not really sure what to do...

[cryptostorm]

im 22 if that is relevant to the story.. i just read the sticky... so i thought i'd add im a guy.. shes a girl... even though it should kinda be clear... i do apologize for the 'non descriptive thread title' but i cant change it now..

so i met my current girlfriend about 3 years ago.. we started dating almost immediately, and it went well for about a year. then after about a year she started having problems with anxiety, and i ended up telling her we needed an extended break or i was going to end up shooting myself... it was almost a 2 week 'break up' process which involved her coming over and crying that we cant 'just be friends' and 'thats not what she wants'..

5-6 months go by and we start talking again.. she has went to therapy and got a lot of the problems that we used to argue about taken care of, and we almost magically end up getting back together..

now.. here i am about a year later.. we have so much in common, we like the same things, share the same goals, and are at the same points in our lives... we've even got vacation plans together this winter!! i keep coming back to the fact that i'm simply not thrilled with the way things are going... nothing is 'wrong' per say, but nothing seems 'magic' if you understand what im saying.. i think we spend WAY to much time together, and i get quite annoyed when shes calling me all the time (not to complain, but just to 'chit chat')... her lack of friends, confidence, initiative, differing political views, and the fact that she thinks I should do everything her way has really been wearing me down these past 2-3 months...

i do love her very much, and worse: im pretty sure shes thinks she will never find a better man (EVER)... not to sound big headed; cause i dont think im that great...

im basically at a point where im not sure if its worth keeping on... am i unhappy enough to break both our hearts (hers more then mine)? is there another way to think about this?

i was talking to a buddy of mine the other day, and his thought on the subject was.. "can you see yourself settling down and having kids with her?".. to that question gut thought was 'yea', but upon thinking about it more im not so sure... which only added to my confusion...

[Raze]

First: You're not in love because you obviously care more about the idea of being with her instead of loving her for being her.

She calls you everyday? Who cares? Why is that such a big deal? You would probably be whining if she never called you. Get the idea of love out of your head because you don't love her if you can't put up with the trivial stuff.

Second: Be happy that she loves you as much as she does. I can honestly say that I feel sorry for her for being with you (go back to my first point).

You can't have everything and stop making a big deal about nothing.. Sheesh!

Raze

[cryptostorm]

its not that she calls that bothers me, not even that she calls me daily (which i would expect).. its that she calls me 6 or more times a day and thinks that i have content to fill a hour long conversation even though i talked to her just 3 hours ago.. im sorry.. ive been sitting in my office not doing to much.. nothing new has came up that i need to inform you of.. then she gets upset at me, because i have nothing to talk about.. you called me: why should i have to dream up things to talk about?

any relationship has it harmony.. you've got to take to good with the bad.. but the good MUST outweigh the bad or you will be miserable.. thats the point im at right now..

dont try and tell me that im a bad person because i find several of her habits annoying.. if thats all you have to offer, maybe you should keep it to yourself!

[MDavis454]

Ya, i mean on the surface obviously the negatives are going to be brought up.. he wouldn't be seeking advice if everything was perfect. Help is being sought in the imperfections. Saying that, I'm not sure anyone can be a better judge of whether or not you guys should stay together than you. You are lucky enough to have found someone who seems truly dedicated to you and it's easy to see where the difficulty lies in the situation. The best thing you could do is talk to her about te things that bother you. Kind of weak advice i realize.. but like i said, you made it evident that she loves you but no one can ever know how much you love her but you. If you think she's worth holding onto, talk to her about things and if things change and don't feel forced/fake then there's hope. If you feel that even if she does improve you still wont truly love her, let her go before you both end up having invested so much time and effort in a hollow relationship. I can't speak from experience, only through the facts i'm given. Maybe someone else would have something better.. idk, but i wish you luck with the situation.

[RonHH]

Here's what I would do.
You need to set down with her and tell her how you feel and why you feel that way.
Don't make her guess,, If she knows what you are going through and she understands then maybe you will understand her much more.
Communicate, without it you will have nothing but confusion.

[funluvinsarah]

Hey I was in this situation...only I was the one doing all the ringing and things. I never saw how annoying it got, I never saw it as a problem till things were too late. I used to always ring my ex throughout the day for no reason, and then if he didn't talk that much because he actually had nothing to say then I would kick off and go in a mood. It's stupid now I look at it but I just thought that I had to show him I cared for him loads this way. I thought that if I kept doing this then it would show him how much I cared for him. But it didn't it pushed him away. With the person I'm with now when I started getting a little bit like that he talked to me, he told me that I didn't need to talk to him all day long and that he knew I cared and that he cared for me but we would talk when there was things to talk about. I do things like this because I suffer anxiety and depression so I understand for your gf how hard it is to stop doing things like this.

All you can do is sit down with her and explain how much you love her and how great she is but ask her if she can only maybe call you once a day, or twice at most. But don't rush her it may take time for her to be able to stop what she's doing. It did me, and even today I still text my boyfriend quite a bit when I am not with him...just not as much.

Good luck X x X x