Could use some honest advice

[halcyon312]

So, I am a 20 year old male, and I have been in a relationship with the same girl since March of 2003. Wow, this could be a long post if I typed everything....I'll try to be short. This girl was in a year long relationship before me, and about maybe a month after they broke up, she got drunk and had sex with another guy - needless to say even though she and her ex were broken up, he was not happy, as they were still talking and trying to work it out at the time. Fast forward to March, and her and I begin dating. Everything is fine at first, but the first warning sign for me was being at her house, and reading an email she had accidentally left up on her computer - a conversation with the previously said "other guy"....talking about their little sexcapade and how they both thought it was pretty great, and he admitting he always had a crush on her, etc.

I confronted her about this, and was lied to at first, then I put the email in front of her face, and she spilled the beans. We broke up over this for a while, not because of the convo - I could care less - but that I HATE being lied to. Relationships should be built on trust.

But heres the real meat and potatoes...maybe around mid-late June she started hanging out with this questionable group of friends, I swear I am not saying this as a possessive boyfriend, they really are bad people. One of them is basically a slut, the other one is a spoiled brat, and the third is already pregnant (shes one of those adolescents you see on Maury Povich, wanting a kid, but WAY too immature).

The red light immediately goes off in my head, I say nothing to her, only that I would appreciate spending equal amount of time with her as she does with her friends (I hang out with my guy friends quite a bit too). This eventually turns into her "wanting to take a break", and telling me the spark is gone, and she wants to seperate. She plays games with me for a few weeks, and on the fourth of july, she was just saying awful #### to me, and while I was drunk, I slapped her. As bad as I feel about it, I have never hit a girl, and felt awful about it - so as much as I feel bad, I don't hold it against myself....I don't consider myself a violent person and it was an isolated incident. Anyway, this provoked her to completely ignore me for three weeks, even though I tried to apologize numerous times. I later find out she has been spending a lot of time with this other guy named Adam.

Fast forward again, I get an email out of nowhere from her, saying she wants to get back with me. I say ok, we can't get back together, but we can certainly talk about it. She flirts with me like mad, something is weird.

I later talk to one of the three girls I hate, who tells me that she slept with this guy numerous times, and basically broke up with me for him. Then he broke up with her, and she apparently came crying back to me. I confront her about this entire thing, and receive a completely different story. According to her, she was just not happy in her life, and after listening to the advice of her mom (you need to take a break, and find out why you arent happy), and her friends - she broke up with me. She also said during that entire time she missed me like crazy, and she never dated this Adam guy. However! She does admit that while extremely drunk one night, he took advantage of her, and once she really realized what was going on, she told him to stop - he got mad, and thats why they didnt talk anymore. Granted this other girl is a compulsive liar, but I am inclined to believe her more than my ex-g/f just because her story was so detailed, and she really has no reason to lie about it. My ex-g/f has all the reasons in the world to lie - now all he friends hate her, and if I dropped her too, what else would she have?

So I am really left at an impasse here. Who do I believe? What do I do? Any help would be appreciated either in this thread or on AOL, my screen name is "halcyon312".

Thanks.
So, I am a 20 year old male, and I have been in a relationship with the same girl since March of 2003. Wow, this could be a long post if I typed everything....I'll try to be short. This girl was in a year long relationship before me, and about maybe a month after they broke up, she got drunk and had sex with another guy - needless to say even though she and her ex were broken up, he was not happy, as they were still talking and trying to work it out at the time. Fast forward to March, and her and I begin dating. Everything is fine at first, but the first warning sign for me was being at her house, and reading an email she had accidentally left up on her computer - a conversation with the previously said "other guy"....talking about their little sexcapade and how they both thought it was pretty great, and he admitting he always had a crush on her, etc.

I confronted her about this, and was lied to at first, then I put the email in front of her face, and she spilled the beans. We broke up over this for a while, not because of the convo - I could care less - but that I HATE being lied to. Relationships should be built on trust.

But heres the real meat and potatoes...maybe around mid-late June she started hanging out with this questionable group of friends, I swear I am not saying this as a possessive boyfriend, they really are bad people. One of them is basically a slut, the other one is a spoiled brat, and the third is already pregnant (shes one of those adolescents you see on Maury Povich, wanting a kid, but WAY too immature).

The red light immediately goes off in my head, I say nothing to her, only that I would appreciate spending equal amount of time with her as she does with her friends (I hang out with my guy friends quite a bit too). This eventually turns into her "wanting to take a break", and telling me the spark is gone, and she wants to seperate. She plays games with me for a few weeks, and on the fourth of july, she was just saying awful #### to me, and while I was drunk, I slapped her. As bad as I feel about it, I have never hit a girl, and felt awful about it - so as much as I feel bad, I don't hold it against myself....I don't consider myself a violent person and it was an isolated incident. Anyway, this provoked her to completely ignore me for three weeks, even though I tried to apologize numerous times. I later find out she has been spending a lot of time with this other guy named Adam.

