never experienced a relationship

[leeutalkin2me]

am 22/m and can honestly say i have never experienced or had a relationship with a girl before.

Throughout my school life i always felt that i was wierd, i neva talked out loud alot, when i did it was with friends who i was comfortable with, i found talking to any of the girls hard, on a one to one basis ok at best. I always worried about going to school each day incase i was asked to speak out loud, these years really put a downer on myself. I never had a girlfriend and sometimes in class a few girls would make fun of me saying they fancied me even though they were obviously joking because i was quiet.

I hoped that once id left school i could build my character and personality and start fresh.

When i started work in an office, i gradually met alot of girls, strange i worked with alot more girls than guys and got to know their friends, it was the first time i really built up friendships with females. I now have such good female friends that i am close to.

I have such problems with myself, alot of things depress me and really affect me. I have always suffered from no self confidence, i guess it startd from school feeling the odd one out, never having a special talent and being quiet. I do talk alot more than i did then, get along great with ppl and have a laugh.
When people start talking about nights out, drinking, partying etc i try to shy away from the conversation, ive worked in my office 5years and only been out twice, its a mixture of not be assure of myself, and feel i have to act happy n be happy to go out and party, it fills me with dread. Its my birthday soon and a colleagues so all talk is on nights out for those, and going out for meals, where i know their will be alot of ppl going, personally i dont do anything for my birthday n hate fuss, i do nothing at home. Most days i stay at home anyway, go on the internet and watch dvds, as i dont see many friends, just when i go to work

Over the years ive hit bad times, hating myself, thinking i dont have a life or a personality and why i cant be like everyone else, and problems at work. The last month has been really bad, this week ive had patches were i feel really down and seriously considered going to see my doctor about it,a sicknote and maybe meds or councelling as its gone on too long

A main reason i think thats getting me down when ifeel depressed is being alone.

I have never had a girlfriend, been asked out or asked anyone out before, i wouldnt know how to go about it and dont have confidence to do it.

This week i found out that a girl in the nxt office to me is off to australia for 4months, this year i went there for 5weeks alone and so kind have this in common. She has worked in our building over a year, i have always thought that she is wow, really pretty and just the kinda girl looks wise i would go for. We had only spoken a couple of times before this week, about nothing really, i had always tried to get into a position to speak to her as i thought she was nice. I was really depressed when i found out she was going to OZ, 1. jealous 2. wouldnt see her around. Its made me really down and moody at work, along with other problems at work thats getting me so down as well as the state of my life.

Twice this week this girl has given me such a boost, i have managed to talk to for quite a while about her trip and my trip. My work colleagues have seen us talking n made fun of me a little, but in a good way, as they say i have agroup of petite blondes that always make time for me n talk lol.

I just dont know how to tell if someone is actually interested in me in a relationship way, or just being friends and want to hear about my trip. Im so confused as i really like this girl, ive always managed to talk with her on a one to one as i would feel really embarrassed in front of my work friends because of the way they have her on my list.

We are all sure she is single, even if she was interested she is way out of my league for sure. I have seen lots of girls before and thought they are nice but neva made a move and im not learning from my mistakes, each time i just dont do anything, i have no idea how to see if they are interested, how to go about asking them out, never mind the daunting feeling of actually going out with someone for the first time and worrying about how to act and do.

I know i am probably just obessing about this girl imparticular but i need to do something about myself, she is at work for one more week before she leaves for Australia, even if she was interested this is the worst time to act or even have her in my head alot, wish she wasnt gonna b gone for long. Ive offered to take her friends place if she gets ill too lol.

Can anyone help me about relationships? Maybe i can sort my self out into a confident person for her coming back, if not for her, for me, i need to change myself. Do you think talking to a doctor about all my self confidence problems, depression with my life and work would be worthwhile?

