The attraction MUST still be there. How can I get us back? Am I doing it right?

[thechampanon]

So there is this girl. I really like her. I fell for her very fast. And at first she was falling for me quite quick as well.

We dated for three weeks and knew each other for only five.

A little bit about her (so you can understand her character): She is going to be valedictorian, nice family, very kind, excellent friends, plays varsity volleyball, never had a real boyfriend before me and is gorgeous.

So I met her and here we are on week two after meeting each other. It's Friday night and I am taking her home from a haunted trail. I kiss her before she goes inside. Okay, now it is Saturday night, she takes me home from a bonfire for her birthday and before I get out of the car we start to make out. It's not long. Not long at all actually, but I knew right after that I'd ask her out. Told her I really liked this girl, she says she really likes this boy and there ya go. We are dating.

So we dated for three weeks. About the second week of dating it's homecoming. We really bond at the dance and we made out more after. I realize I really like this girl. A lot. And in the back of my mind I am scared because I know if something goes wrong, I'm in for a whole lotta hurt (I was right)

Then she calls me over to her house one day and she has been real busy lately doing homework so we don't get much time to hang out. So I expect this is what we discuss and fix things.. Instead she tells me she views me more as a friend now We talked for awhile and the gist I got from her is she didnt see me as mature enough, but that's not me. Clearly she doesn't know me, because I'm a real deep intellectual person but I admit, I hadn't shown it much around her.

But I always had the belief that the attraction still has to be there. You can't go from making out (and keep in mind she doesn't kiss any guy. she was a goody good girl ya know?), to suddenly viewing them as a friend. Its devastating.

I want her back though. We sit at the same lunch table and things aren't awkward at all. We talk, we laugh, etc. But on the inside I really feel like crap.

I asked to take her to a park on Friday. We are going to walk around and then I plan on getting her to watch the sunset with me.. I'm really hoping the romantic atmosphere can unbury those feelings for me. I'm not trying to make new feelings, but just have the ones I hope are still there for me, surface. I want her to kiss me again, to remember how much we liked each other.

Anyway, am I going the right way about this? In getting her back?

My friends say when prom swings around (April) if we are both single I should ask her to go because they don't believe attraction can just disappear like that. Making out, especially for her, shows a degree of attraction since she is no prude or anything like that.

Thank you, and I appreciate any advice and comments.

[Sanctuary]

Sorry for what I'm about to do - which is throwing a bucket of cold water in your face.

She doesn't like you.

Your point atm is basically that you know her better than she knows herself. She's saying she doesn't like but you feel she must be wrong. I think you're so deeply in love with her that it's affected your ability to think straight. If your friends are encouraging you, they're either naive or being nice.

We talked for awhile and the gist I got from her is she didnt see me as mature enough, but that's not me. Clearly she doesn't know me, because I'm a real deep intellectual person but I admit, I hadn't shown it much around her.

Being intelligent does not make you mature. It just makes you intelligent.

But I always had the belief that the attraction still has to be there. You can't go from making out (and keep in mind she doesn't kiss any guy. she was a goody good girl ya know?), to suddenly viewing them as a friend. Its devastating.

Sure she can. Are you saying goody good girls don't make mistakes about their feelings? It's devastating but it is what it is.

I asked to take her to a park on Friday. We are going to walk around and then I plan on getting her to watch the sunset with me.. I'm really hoping the romantic atmosphere can unbury those feelings for me. I'm not trying to make new feelings, but just have the ones I hope are still there for me, surface. I want her to kiss me again, to remember how much we liked each other.

No means no. What part of that don't you understand? Does she have to file a restraining order so you'd get it? You're the reason girls are hesitant about entering into relationships with guy friends. Cuz after the relationship ends, they don't know how to be friends anymore.

Anyway, am I going the right way about this? In getting her back?

No, using romance to get someone who doesn't like you is a recipe for disaster.

[thechampanon]

Sorry for what I'm about to do - which is throwing a bucket of cold water in your face.

She doesn't like you.

Your point atm is basically that you know her better than she knows herself. She's saying she doesn't like but you feel she must be wrong. I think you're so deeply in love with her that it's affected your ability to think straight. If your friends are encouraging you, they're either naive or being nice.



Being intelligent does not make you mature. It just makes you intelligent.



Sure she can. Are you saying goody good girls don't make mistakes about their feelings? It's devastating but it is what it is.



No means no. What part of that don't you understand? Does she have to file a restraining order so you'd get it? You're the reason girls are hesitant about entering into relationships with guy friends. Cuz after the relationship ends, they don't know how to be friends anymore.


No, using romance to get someone who doesn't like you is a recipe for disaster.

So basically give it up

I suppose every mans fear when not being able to move on is they cannot find another woman to beat out the other.

But I already have the Friday planned so whatever. What's the worst that can result?

[tjwojo]

I was friends with my girlfriend first. We broke up the first time and then shortly after went out again but broke up again. I spent the next year, obviously madly in love with her, she knew it too, being her friend.

I didn't push anything on her, we just developed a natural affinity to eachother. At that point its up to her whether she sees you as this friend, or someone who she can truly like. We did break up on the case of her wanting to go back to being friends. She told me she loved me and that she wanted a relationship to work after a year of me being her friend, being there for her, but not being willing to be stepped on, nor being too assertive.
Its called fate.

[thechampanon]

Okay..

Well Friday we are going to the park. We confirmed it. But after lunch - maybe it was just me feeling nostalgic - me and her went to get some forms for a ski club and before we went our separate ways we sorta just stood there. I sorta felt like maybe she remembered when we'd hug or something before class. Like something was missing. Or it was just me.

But either way.. when we walk around the woods and park tomorrow.. what should I do??

[girl68]

BE FRIENDS.
Nothing else.

Sancutary is right.

[ournishani]

ya she is right

[thechampanon]

Alright. I'll go there with expectations of friends, act as friends, and if anything happens it is on her.

Guess I'll see how it goes. If it's friends then guess that's the verdict. If not.. I'll probably be confused.

[thechampanon]

We talked a lot. Had a good time. It was a friend thing definitely though. She hugged me before I left... but bottom line is I'm just hurting more now..

[Sanctuary]

It sucks I know.

But what you're going through has pretty much happened before to every guy including me. It'll happen to you again, it happened to your cousin Joe, and it's gonna happen to your best friend.

You get rejected but you gotta learn to move on. When you meet the next girl that makes you feel this way again you'll realize that you wouldn't have met that girl if it wasn't for the fact that this girl here rejected you.

Sometimes things don't work out but you never know where life is gonna take you. Just don't dwell on it and keep your head up when life gets you down. You will meet someone better - you just don't know it yet.