How do i keep my rational Head screwed on?

[Sunwontshine]

Hello,

Basically i believe the times actually come and me and my girlfriend have finally ended, or i finally put my foot down and cant deal with her mood swings?

I just need to know how i can keep my head above water with rational thinking.

She suffers from bi-polar, i have never held it against her or anything, nobody asks to suffer it. The problem has always been she KNOWs it drives people away from her, yet she does nothing about it. No medication, no nothing, i mean ive completely respected those choices but theres only so much i can stick around handling. Im just so tired of one minute shes great, the relationship is getting better and stronger (we've had a ruff patch lately) and then like flicking a switch, its "not working" then the next day shes sorry and loves me again.

She texts me last night out of complete nowhere saying "if you're going out tonight to F$#@ w@#$*s then get out of my life". This broke it for me, i cant deal with her mood swings anymore, she plays on them, im not sure if it ever has been bi-polar or shes just very cunning, nothing makes sense if shes loosing control she'll do and say anything, she wants me to stay and put up with that shit, wants me to love her, yet she told me last night she doesnt love me the same way anymore?

I have no idea where i stand, i want to answer her calls and tell her i love her and everything will be ok, instead i just turn it off, coz i know im just going to have my heart strings pulled on and ill go back to that routine, it'll be good for a week or 2, then straight back to her moods.

any advice on how i should stick to my guns? i do love her deeply, but im just so mentally tired i cant handle this anymore, i want her to be normal, but i cant tolerate the anxiety of never knowing if im getting kisses or punches.

please help

[Sunwontshine]

She keeps calling me crying, even when i tell her i cant talk coz im too messed up. She keeps saying she'll change, give her a chance... what do i do???????? help me.

[Heratriumphant]

Turn off your phone for a couple of hours.

Take a deep breath.

Ask yourself what it is you're getting from all this chaos and drama.

[Bumble_bee]

this is not healthy for either of you, and perhaps driving you away will make her realise what a kind of pressure she has been putting on you...Bi-polar is seriously hard to control by yourself...

It's hard to walk away when you still care, but she doesn't seem to care enough for herself at the moment, give yourself some space, let her get the wake up call she needs to go and seek help, then maybe consider fiixng things between you....she needs to get that under wraps before she will ever be able to conduct a 'normal' relationsip with anyone.

best wishes

[Chazza2k]

Hi Sunwontshine,

Sorry your going through this, a few of my experiences that may relate to your situation.

Bi-polar disorder is incredibly hard to deal with I know from personal experience what your going through. The mood swings, the complete rage for no reason, to the crazy risk taking and complusion to do things without regard for anyone even herself. My Ex would also Self-Harm to make me feel guilty, she wasn't doing it to hurt herself she was doing it to get at me. I loved my Ex but the BP was incredibly difficult, I read books on the subject I convinced her to see a pyscologist. She seen a few and was diagnosed and prescribed medication but she then saw someone else who told her she wasn't BP, she's now taken that she isn't BP as her reality that there is nothing wrong with her.

The Ex met someone else, told me she never loved me from the begining and that I was a mistake... I really didn't recognise the girl towards the end of this, the love had gone for her and what was left was a cold hearted, bitter and emensely cruel girl. Like you I cannot say for sure if she even is Bi-polar it all appears to have been a big excuse for things she did. I even caught her out in a lie when she told me how the knew guy makes her feel, she sent me the exact same Txt when we were with each other. She got very annoyed at that one...

The relationship you have will always be the same until she adresses this issue, she loves you one moment then hates you the next. I tried my best but in the end she dumped me for her "new reality".

She says she'll change? I once read a letter to my Ex GF from a previous boyfriend (she showed me it, she keeps everything like that). It was dated 12 years ago. The old boyfriend referenced the self-harming, the emotional troubles she has to offering kind words of encouragment that she is strong enough to get through this and that he loves her and will support her. I sent her an email just the same probably weeks before...

Girls like this are not "normal" she needs professional help and support. I know you love her and want to be there for her but unless she actually commits to seeing someone nothing will change. I think the more your around her the more your emotions too take a battering, your up when she is and then deeply down when she is down. Its also impossible to predict if and when she will be "High" or "Low" and it can make you very nervous and tired. If you truely want out of this relationship then its going to be difficult, she will use any tactic she can to keep you with her, be as strong as you can and you will need to stand firm.

Goodluck.

Hope this help.

[Sunwontshine]

she does the same thing, she'll message me going "i just took 7 panadols, will that hurt me?" like wtf??? shes 3 years older then me and shes carrying on like that? its just so hard coz once the initial emotions subside a bit, shes offering the reality and change ive wanted HER to make for HER, yes it would help us, but i want her to do it for herself more then anyone else. Im just trying not to fall for it coz i just have no trust that things just wont goto pieces again, i keep saying to myself "leopards never changes their spots, they may get smaller, but they never change", im just confused as to if thats the right path to stick to, coz now i am getting made to feel like IM the one throwing it all away coz i dont trust her to actually do anything about it, in my experience alot of the time she just wants to wallow in her misery.