Ive always thought i cant have a relationship or have anyone respect me until i respect myself and still stand by that. some kind of female interest would probably do the wonders for believing in who i am

Luv to hear everyones opinions

Lee

Heres some links to posts ive made inthe past which give alot more background into me and can probably make u understand how i act now.

[url]http://p082.ezboard.com/fmentalhealthgeneral.showMessage?topicID=9247.topi c[/url]

[url]http://www.trappedforums.com/index.php?showtopic=4408&hl=[/url]

[url]http://www.trappedforums.com/index.php?showtopic=7306&hl=[/url]

[jslaughter]

Lee,

You see that you have a problem - there's only one way to effect the changes they have to start in you. You have to decide if you want to stay in your shell alone forever OR if you want to risk possibly getting shot down for the chance to have a relationship.

You said girls in the past told you they liked you but they were obviously kidding? Why were they obviously kidding because you don't believe that they COULD like you? You may have missed some opportunities there because you could not see what was right in front of your face.

The simpliest way I can sum it up is this - - you need to have a little faith in yourself because if you can't have faith in you, how can you ask someone else to put their faith in you?

ASK HER OUT - for coffee, tea, dinner, whatever. What's the worst thing that could happen? She could say no and then she leaves for Australia for months, by the time she comes back the awkwardness of the moment would be forgotten. She could say yes and then you could start getting out of this funk that you are in!

Good Luck!
Jules

[leeutalkin2me]

I understand ive always had this same problem, i just cant get over it, immediatley i doubt myself and know i dont have the skills,personality or witt to keep someone interested

I imagine if i was sorted out in my head, regular things in life like this would be so simple to carry out

[leeutalkin2me]

I think she finishes work next friday , im sure she flies on the 5th of september. I had thought all last week that friday was gonna b her last day so i was pretty down for more numerous reasons. She came to see me just before i was due to finish work and presumed she had come to say goodbye or to give me the opportunity to wish her a good trip, before i knew it half an hour had passed wiv us talking. Colleagues in the other room were trying to put me off, i could see them all close up to the window watching n making me know they had seen me talking with her and a guy on the photocopier made sure he got an eyeful of her too lol.

Yes she will be coming back to work after her 4months, im presuming as she wants to be in sydney for new year, she should be returning very soon in january.

I am gonna try n say to her before she leaves that if she is emailing ppl at work, that id like to b sent a copy to hear how things are going and what she is up to
Over the weekend, ive found a guide book i have on sydney and am gonna take that to work for her to see if she would like to look at it or even take it with her, it does have my home email address and mobile number in too lol, but not in a too obvious way, has other scribbled notes too. Gives her the chance just to send me a fun txt msg when she is away bragging about her holiday, cos i have joked to her that im really jealous of her, she came to see me on friday n said so do u still hate me in a non serious way n i said i didnt hate her n she said ok then dispised, the things that ran though my head when i said i didnt hate her, im glad i didnt spit something out like how could i hate you, that would have left a open ended question that could have been interpretated that i think she is lovely.

She probably does like me, im just afraid that we only talk because of the Australia topic, or maybe this is what has given us the opportunity to talk??tough one

When i emailed her last week when at work, i asked if she wanted to see my Oz photos n that i would bring them in for her, i got a reply back saying yeah she would, she was trying to see them when i came back and had them at work, i remember that exact event where she was in the office for sum reason and ppl were lookin, she did come over to see a couple acting interested, but i didnt have a clue she was that interested n that she had wanted to see them all,(i didntk now she was planning a trip to oz either).
I dont know why she didnt ask me though, granted we didnt really know each other or spoken before, surely she knew my name and could have emailed me if she wasnt sure about asking in person. To me she doesnt seem the shy type

It would be nice to see her outside work, to go down the town, a couple of drinks after work in a quiet place where we can talk, to me that would be perfect with any pretty female, just a bit of company thats all. I dont think i have it inside me to ask her if she wants to go somewhere after work just to talk, it sounds too much like a date, and she might think so too, with it being her last week she probs has packing to do so thats her excuse.

