My boyfriend of 2 years and I are breaking up over him wanting children in the future, and me NOT wanting them. I am crushed. Why is his desire to spawn, higher than his desire to be with me??? He says he wishes he could have both, but he see's I will not change my mind about reproducing, and therefore he wants to break up. I don't get it! What is so great about having children? I see them as a burden to a relationship, not beneficial! I always thought most men want to put off being "tied down" by kids as long as possible? I guess I should be happy since this shows he would never be a good husband because he would never put me before the kid(s) (I personally believe spouses should always be more important than the children since kids are meant to grow up and leave, but if all goes accordingly, a husband and wife will bee together forever). Why is it so hard to find a guy who DOESN'T want kids?!?! SERIOUSLY! WHY?!?!
PS: He knew the ENTIRE 2 years that I did NOT want children. I just got done reading an entire forum about men that regret having children. So don't sit here and preach to me about how having children is so amazing. Obviously, I am not the only one who has no interest in it.
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26-10-09, 10:57 PM #1
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My boyfriend wants kids and I don't
Last edited by beeper; 27-10-09 at 01:39 AM.
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26-10-09, 11:10 PM #2
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are you joking?!!!
Originally Posted by beeper
He should ALWAYS put the kids first. You saying you would want to be put first in front of kids is unbelievable.
you bring children into the world, you give them everything you can in terms of love, support and the correct upbringing.
You dont put your spouse first over your childrens needs.
I think its probably a good thing you dont want kids, i for one wouldnt want a mother like you.
people like you **** me right off
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26-10-09, 11:18 PM #3
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The love a parent has for a child is much more intense than the love they have for their spouse, and less subject to fluctuation.
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26-10-09, 11:42 PM #4
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hi.I am amazed. it may be acceptable for you not to want kids but your seeing children as a burden is weird. I know that having children require responsible yet you should resist.babies are a source of happiness.Dont forget that you were born too. your mother fought all effort to rise you.Now it is your turn to make your family live forever.You said they will leave us. one day your children will have to leave when they are adult.They cant live with you forever.they want to have a child.it is fact of life. I think that you dont like take care of baby and you find difficult to rise them because you think they will always be under your feet and naughty if you teach your children how to behave well you wont face problems
I agree with your boyfriend.Last edited by updownup; 26-10-09 at 11:45 PM.
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27-10-09, 12:29 AM #5
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Yeah Qwerty, that's what my sadness and despair is. A huge joke. People who put their children before their spouse all of the time..LOL..then wonder why their spouse cheats on them. I have talked to so many men who say "She was great before the kids came along. Now my wife never pays attention to me. All she cares about is the kids." So you never put your spouse first, and as a result you end up with kids and a broken home? Gee, sounds great. I bet you are divorced.
I don't want children. I don't want to be pregnant. I want as stress free of a life as possible, and children bring a lot of stress. I wouldn't want a mother like me either! i want a life of success, and traveling, and fun. I don't want to be tied down to changing diapers, projectile poop and vomit, sleepless nights, and carting kids to soccer games. I want more out of life than that crap!
I want a spouse who wants me and ONLY me. What is so bad about that??? There have GOT to be guys out there that don't want kids. Why is it so hard to find them??? I don't WANT to make a family! I just want a husband who WANTS to put me first and make me his #1 priority like I would do for him. I don't WANT to love anything more than I love a man who is my husband. No need to insult me for that, people.Last edited by beeper; 27-10-09 at 12:44 AM.
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27-10-09, 01:02 AM #6
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Beeper, I'm going to hit on a different approach to what a small few men think about having kids.
I'm not saying he is this way !! but there are a few of us out there.
This is how I felt at one time long ago about kids. By the way, I'm not like this now.
Everything can be fine, you love him he loves you but something in the relationship starts
to change. As he tries to figure it out he can't quite hit on it. Insecurity might start setting in.
Not bad at first, it happens slowly you don't see it. In his mind he is trying to figure out how to
lock down the relationship. What better way then to have a child, Now you have to stay with him,
this is the only way to have proof positive you will stay with him. If you don't want kids then you must not
want him either will be his thoughts.
I'm not saying he is this way, but I have done it and I know others have too.
Just giving you something else to think about.
Take care
Ron
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27-10-09, 01:14 AM #7
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Originally Posted by beeper
If I wanted kids and you thought of them that way, I'd leave you too....
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27-10-09, 01:16 AM #8
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Thanks Ron. You are the only one who replied and didn't make me feel bad for wanting what I want.
I don't think my boyfriend is trying to tie me down. He wants kids in the future, not now. I just doubt I will ever change my mind so it' shard. I mean, if I am already 28 and I have no maternal instincts and my 18 month old niece repulses me....that most likely means I will NEVER want kids....right?
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27-10-09, 01:17 AM #9
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I said it was long ago I was 17 and it was my thoughts.
I'm not like that now and haven't thought that way in many years.
but it does happen.
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27-10-09, 01:20 AM #10
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Originally Posted by beeper
He wants to have kids, and most likely with someone long term, he is being quite mature and honest about this, he doesn't want to carry on a long term relationship with you, knowing you do not want the same things too....he would make a great father and husband in my opinion, because he knows what he wants and can he sounds much more gorwn up than you do..
you just need to let guys no pretty much from the start of something long term that you aren't up for having kids, make sure they know exactly how you feel (about kids)....and make sure you never get pregnant either...unless your view of children changes that is.
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27-10-09, 01:21 AM #11
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Having kids does open up a whole different world. You sound like you know what you want. And you put a lot of thought into it. Your heart will tell you when it's time. Originally Posted by beeper
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27-10-09, 01:22 AM #12
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beeper?? Did I offend you?you said you made feel me bad.I just wanted to give some advice to you but you didnt bother to say me thank you
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27-10-09, 01:27 AM #13
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Well beeper the way you worded it at the beginning made it seem like you were making the guy out to be a bad person for wanting kids. how many guys have been left because they didn't want kids? It probably isn't hard to find a guy who doesn't want kids and if you've been with this guy for 2 years then you haven't been looking for two years. Word your thread in a less self-centered way and don't make him out to be the bad guy for doing what he has to do in order to acheive his goal of having kids and you'll catch less heat. People tend to like kids and people tend to like guys who want kids and will do whatever it takes to get them so when you shut them both down in one paragraph.. people may get hostile as we have seen
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27-10-09, 01:36 AM #14
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beeper, If you need someone to just talk to I'm willing to listen anytime.
Just sent me a pm. Take care.
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27-10-09, 01:36 AM #15
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Yes well he has known the entire 2 years we have been dating that I didn't want children. A few months ago I brought it up and he said "I know we will never have kids and I am still here, aren't I? I figured I would sacrifice having kids for you." Now he changed his mind I guess. So no, he is not the mature one here. He knew how I felt all along.
Why do you say he sounds more grown up than me??? I know what I want too! How is that NOT grown up? Wanting someone who will put me first has NOTHING to do with how grown up I am.Last edited by beeper; 27-10-09 at 01:58 AM.
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