[IndiReloaded]

Send her this:

[url]http://despair.com/madness.html[/url]

[Chazza2k]

I'd get Txts messages saying she hurt her arm, she basically would dig in a razor to it then tell me all about it. I like you do not understand why someone would do that to themselves but I'd respond with sympathy and would try to comfort her, build her up and be there for her but it was never enough for her, I do think part of me resented being treated like that though but I loved her part of me still does now.

I thought we had made progress when she was seeing a psychiatrist and she got prescribed medication to deal with it. It didn't last, she wouldn't take the pills. She sort out another doctor who basically agreed there was nothing wrong with her, she is very intellient and can emotionally manipulate people so easily. She has now met another guy she claims is simular to herself, so now she gets to hit the reset button and start the game all over with someone else. She is loving all the attension and focus and after we talked last time she believes he's so good for her... I'm bad, New guy is all good...

Our experiences seem simular, be very careful about her blaming you for everything, my Ex basically did that too - She made out that I was responsible for every ill in her life. I been pondering over this alot and for me it seems she needs to be constantly being attended too, I know that everything I tried didn't work and that really is painful. I put up with my Ex' moods for over a year when you try to do things and they constantly keep failing you start to feel exhusted by it.

Girls like this are hugely controlling I can see you are wanting to break it off with her, part of you is going to be very worried by what she will do to herself if you do that. I been through it. She will guilt you into anything she can get away with so be very careful, she will hurt herself to hurt you because she knows you love her. She needs constant reminders that you love her and are there for her, the slightest thing in my case would set it off, everything also has to be about her and what she wants or needs, keep what you want yourself in your mind. Remember that whatever she does to herself is not your responsibility even though I know that rationally I understand that it feels so different at the time. Wallowing in misery is part and parcel of the Bi-Polar disorder, the duration and frequency of just how much tend to vary case to case I'm sure you have tried to get her to stop but I know most the time its a losing battle. My Ex GF used to drink to huge excess and then spend days recovering and being down, she has also damaged her kidneys too but she would never listen...

People can change but they have to decide to commit to it and put the effort in, without that its hopeless. I dont think your GF is ready to even try so you have to ask if your willing to put up with this for the forseeable future, or how you see a future playing out between you both.

[Sunwontshine]

Youre right,

She has started tearing me apart, i cant f*$king handle this, "you said you'd help me through this, you said you understood" and saying things like "i want to help myself... so i dont push away my next relationship. Told me shes made a booking with the doctor but i just cant bring myself to believe anything will change, i feel like such a selfish f*%king monster

[Chazza2k]

Seems like this is playing out in such a familar way, she is using your love for her as a weapon to emotionally blackmail you to stay. She claims she needs your help to change but is making you feel hugely guilty and self-ish for actually questioning her lack of effort in the past. It seems too that she really has no regard at all for just how any of this makes you feel... perhaps thats not really much of a consideration to her?

We don't control who we fall in love with but you must realise that some people will have issues and problems that will last a life time... I tried my best with my Ex, the End result she choose to start-over and repeat the same pattern with someone new, in the aftermath of her I feel I have been Used and Abused then eventually dumped... I still care and I'm hopeful perhaps the new guy the Ex is with will have more luck but I think I know deep down the cycle will just repeat for her over and over...

Sunwontshine its your life, you have the ability and strength to make the decisions you need to make, decide what you truely want and stick with it... Do Not let her use any of her tricks to force you into staying. Its not your job to "save her" only she can do that for herself. I stayed until the end and got hurt badly, If i was you, I'd get out whilst I can before she inflicts more emotional abuse on you.

[Chazza2k]

I hope you decided what to do and stuck to it Sunwontshine.

Just to add about change, found out last night that my Ex and the new guy split up the otherday. I guess I was unfortunatley correct about the cycle repeating over and over, I guess now she hits the reset button and starts over again.

I hope you have got yourself out of your repeating cycle and are making progress.

Goodluck.

[sucka4love]

sunwontshine, i'm in a eerily similar situation. though, my gf jokingly says she is bi-polar and sometimes acts like it (hot/cold). maybe personality disorder...her very short temper doesn't help either

anyway, i strongly agree with Chazza2k here. this girl sounds like she'll just keep repeating and you will be stuck in this vicious cycle where things are ok for a bit and then *BOOM*, here comes the shit storm. rinse and repeat.

this is not healthy for you!!! you're feeling torn apart and guilty, you are always on edge, mentally and most likely emotionally drained/tired, and you might develop other problems such as low self esteem and depression.

she said she'd try and make attempts to fix the problem. good for her. the reality is that the problem won't go away over night and takes a great deal of time.

ask yourself: do you love her that much that you will stick by her while trying to fix the problem? let me tell you this is not an easy thing to do.

ask her: does she love you enough that she will faithly go to therapy, take medication, etc and not quit?


if anything, i'd cut losses and leave. i know it's much easier said than done cause i'm facing the same thing. good luck.