I cant just come out and ask her something like that.
It would make my year if she suggested we talk somewhere and did, then again if i was invited somewhere and lots of ppl from her office were there, like a farewell gathering i dont think i would go, too many people.

Lee

[leeutalkin2me]

In the case of this girl at work, i saw her just before i left tonight, infact i didnt see her for most of the day and it was total luck that i bumped into her on my way down the corridor to go home. To be honest i was testing to see if she would contact me before i left considering it was her last day, she hadnt but maybe i was supposed to say have a good trip and so it was my fault. Anyway had a little chat, wished her well, she thanked for me for the book i gave her again, i asked if she wud b emailing work when she is away n i said well add me to the list as id like to know what she gets up to, she said she would and would sent pics. Im happy that we parted on good terms. At first when i bumped into her i headed down the corridor but turned back to wish her a good trip n then talked, i think she may have been waiting for me to say it, rather than her say anything, i wudnt have been happy if we hadnt spoke before she left.
On drive home felt good, sad that she is gonna b gone but at least she will contact me while she is away i thought. I admitted to someone at work today, when i was askd who in the building would u say is a babe, and i said Gill, im sure it must have been obvious what i thought of her.
I thought during my drive home that i really do wanna improve myself and should go to the doctors, nxt friday is my birthday, and ppl from work are going out down the town to the pubs that night for someone in my offices birthday in a couple of weeks and im expected to go even tho they know i always say no. i did consider it when i was feeling good on way home but think will see what happens at the doctors, although by then my feeling good and new determination will have gone and probs not go out on the nightout anyway.
Its strange, if i do get some help and change i should thank gill, even if nothing happens with us when shegets back, even though it would be great if i was so lucky. I think as time passes i will gradually get over gill not being here, well in the back of my mind and hopefully focus on improving myself mentally and physically.

I do know i need to get my life on track, but i think some kind of treatment is needed before that stage, just to get the basis in my head in line.

I may feel totally different once the weekend is gone and im back at work and end up shying away form things again, and letting things eat up inside me about who i am, and wanting someone special. I do need to help myself though.

Just thought id add this and see what you think
Lee

[PandaCivic]

wow, i think i got lazy after reading the first post, but even if i didn't read your whole post, i do have some advice. you're always going to be who you are, and you're never going to change. the only way you'll change is if you face your fears. Fear is what sets you apart from others and your actions. if you face your fear of social gatherings and other things, you'll be better off. it's going to be the worst feeling DURING anything you fear, but when it's all over, you'll feel a different way, more like a rush or adrenaline boost. the more you face what you're afraid of, the easier it becomes after multiple times. so embarass yourself in public, but look silly doing it. laugh at yourself so that way you know it ain't gonna kill you. self conscienceness (sp?) is in all of us. just be the first to admit it. i'm still working my way past that as well. gradually do things you don't normally do, and i promise you, it will be cool.

[LucidDream]

I never had a girlfriend and sometimes in class a few girls would make fun of me saying they fancied me even though they were obviously joking because i was quiet.

Ive been there several times before. But a little over a year later I found out that one of them actualy did have a crush on me, I felt realy guilty about ignoring them after that. I think that changed me a bit, one of the 'popular' girls liked me, but hid it behinf 'sarcastic' remarks. A while later me and my mates suddenly got talking to a group of girls who where near our usual lunchtime spot, ever since we have been great friends, infact I get on better with the girls now. They kinda treat me like 'one of the girls' now, which can be a little unsetteling at times, but not I have found I can talk to girls in general much easier!

So my advice to you is to start making good friends with girls before you start thinking about dating, it helps with your confidence, and it helps you get to know them better. If you are too uncomfortable to make friends with them, find out if there are any that your friends talk too and hang around for a while. or if you have to make new ones, then find some that you are more confortable approaching. Sad truth is that at first its easier to start talking to less attractive girls, so make friends with them and work your way up.
If you had the heart to come to a forum like this one, then Im pritty sure most girls would be happy to talk to you, once they know you.