Fast forward again, I get an email out of nowhere from her, saying she wants to get back with me. I say ok, we can't get back together, but we can certainly talk about it. She flirts with me like mad, something is weird.

I later talk to one of the three girls I hate, who tells me that she slept with this guy numerous times, and basically broke up with me for him. Then he broke up with her, and she apparently came crying back to me. I confront her about this entire thing, and receive a completely different story. According to her, she was just not happy in her life, and after listening to the advice of her mom (you need to take a break, and find out why you arent happy), and her friends - she broke up with me. She also said during that entire time she missed me like crazy, and she never dated this Adam guy. However! She does admit that while extremely drunk one night, he took advantage of her, and once she really realized what was going on, she told him to stop - he got mad, and thats why they didnt talk anymore. Granted this other girl is a compulsive liar, but I am inclined to believe her more than my ex-g/f just because her story was so detailed, and she really has no reason to lie about it. My ex-g/f has all the reasons in the world to lie - now all he friends hate her, and if I dropped her too, what else would she have?

So I am really left at an impasse here. Who do I believe? What do I do? Any help would be appreciated either in this thread or on AOL, my screen name is "halcyon312".

Thanks.

-Jordan



-Jordan

[blue]

The thing is you know the truth already. You have had all these red lights going off for a reason. Let go & move on. It seems that everytime that you turn your back your ex g/f is doing something. What makes you think that she is going to tell you the truth, she's not.

[squirrley]

I would leave the situation completely. Your x has shown nothing consistent in wanting a serious relationship. She lies, sleeps around, and obvioulsy has no self respect. She sounds very immature and isnt ready for anything "serious".

Why put yourself through this? She hasnt given you any reason to trust her. She could leave at anytime, and if you take her back, she knows you would do it again, youre her walking rug.

So what that her so called friends bailed on her, how has that become YOUR problem? Its not. She's responsible for her own actions. Dont let yourself become her fall back guy, its not healthy. This hasnt been a healthy relationship from the start.

Let her go...its not worth the mental hell shes putting you through!

[Anthony]

I entirely agree with Squirrley's post, it's time to move on.

[Little one]

You need to move on. This girl is a cheeter and once a cheet always a cheet. She does not want a relationship that is real. She is insecure and is looking to be with someone just to be and she has no clue what love and sex are about. Move on and run away from her.

[jslaughter]

Squirrel is always wise and usually dead on - as she is this time - I will follow it up with . . .

Run, run like the wind.

[Love_Cakes]

With so much crap that went on between you guys, you gotta toughen up and drop her. She cheated, lied, and cheated and lied some more. I dont know how you put up with all that crap. If she lied to me about another guy I would have dropped it right there. It seems like she is playing you... And you shouldnt take that. Even if this was a beautiful girl whom you had a great time with, im sure you deserve better than that. You sound like a gentleman. Best of Luck.

[halcyon312]

I guess its just that we have been through a lot together, and she really isn't a bad person at heart. She is very impressionable, and makes knee-jerk reactions...she doesn't lie to intentionally hurt, people, she just says what they want to hear - which has just as bad a result, I know, but she still doesn't do it to hurt me intentionally. I love the girl, but, I'm starting to agree with the posters here.

[nomas]

I think the majority of the people in the world are basically "not a bad person". I think there are very few who actually like to do evil knowingly. I don't doubt this girl is not a bad person, but I see all kinds of unnecessary problems for you if you don't just walk away. I don't mean from her life. You should never deny friendship to anyone who wants it, but as far as romance, I think you can easily find a more stress free relationship. Don't hang on to dear life because you are emotionally attached to this person. Rather try to re-channel the positive feelings you have for her toward the friendship and try to have the romantic feelings taper off.
Freddie

[nendo]

i don't know y ur asking people here. there not specalissed in this stuff so rel they have no clue in what they are saying

[jslaughter]

Nendo:

Ahh, I see we've digressed into bitter rants? Are you really that ticked about your thread that wasn't all about you?

If you think this is such a bad place to be then leave - - -

[orly910]

its obvious that your not gonna trust her if you go back with her. move on, like u said, a relationship must have trust.

[VincenzoG91]

I think the majority of the people in the world are basically "not a bad person". I think there are very few who actually like to do evil knowingly.

Definitely. I think a lot of what seems like "evil" in this life is actually just the consequences of various people acting selfishly. They aren't out to hurt people, they just don't think about how their words and actions will affect other people. Or take responsibility for the pain they cause.

Halcyon, this girl wasn't thinking about you when she cheated on you, she just did what she wanted and to hell with anybody else. Now that she's been dumped, she may appreciate you more, but that probably won't stop her from acting selfishly again. You deserve better than that, but you won't find better until you get away from her.

[Heratriumphant]

This is a dead thread. Check the date, respect the dead and leave them buried.