Girlfriend's Family is Pushing Me Away

[striker08]

My girlfriend was in a terrible accident this summer and was paralyzed. After this she told me to move on and leave her, to find someone who was normal, I assured her that I loved her and would be there to help her recover. She had surgery a few weeks ago to relieve pressure on her spine, then she was in a coma. I found out about the coma 1 week later from her family. Her family wants to push me out of her life, they tell me to move on, that its for my own good. They also threaten to delete me from her mobile and they told me I will never hear from her again or know her progress. I sent an email to them stating how much I care about my girlfriend a great deal and want to be in her life. At best I may get 1 email a week about her and I am not allowed to visit her in the hospital or anything. I want to know what can I do in this situation? I was told that I could send her things, that they wouldnt throw them away and I have sent cards and letters and photos. To make matters worse, one of her cousins told me that a male friend of my girlfriend, will be staying in her place, but it wasnt romantic, he needed a place to crash, after losing his job. Her family assures me that my girlfriend will not recover soon and I should enjoy my life and my time back (I just returned from deployment in Afghanistan a few weeks ago) and to sort myself out. They said once I sort myself out, then maybe next year I will be able to visit my girlfriend again and be in her life. I really do not believe them and just do not know what to do. Please help!

[QuanSai]

My girlfriend was in a terrible accident this summer and was paralyzed. After this she told me to move on and leave her, to find someone who was normal, I assured her that I loved her and would be there to help her recover. She had surgery a few weeks ago to relieve pressure on her spine, then she was in a coma. I found out about the coma 1 week later from her family. Her family wants to push me out of her life, they tell me to move on, that its for my own good. They also threaten to delete me from her mobile and they told me I will never hear from her again or know her progress. I sent an email to them stating how much I care about my girlfriend a great deal and want to be in her life. At best I may get 1 email a week about her and I am not allowed to visit her in the hospital or anything. I want to know what can I do in this situation? I was told that I could send her things, that they wouldnt throw them away and I have sent cards and letters and photos. To make matters worse, one of her cousins told me that a male friend of my girlfriend, will be staying in her place, but it wasnt romantic, he needed a place to crash, after losing his job. Her family assures me that my girlfriend will not recover soon and I should enjoy my life and my time back (I just returned from deployment in Afghanistan a few weeks ago) and to sort myself out. They said once I sort myself out, then maybe next year I will be able to visit my girlfriend again and be in her life. I really do not believe them and just do not know what to do. Please help!

I don't understand what you mean by "sort yourself out." Are you in a bad position financially? Psychologically due to war? What? I don't see a logical or rational reason for pushing you away from her. I think there are details you aren't expressing here.

[striker08]

The only thing I can think of is my returning from war and the fact that my ex wife is pushing me for custody of my daughter, which I have full custody. My girlfriend's family exact words were "they dont hate me, but they do not want my girlfriend encountering anything unpleasant when she wakes up and recovers. So they want me to tie up any unfinished business I may have." I have expressed to them that I really do not have any except for the things that I mentioned and I really want to see her and be with her, because I love her. In the past they have asked how could I love her and want to be with her, since she had become paralyzed and as I told them, when you love someone you love them through the good times and the bad.

[QuanSai]

The only thing I can think of is my returning from war and the fact that my ex wife is pushing me for custody of my daughter, which I have full custody. My girlfriend's family exact words were "they dont hate me, but they do not want my girlfriend encountering anything unpleasant when she wakes up and recovers. So they want me to tie up any unfinished business I may have." I have expressed to them that I really do not have any except for the things that I mentioned and I really want to see her and be with her, because I love her. In the past they have asked how could I love her and want to be with her, since she had become paralyzed and as I told them, when you love someone you love them through the good times and the bad.

This seems extremely complicated for me to logically examine. I don't want to point you in the wrong direction. However, I think it would be most rational and extremely wise if you stepped back for a bit, settle for the distant messages about your mate's well-being, and wait for some time until the drama dies -- the paralyzing accident drama. The family is probably under stress and don't want your girl to have relationship stress that could possibly hinder her physical recovery progress. That's the most logical solution I can think of.

Perhaps someone else has a more efficient alternative.

[Bumble_bee]

I think QS is probably right on this one, the more you push them the more they will do to push you away. It does seem over the top, but they are probably devastated for thier daughter and think they are protecting her from any emotional stress. Keep in touch and keep showing you will be there when your gf does wake up.

best wishes

[striker08]

Thanks for responding, I will take your advice. I sent her two get well soon cards and a necklace, hopefully things will get better soon.