I know that stratergy sounds cold and calculated, but thats the only thing I can think of.
-Good Luck!

[leeutalkin2me]

At work i have loads of female friends, probably more than guys. I get on well with them and can talk to them easily. Strange thing is, a couple of them i do think are lovely, and well i wouldnt say any of them are unattractive but i guess once u get used to ppl u dont really think about that anymore.

This girl at work who is leaving for Oz, ive always thought she was WOW looking from a distance and just since managed to talk to her a few times i think she is lovely, that mixed with the fact she is gone for 4months makes me wierd, cant stop thinking about her, and imagining things

When you said that most girls would be happy to talk to me once they know me, i think your right, as well im not a bad person and always consider others, a bit too much. Im not a bigheaded person or anything, well actually i think i need a bit of that, that bit of confidence

I think maybe its the way i portray myself, maybe i dont look very approachable at times. Alot of ppl tell me to cheer up, even when i aint feeling down, im obviously looking unhappy, i dont have a natural smily cheery face. Maybe this is a reason, altho if i felt confidence, liked myself more i would portray myself different and maybe get a totally different reaction from girls.
Im gonna look forward to Gills emails, just wondering if they will just be general on what she is up to, or if they will be more personal towards me, gonna have to wait and see, but im gonna go the docs and try to get some help for myself, if not to get closer to gill when she returns, for me at least
If you had the heart to come to a forum like this one, then Im pritty sure most girls would be happy to talk to you, once they know you.

[LucidDream]

You sound like me, not 2 months ago.
You will get there in time, try and be strong and be a bit more outgoing than usual.
Yesterday I gave a group of people the finger because they where taking the piss out of a friend of mine, they shut up when I did that. Ive never done anything like that before, and I feel like I grew up a little then.

Doing something that you wouldent normaly do - just once, changes you. After doing it once, you find you can do it again. So when you are feeling a bit stornger than usual, do something. Ive found that thats the best way to build up my confidence, so you try it. Also, when do do something that isnt your usual behaviour, people notice it. Giving someone the finger isnt realy a big thing, but people shook my hand for doing that.

Another way to build up your confidence is to change your appearence. I wasnt that bothered about how I looked, but when I realy tryed to look good, it had a big effect on me. Thats something elce you might wanna try too.

[leeutalkin2me]

I agree , my main reason for my 5weeks trip to oz and other places in the world was personal development, as i knew it wud b a challange for myself inside and felt great when i got back, even though had low times, many ppl have told me they couldnt go and do that kinda of thing alone but i did, slowly i just settled back down into regular routine and back to my old self again.

Appearance wise, ive never changed my hair style or the way i look.
I do want to get running and do some weight in the house and situps etc, if i start getting better mentally i wanna do something physical as heard that can help alot. although got a dodgy ankle that i need to mention to doc too lol

[LucidDream]

change of clothes is the easiest thing to do

[leeutalkin2me]

change of clothes is the easiest thing to do

strange u say that. At work if i have a new shirt on, or a shirt with to tie and not tucked in, they say ive got a pulling shirt on and joke wondering who its for. And i just wanna turn around and say that i dont think me wearing a shirt like this is gonna make much difference to make a girl like me.

But i guess we all judge of appearances

[Exodus]

They are just giving you a hard time man, don't worry about 'em. Best way to combat that stuff off is to just shoot it right back at them Start taking observations about them and making little funny comments about them. You gotta start socializing with them or else they are going to keep secluding you.

[syz2688]

Hey friend you just 22yrs.....this girl I like is 33yrs....and bloody hell she's not even worried......sorry man I really piss....I going after her and she seems not responding......I WAN HER>>>I WAN HER>>>>Any help....PLEASE PLEASE.....