This too shall pass...

[IncognitoSir]

Okay, I've recently moved to the city of my gf after a 3 1/2 month LDR. Truely I feel like everything has gotten worst, I feel like she avoids mr now that I'm here. She says she made friends here as to make up for her lonliness of being away from me. So right now shes hanging with her friends even though she had a free day today. All we do is argue everytime we hang out or when I mention something that bothers me with our relationship. She says we have grown apart and need to get back in the swing of things. I feel like shes trying to rebuild the relationship the way that fits her best. We were very close, matter of fact we were best friends as well as dating each other. I've never hurt this much before in my life! I cant eat, sleep, and Im just angry! By the time I finally talk to her, I;m so pissed off I end up blowing up or saying something mean or cold hearted. Am I expecting to much? I've done sooooo much for this girl and I've never asked for much back in return besides the love she gave me......that was plenty for me. Now I'm not even getting that. I've been thinking about this all week and it scares me to think of breaking up with her, but I am absolutly misreable right now and she is out with her friends. I realize I could be out with my friends, but I moved here partially for her and now Im forced to hang out with other people pretty much. What do u guys think. Bare in mind, she moved away from me and I went thru sooo much to make my move happen asap. so many sacrafices, not saying that she didn't, but I drove to see her 2 sometimes 3 times a month for the weekends every oppurtunity I had and she used to call me crying of how much she missed me and it broke my heart everytime. Now that I'm here, EVERYTHING has changed. All i've been thinking about is ending it today. I tried to sunday and I didnt, we talked it out which was only a temp fix. Help please.

[wizduels]

you can't convince a girl to love you. so talking about it with her won't help. you have to know how to change the way she FEELS about you. first of all you have to stop taking the situation so seriously. creating an atmosphere of seriousness only makes a woman feel cornered and she will look for a way out of the situation. seriousness will only drive her away. you need to be the fun/playful guy who conveys by your actions that nothing is ever 'a big deal'. woman behave according to how they feel. if she hasn't seen you in a long time, she won't feel that connection that you once had together so you have to re-establish that connection before you behave as though you are in a relationship. you must attract her, get her to feel comfortable with you again, then seduce her when she is willing and available. i posted the following info in another thread but i'll re-post here for your benefit:

i'll give you the basics:

women are emotional and reactive. if you want a relationship with this woman you are going to have to be pro-active. period. women for the most part do not initiate relationships. so how do you pursue a relationship with this woman?

all relationships go through 3 stages in the following order:

1. attraction
2. comfort
3. seduction

THE ATTRACTION STAGE
being attractive to a woman has less to do with how you look and a lot more to do with how you behave. woman in general will feel attracted to men that display 3 basic attributes:

1. a man that is confident
2. a man that is seen as a protector of / provider for loved ones
3. a man that has other females in his life

you must figure out a way to put these 3 attributes on display to her by your behaviour in a way that seems NATURAL and not contrived. if you do it correctly she will indicate her interest in you with behaviour like the flipping of the hair, laughing at your jokes, making eye contact, standing a little closer to you, and other marginally flirtateous behaviour.

THE COMFORT STAGE
once she starts to display this type of behaviour you will want to engage in non-sexual, lightly flirtateous touch, playfull and kidding like, mean to be fun. things like light arm-punching, high fives, hip bumps, wrapping your arm around her neck in a 'just kidding' playfull sort of way, etc. get creative. but it must be non-sexual. you must also initiate the touch for only a couple of seconds then release it. it gives enough time for her to enjoy the touch, but not enough time for her to object to it. and the touch is gone before she wants it to be gone, leaving her wanting the next contact and welcoming it. as you continue to become successfull with it, you can escalate the touch to things like sitting next to each other in social settings, hugs, hand holding, playfull wrestling etc.

the whole idea at this point is to help her feel comfortable spending time with you but also feeling comfortable and accepting of your touch in general.

THE SEDUCTION STAGE
sooner or later you will be able to tell when the time is right to kiss her. there is no easy way around it, you just have to go for it. generally speaking if she is comfortable around you when you two are alone and you can hold hands, hug etc, your pretty safe to kiss her and not get slapped as long as it's in a semi-private location. don't kiss too long on the first kiss. continue dating while touching / kissing and getting to know each other. if you are old enough (i can't condone minors having sex) you will have to eventually have sex with her if you want more than just a friendship. generally speaking it takes on average about 7 to 10 hours spent together (cumulative either all at once or over the course of several dates) for a woman to to feel ready for sex with you assuming things have gone well up to this point. anything past 15 hours and you are in serious danger of falling into the 'friend zone' so you will have to make sexual advances on her in a private location before that. too soon and she won't be comfortable with it. if you act at the right time, she will probably like you enough to be open to starting a sexual relationship with you.

once the both of you are spending time together and having sex as well, you are pretty much in a relationship at that point even if it has not been defined between the two of you, unless of course you are dealing with a total slut. as for defining the relationship, never question her about it. let her bring it up. she will bring it up when the time suits her. anytime you try to get commitment from someone it only makes them feel like they are pressed into a corner and their first thought will be to escape the situation and you will lose her because she will start to feel pressured and smothered.

i could go on and on about relationships but i hope just this much helps. good luck.