only a friend,only a friend...and suddenly I like her

[bittt]

hi,everyone.I have a problem flirting with a shy girl.I know her for over a year and until now I didnt notice her as a girl only as a friend.now after a year I suddenly like her.no idea how happend but just like that.I started flirting with her but no results.what i see is that she is a really shy girl or maybe do not understand that i like her(belive me every girl will notice what i did).is something wrong with my flirting??(I tryed eye contact,huging,touching her hair,same small romantic gifts as a rose of papper...ect)when I do all this things she give me a smile or a deep look in the eyes and after that nothing start behaving as a friend.the big problem is that we are friends now (not best friends,just friends) and her friends(girls) are always there(over a year not a minute alone with her) what I need to do???how do I know what she feel??how do I flirt with a girl like this??is she shy because of her friends??need advice


and sorry about my english i really,really bad..

[CocoChanel]

Maybe you should stop trying for a bit and see what happens. Go back to being just a friend without the flirting and see if she changes up.

[bittt]

no no i tryed she is same all the time...I dont see anything I can do exept ask her directly..

[qwertz]

your in a friend zone already...its always difficult to get out of...

You need to get her on her own for starters..

[bloodtippedrose]

maybe you could make something more of it if you asked her to hang out with you wherever. a fast food place or your house to play games, to get alone time with her. Gather your balls and ask her out in front of her friends. If the friends like you they'll convince her she should do it.

[Freshly]

Tell her you need to speak to her about something privatly and then when you get her alone and shes ask what did you want to speak about, say nothing i just wanted to get you alone

[bittt]

nice tick Freshly I'll definitely try that

[wizduels]

i am posting this for your benefit. its from a classified source but here you go. its a bit abrasive but hopefully it will serve you well. so here is how you get out of the 'friend zone':


Start with this, but realize this alone won't guarantee anything.......

Spend less time with her for a while. Allow her brain to lose some of the associations she has toward you.

When you do spend time with her start slowly treating her different. I don't know how you act around her, but don't laugh at what she says unless it's truely funny. Don't play therapist. If she talks to you about other guys, listen only mockingly. Make fun of her plight and never feel sorry for her on this kind of shit. Don't be a shoulder to cry on.

Do's

After you have spent some time away from her come back and change the frame (the tone for the interactions). You must realize that you can't go at her afraid to lose. If you push the envelope with her you are running the risk of losing her for good. If you can't handle that, then just stay in friend mode. At least she'll be around??? **** THAT!!! Slowly go for it, but be willing to lose this girl. You obviously like her, so go for it. Win her? Great! She says no thanks? Fine, get away from her so she can't effect you emotionally, but at least you can feel better inside knowing you took your best shot. Then move on.

Do talk to other girls while trying to get out of friend mode. Don't set out to make her jealous, you are most likely not calibrated to do that without her knowing what you are trying to do. Just go pursue other girls and get more women in your life. Practice staying out of friend mode with new girls. See if this is an isolated situation or see if this is a reocurring theme.


The reason you need to get away from her for a while is because it's hard to change the frame from friend to sexual. It's going backwards. To try and physically escalate her at this point will feel wierd to you and her. Time away will help remedy this, but may not change it. You seeing her after time has passed allows you to do several things. Next time you see her you can send mixed signals and set a new tone for kino (touch) escalation. The always there for her "buddy" is no more. You need to re-emerge as a sexual guy who wants her, but doesn't need her. You want her in a way that does not include shopping or hearing about her boy problems. If she doesn't want you in the same way, then you have no use for her.

You won't actually say the words from above, you will convey them by your actions. But, if you try to do that tomorrow without time passing, you will just look like you are trying to do something. Being reactive is not attractive.


Soooo.....


Get the **** away from her for a while. Don't avoid her, but make yourself scarce, even if your dying to see her. **** that. Think long term not short term.

Go get a few other women in your life. Spend more and more time thinking about other girls and less putting this girl on a pedestal in your mind.


Becoming a more attractive guy overall and needing her less and less will help you become more attractive to her. Stop trying to be the perfect guy for "her." **** the "how can I get her" mentality. Think I want to become more attractive to women in general.

Hope this helps. I think this will work its self out over time if you stick with learning all of this stuff. Realize there is no quick fix or line for your situation and eventually you are going to have to do what I said above and then come back and pull the ****ing trigger and realize and be ok with the idea that you may lose her for good. But if you say, "I can't risk that." Just realize that you have already lost her to some other guy, she just hasn't found him yet. When she does, he will expect her to remove you more and more as her friend and you won't want to be there to watch her happily with Mr. Right anyway. So, take some time away and then come back and pull the trigger!!!!

You can do it man! Good luck.


-----------------------------


Out Of The Friendzone, Into The "Flirty Zone"

When you say these kinds of things every now and then, it will adjust your friendship into a flirty sort of one. This is how you eventually will get your opportunity to move from flirty to sexual. But once your LJBF'd (Lets Just Be Friends), you cannot achieve the perception of a potential suitor until you cross into the "flirty zone". Once you achieve a flirtacious friendship, then you can advance it to flirting + light kino (non sexual touch). See below for kino tactics. Flirting with her should start from the minute that you see her after your little two or three week "break".

At first, it will be you flirting with her, keep it sarcastic and funny. Eventually, you should start to see her initiate flirtyness more often when you see her. The more often she gets flirty with you, the more closer you are to being able to move to the next step of getting out of LJBF.

Proper Kino Escalation In A LJBF Situation

Initial Kino should be punches in the arm, butt bumps, and lame gay shit like that cuz it is non-threatening. Speaking of your kino task. You should escalate in this order:

1) nudging/arm punching/butt bumps when joking with each other

2) Sitting closer together (if your on a couch, see if she lets you lay your head in her lap as if you were tired and falling asleep, lay your head on her lap with your back to her -- its less threatening)

3) Put your arm around her neck while your walking&talking. Do this only for like 10-15 seconds or so, MAX, then release her. Keep doing this every so often until she responds by wrapping her arms around your waist. Until she wraps around your waist, do not move foward to the next kino step.

4) When your walking with your arms around each other each other (above), let go and grab her hand. Then walk while holding hands for a minute or two and then let go.

Act like this is all happenning naturally. It is important that you release her before she has the option to push you away.

5) If you got away with holding hands, you can get away with kissing her. Don't kiss her the first time you hold hands.

6) To kiss her: Wait until the 2nd time you hold hands (while walking&talking) and when you stop walking, so will she. Turn your shoulders towards her to face her slowly and closely. Lean in and kiss her. Don't lean in too much tho.

These 6 kino steps should be a slow process that may take place over a few different days with her. Seperate each kino step by atleast 1-2 hours. Calibration (sensing the flow and pace of interaction) is very important. If you go to much too fast? You blew it.

You should never discuss "Dating" with her or say anything that implies that you want to date her. If you ask her out, tell her you want to "spend the day with her". And take her out and just chill with her, tease her, kino escalate, release. Your going to be doing A LOT of Bait Hook Reel Release. (flirt, touch, escalate then back off before she has opportunity to object)

100% maintain the idea that you didn't expect this to happen bla bla bla

and thats "Get out of the LJBF Zone 101"... folks