... not text... not ask a mutual friend... not Facebook... I want to call her. But I know that she will not answer the phone, so I am in another voice mail scenario. I want it to be light-hearted, and absolutely free of guilt, anger, disappointment, accusations, or pressure. I just want my damn sweat shirt back, and to not have to feel like I put out some negative energy.

A scripted voice mail would be awesome from one of you guys.

Thanks, you guys have been absolutely fabulous so far!

[Heratriumphant]

She lives near by you doesn't she? If you're done and really just want your stuff back show upnat her door and ask for it!

Hard to flake if you're standing right there.

P.S. Never lend a new girl your favorite hoodie! A date is awesome, but a good hoodie is worth it's weight in gold!

[pisces7378]

Heratriumphant... I am not "done" with her, in that all I want is my hoodie back. Sure I want my f'ing hoodie back, but I could get another one easily. And the DVD was not some rare European import. I could pick up another copy in my way home from work at Target.

I guess what I really want is... wow... you know, it is really hard to sit here and come up with a plausible excuse. I guess what I really want is kind of petty. I want her to know that ignoring me hurt my feelings, and that if she had just handled this situation better, it would have been easier on me.

But her knowing that won't change anything. She would most likely only think, "Wow, what a weird o".

[Heratriumphant]

I know what you mean. I'm right this moment putting off calling my ex to get some of my things back (one of which actually IS a rare European import movie! LOL) I think I'm waiting till I'm sure it's actually just my stuff I want back.

[pisces7378]

Get this shit!!!

The girl just texted me and said...

"Hi... Sorry I never got back to you with when I work. I've been deathly ill the past few days. Anyway, I think I work most evenings the rest of the week."

So what the F#@$??? I don't know what to do. I'd really really like to speak with this girl again. After this much flakiness with texts etc. I don't see any kind of relationship (even casual dating) coming to pass, but I would like to see her again so that I can feel her out.

If she is 100% just not into me at all, then why would she even bother texting me now, five days after she ignored everything I sent her? I mean, I heard from a girl that she thinks she is into this liquor store guy. But the girl that is telling me this is madly in love with the liquor store guy and might just be hyper-sensitive to seeing them together and thinks something is there when it is not.

Anyway... I feel like some high school teenager. My goal is to simply see this girl one more time so that I can A.) Ask for my hoodie in person. B.) Feel her out, as to if she is a flake in general or just like somehow retarded with communication. C.) Make sure that I am not offensive to her, because she is my neighbor, and I'd like to at least keep her as some kind of friend. She is a very cool person. I like her a lot.

[misombra]

wait a second... it's been five days. and this thread has been up at least four days, so you assumed she was ignoring you after a day?

[IndiReloaded]

Get this shit!!!

The girl just texted me and said...

"Hi... Sorry I never got back to you with when I work. I've been deathly ill the past few days. Anyway, I think I work most evenings the rest of the week."

So what the F#@$??? I don't know what to do.

Hey, sorry to hear you've been unwell.

Listen... someone has asked me for that DVD I loaned you. Can I swing by with some chicken soup for you and pick it up? I need it this week. You can reach me at (your number).

Feel better, okay?

Best,
Pisces

[pisces7378]

wait a second... it's been five days. and this thread has been up at least four days, so you assumed she was ignoring you after a day?

No. Five days ago, I texted her a jokey text that she was obviously just using me to make out that night. Then she texted me that she was sorry, and that she has been super busy lately, and that we should hang out soon.

So I responded with "When do you work this week". That was 5 days ago. She hadn't responded for 5 days.

Look, I think a little bit too much is being made of this whole situation, and I blame myself. I get on this forum and start typing, and things start to sound more desperate or agro, or whatever than they really are.

The reality is, I think this girl is a cool person, who I enjoy spending time with. And when we are together in the same room, things are effortless. It's like hanging out with an old friend; one I'd like to **** of course.

But ever since we've kissed, things have gotten weird with text messages. She waits 5-7 days to answer any text I send her about hanging out. That's all there is to it. I believe her that she was sick. I believe her that she was busy. And since I am not her boyfriend or even a real solid friend from way back, she doesn't "owe" me anything.

Her ignoring my texts and phone calls just makes it difficult for me to proceed with anything, because I never know if it is prudent to mention the fact that she is basically psydo-blowing me off. But then pops up out of nowhere and texts me about how sorry she is that she hasn't responded.

It's just weird. I'm certainly not mad, or anything. I just am confused. If I like someone, I contact them. But then again, I am a 31 year old man, and not a 21 year old girl.

I am way out of my territory on this one. I am teetering between just ignoring her altogether, and possibly just sending her some light hearted, "Call me when you are cleared for H1N1." text.

[misombra]

i think you should go for what indi said.

[pisces7378]

I get what you are saying. This announces that I want my DVD back. But the only problem is, she will know that no one really wants to borrow that DVD. It is "Stand By Me", the old 80's Stephen King movie with River Phoenix about the boys going to look for a dead body. There is no way in hell that someone just spontaneously asked me to borrow THAT movie, after I loaned it to her.

I hate games. If I want my DVD back, I will just say, can I have my DVD back. But my goal here is not just to get my DVD back. My goal is to hang out with this girl again, so I can get comfortable, and let her get comfortable, and then ask her (politely) what the **** has been going on.