why cant i cry :(

[qwertz]

A family member got struck down with an illness today- hes in surgery as i type this. They are extremely dear to me and it is unlikely they will survive I want to cry and feel i need to but i just cant- it was the same when my dad died.

why cant i cry? i feel hard and inhuman. i want to show emotion i just cant- but i can when it comes to other things.. ie love and relationships etc.

[Initials]

I've said it before. Not showing emotion is not the same as not feeling emotion. You aren't hard or inhuman because you don't show the emotion. It's probably just your body and brain's normal reaction to sadness of this type.

I didn't cry when some of those dear to me died either. Just like you, I still felt the emotion, but I didn't show it. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Make sure you aren't bottling it up though. If you feel you need to cry, talk to another family member about it. The discussion will bring your emotions up to the surface, at least in my experience.

You have my condolences.

[Bumble_bee]

I agree with init on this...and sometimes the things we see and hear as a child tend to make us either more sensitive in reaction to death or desensitised, my dad passed away when I was quite young.....then my grandmother...every couple of years I'd lose someone in my close family....it made me dread those feelings to the point where if I did here such sad news, it took me a while to react, like days sometimes.....

everyone deals with grief differently, doesn't mean you're cold.

sending my condolences too.

[qwertz]

i dont cry when i talk about it- i WANT to and feel i NEED to but just cant.
My dad died when i was 17 and everyone around me cried and grieved and i had to hold it together- not one person asked how I was. think it may stem from there. :S

[Cbrider]

My dad died when i was 17 and everyone around me cried and grieved and i had to hold it together- not one person asked how I was.

Wow, that's a little messed up.

[cewzp4]

I experienced something similar when my dad died (I was 16). My mom was such a mess that I kind of had to put my grieving off to the side to take care of her. I think that when I don't cry in situations like you are in it is because I feel that if I cry, then its real. If I don't then I still have the hope that things will turn around. I'm sorry to hear about your family member.

[gartlas]

mmm snap ,,my dad tried to strangle my mum out the blue in front of my brother and I when I was 16 and got hauled off by the police who I called. Seeing as I was the only one who stayed together over the next months , making sure everyone ate and had clean cloths I got emotionally desensitised..I think its pretty common to cut yourself off emotionall when its important to those you love

[CocoChanel]

I wonder what makes people feel like they have to put their grieving aside just because someone else is grieving? You have every right to grieve just like everyone else. You don't have to cut yourself emotionally to be the help and motivation a family may need to get moving again.

[chump4u]

I think that the need to cry comes most often when grief is sudden and unexpected, and tears are a way of letting out some of the immediate pain. When someone who has been ill and declining dies, we've already had days or weeks or months in which to grieve. Tears don't come as readily because we've already let off some of the emotional pressure.

[qwertz]

my dad died so suddenly that i was doing cpr on him to try and save him- i still didnt cry :S

I had to hold it together as my mum was such a mess. That night has never been talked about by us since.

i feel so hard and horrible- people are wondering why im not showing emotion...i want to

[qwertz]

well he died and ive just cried for the last 5 hrs straight. guess i needed to! lol

[Primo]

I'm sorry qwerty :-(

[vashti]

who was it that died, qwerty?

[qwertz]

my brother

[vashti]

oh my god! I am so sorry. how devastating for you!