threeway friendship turned the wrong way..

[RomantiGoth]

me and my girlfriend have from the beginning of our relationship dreamt of being not monogamous... we tried some screwing around with others, but quickly found that it hurt a little too much, so we decided just to "wait" until we were ready to try again...

which we did.. sort of... we met this really nice girl, who we both like.. we have slept with her two times and we all begame friends quickly... as we are free on the whole kissing and hugging, we all kissed and hugged a lot when we were together, even as "friends"... But the problem is that I fell in love with this girl... Not that I cannot manage to love two people at the same time, so that is not the issue...

As I found out that my feelings were growing, I had to tell my girlfriend.. she was/is not happy... it lead to a lot of talk about the relationship we all shared and the relationship between me and my two loved ones.. which lead to the girl "breaking up" with us, or rather with me...

so, heart broken, over the love that could never have been, I have gone away for a little while to sort out my priorities and my feelings...
my girlfriend says that she would love to not be jealous and be as polyamourous as I am, since she was enjoying the threeway as much as I...

another problem is that when I am sad over my lost love, my girlfriend (understandably) feels hurt, which makes her very distant, which in turn makes me even more distant and hurting over the lost love... it is a hard circle to break... any advice on this??

But seeing as we all enjoy each others company, yes all of us, we do not wish to kill the friendship... so we have decided to cut contact with the girl, and resume it when me and my girlfriend are feeling better...

my question is, how can I handle the pain? how do I look at my girlfriend, when she reminds me of the love I have for her, and the love that I cannot have? I cannot be without my girlfriend, but she hurts to be around?? does anyone have some experiences with these kinds of problems.. ?

[lightning]

Sorry if that sounds hurtful..but you and your girlfriend slept with her at the same time? and you weren't expecting complications??...I'm sorry but that sounds sick...

I feel alot better about my case now at least I didnt do stupid things and wondered why things are complicated

[babycakes11]

What you are doing is wrong. Two people loving each other and caring for each other is the norm. You play with fire then you want advice. Read your own post and stop being a fool. Find yourself ONE love - you cant have you cake and eat it!

[Heratriumphant]

I think you should try to go spend a couple of days completely alone and try to figure out exactly what it is that you NEED in a relationship.

Notice I didn't say what you WANT.

You say you can't be without your GF, then you better start remembering why that is. Focus on that.

Try being in her shoes for a minute...try to imagine that you were the one being replaced as the primary love. What if you were no longer the great love of her life, but you had to stand by and watch her giving that love to someone else. Her energy, time, emotion all focused away from you, but hey your welcome to the crumbs.

I'm writing this as someone who was once in a poly relationship. In mine and every other poly relationship I've ever seen or heard of, everyone involved got hurt. Poly sounds good on paper but it does not work in real live, not in the long run.

[misombra]

your girlfriend wants you to love only her. i don't think that's at all abnormal. she was fooling herself if she thought she would be able to handle this kind of relationship. i don't think she's the person for you. i think most women would not be able to handle the kind of relationship you want.

[girl68]

You're both idiots because neither of you know what you're capable or not capable of.

What you want is fantasy land, because neither of you are capable of having JUST sex/ intimate relations with other people. Feelings and jealousy have proved this twice now.

Face the facts, you CANNOT have an open relationship. For you and your gf this must stay a fantasy.

Don't do it again. You're not magically going to turn into a person who can seperate intimacy and love, your gf cannot seperate sex from love.

[Gigabitch]

RG, I have to say it: I told you so. I'm sorry you're hurting.