Confused

[Little one]

I have been seeing someone casually for 4 years. I last saw him on 8/10 and prior to that on 7/17. During the three weeks I did not see him, I tried to call him several times. No return call and no answer on his cell. I saw him at work on Friday of the second week and he told me how busy he was and he was thinking of seeing me on Monday or Tuesday. I said ok. Well Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of the third week he called but I was hurt and ignored him. I know game playing is wrong. I did see him on 8/10 before he left on vacation. We had a nice time and I helped him pack and do laundry. I told him I missed him but only liked him for his pool. He did not like that comment and I told him I was joking and that he knows I love him. I have never said that and was scared. He said nothing back to me.

As we were just sitting, I suggested that the week after he is back from vacation that we should spend a whole night together. He stated "that is a big step" I was taken back and just stated for him to think about it. I do love him and I feel we would be good as a couple. Anyway, I told him it was late and I needed to go, he asked me to stay longer with him. I did, as I was leaving he called me several times by a pet name. I heard it was before, but not so often as last Tuesday.

My question is what is this big step and what is going on with him. If I ask I feel I will get, I am busy, not ready etc... but this is a man I have been intimately involved with for four years. Maybe I am not for him, and that will for sure hurt.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

[Love_Cakes]

First off, great improvment from your first attempt with this article.
Next, it seems as though your little love bunny is afraid to make the big commitment of having sex. He wants to be intimate with you, but maybe he isnt ready for the hardcore stuff. 4 years is a long time but it is possible that you're moving too fast for him. Also maybe you guys have hit a wall, and thats as far as he wants to go with you. The most important thing in this situation is that you got to talk to him about it. These type of issues should really be brought up between yourselves. Tell him what you feel and see how he responds. Best of Luck.

[Cybog]

4 years...?

And you think you might be moving too fast?

This is a classic example of you needing to either "shit or get off the pot".

You two have been "messing around" far too long. Its obvious that if this guy doesnt get the hint by you literally offering yourself to him that he isnt into the idea of a serious relationship, or is likely seeing someone else that you arent aware of.

If you want to save yourself some sanity, and several years of wasted time, sit down with this guy and tell him your feelings on the situation. Tell him you want to be with him, and see what he says.

If he shrugs you off, and tells you that it isnt meant to be, then it isnt. You have spent enough time investing in this, and have little to show for it in return.

Make a move, or regret it later.

[blue]

You must ask him right away where the two of you stand. 4 yrs is a while not to know where you stand.

[Little one]

We do have sex. I just want to not leave afterwards. I would like to stay and see him the next morning. In the past he has told me that he has to get up for work or he has errands to do etc...

[Little one]

Thank for your response. I like your posts. I can tell you this, he is not seeing anyone else. I work with him and talk to his friends (who do not know about us...work issues on that). I feel a lot of it has to do with work and our mutual friends. He wants to keep us a secert. He is a VP at my company, I am a low end worker. His best friend is friends with my Husband, who I am seperating from but not yet divorced. So as you see it is a mess.

[blue]

I see this is a bit of a mess, but working with you and spending the night together has nothing to do with eachother. It has been four years! How come you and your hubby are spliting up? Maybe he dosent want to take a step forward till you resolve your problems with your soon to e ex husband. I dont know but like i said before talk about it before you get hurt!

[Little one]

Work has a lot to do with it. He does not want his reputation tarnished by being with a married lady. He is divorced for 1 1/2 years due to overworking. He worked hard to be where he is and he will not allow anything to change that.

I have been with my husband 8 years and we just grew a part. My fear is I am good to have fun with but not who he wants for long term. I really really hope that is in my head and not reality.

[Little one]

I just called the guy I have been seeing for 4 years and left him a message about getting together tomorrow evening. Should we see each other I will end our relationship. I can't deal with knowing or not knowing if he loves me or cares. I need more and he is not willing to give it to me.

I have cried all day about this and am sick to my stomach. I love him but he just does not care to answer his cell or return my calls. I know he just got back from vaction yesterday and has his son and is dealing with his x-wife who is giving his dog away, but hell...what about me or am I being selfish?

[Cybog]

You are doing the right thing.

No reason you should be getting drug around this long in your life. It's as good a time as any to move on. You arent getting any younger here, and 4 years is plenty long enough for him to have figured out what the deal is.

[Little one]

I was to see my boyfriend last night. He told me to plan a nice evening and I did. I called him 4 times to see what happened. He called me at 9:30 PM to tell me he was at a work function and was late in getting his son. He could not see me. I said ok. I called him back and said how about we plan for Sunday he said maybe as he has his son and is leaving on a trip. He asked if I was ok. I said "I really want to see you tonight." I let him know I planed a nice meal. He stated "you set your self up for disappointment." I said nothing but I would call him on Sunday. I am really hurt about this again.

[jslaughter]

Run, run like the wind.

I think you are selling yourself way short if you think you need to be with someone who expects you to chase after them and sit and wait on them. You planned a nice evening at HIS REQUEST and when he blows you off his response is that you set yourself up for disappointment? PLEASE! that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! If he told you he "might st op by" and you planned a special evening I would agree that you set yourself up for disappointment.

What you need to set yourself up with is someone who cares about you and puts your feelings and needs near the top of his list of priorities not at the bottom.