Insecurity?

[someyoungguy]

The story:
my girlfriend(long distance relationship as of 5 months ago/dating a year) was telling me that there was a coworker who was talking to her today, and it sounded like he is interested in her. They've talked a few times at work before, but today he seemed overly persistent in engaging with her. He asked if she had a BF, asked if she would like to do activities together(just them two) such as hiking, teaching her how to swim, biking etc.

He also made some comments about how skinny she is, and made some strange comment that she should gain some weight because he likes thicker girls.. He also waited for her after work to walk her to her car. They also exchanged phone numbers.

He seems pretty interested in her to me, and I got a bit upset that she didn't think so. She always says how shes so intuitive, but when it comes to other guys coming on to her, she never thinks they are. She says it's because she thinks younger guys (2 yrs younger) never are into older girls. And that since she told him she has a BF, he wouldn't "go for her".

To me, it sounds like shes in denial for some reason. She says he probably asked her those things, because she told him that she doesn't have any friends/family in the area, so he probably felt sorry for her or something. I felt uncomfortable that they exchanged numbers, but she insists that even if he were to call, she doesn't have to answer the phone. Even her other coworker was telling her how he seemed to be interested in her.

I asked what his name was, but she wouldn't even tell me. She says I'm upset and it's because I'm just jealous/insecure. What's everyone's opinion??


**update

I tried to talk to her again about the whole situation. I laid it all out there and told her how I felt and why. I said that she should have let him know clearly that shes not interested, so he would back off. She says that telling him that she has a boyfriend already is enough. And that there is no reason to get him to back off because she still thinks he didn't give a clear message he was interested in the first place(UGH). I told her how I felt about the phone number exchange, but she said "What was I supposed to do? He's a co worker?" She also said I'm reacting this way because I don't trust her. She's not giving me anything to feel any better. Only worse.

Maybe the best bet right now is to just back off a bit?

[Chupacabras]

C'mon man, he asked if she had a BF and they exchanged numbers... your girl, at very best, is terribly naive and is sending the wrong messages. This guy absolutely is interested and was very clear about it; she should have gently rejected him as opposed to leading him on (which she clearly did).

Correct this behavior, you're absolutely right to be uncomfortable with this.

[someyoungguy]

Thanks for the quick reply. Something similar has actually happened before and pretty much said the same thing you did. Told her she should give a clear signal that she is not interested, rather than continually converse with him.

[Nice Lover Boy]

I'm in the shoes of the guy at work,lets say. I ask for your girls number eventhough I just found out she had a BF. If she gave it to me, then I might have something that the BF does not have that she might like.
Now, I asked for her number after I found out she had a BF. She said, "No, I'm sorry cause I got a BF".
Then I'd probably walk away.

Is your GF a flirt or something? Why don't you just tell her that the fact that she did give her number out bothers you. Yeah she might tell you that if he calls she won't pick up, but technology has gotten high and we can now communicate via text messages.

[lilly1185]

She might be a little lonely and looking for an out or some physical human touch.

You've two options; continue to be jealous from a million miles away, build up resentment and jealousy, or plan a trip in a romantic grand gesture to sweep her off her feet and remind her why she fell in love with you to begin with.
This guy sounds like a tool and will do anything available to get in her panties. Especially with "thick" comments and walking her to her car.

Had it been simply "walking her to her car", I could reason with it cause sometimes it's spooky or dangerous to leave work unattended. Some of this flirting is cause for worry. The fact she told you (c'mon, is she really THAT dense?) he said this and that for me, translates to "I'm missing something in my relationship with you," and whether she says it or not (I reiterate, women are sneaky bitches) she's aware of what he's doing.

Plan something silly and romantic (even if it's online scrabble at 3a) and let her know you love her and miss her. Also, work on that romantic grand gesture. If this pops up again in conversation, avoid being defensive and/or aggressive. It'll put her off and ebb her to the creepy guy.
And if this is a new-ish co-worker, I'd send her a can of mace because he SOUNDS like the type of guy who'd stick his face in her windows and fap to her on the toilet.

[doppelgaenger]

I'd be so pissed if my girlfriend handed out her phone number like that.

[Boomting]

Hes Definalty Interested In Her And I Wouldn't Be Happy If My Bf Exchanged Numbers With Some Girl Who Was Interested In Him. You Could Talk To Either Her Or Him About The Situation And Figure Things Out?

[someyoungguy]

I'm in the shoes of the guy at work,lets say. I ask for your girls number eventhough I just found out she had a BF. If she gave it to me, then I might have something that the BF does not have that she might like.
Now, I asked for her number after I found out she had a BF. She said, "No, I'm sorry cause I got a BF".
Then I'd probably walk away.

Is your GF a flirt or something? Why don't you just tell her that the fact that she did give her number out bothers you. Yeah she might tell you that if he calls she won't pick up, but technology has gotten high and we can now communicate via text messages.

Hm, Yeah, sometimes she seems like a flirt or just overly nice to strangers.

[someyoungguy]

She might be a little lonely and looking for an out or some physical human touch.

You've two options; continue to be jealous from a million miles away, build up resentment and jealousy, or plan a trip in a romantic grand gesture to sweep her off her feet and remind her why she fell in love with you to begin with.
This guy sounds like a tool and will do anything available to get in her panties. Especially with "thick" comments and walking her to her car.

Had it been simply "walking her to her car", I could reason with it cause sometimes it's spooky or dangerous to leave work unattended. Some of this flirting is cause for worry. The fact she told you (c'mon, is she really THAT dense?) he said this and that for me, translates to "I'm missing something in my relationship with you," and whether she says it or not (I reiterate, women are sneaky bitches) she's aware of what he's doing.

Plan something silly and romantic (even if it's online scrabble at 3a) and let her know you love her and miss her. Also, work on that romantic grand gesture. If this pops up again in conversation, avoid being defensive and/or aggressive. It'll put her off and ebb her to the creepy guy.
And if this is a new-ish co-worker, I'd send her a can of mace because he SOUNDS like the type of guy who'd stick his face in her windows and fap to her on the toilet.

Interesting alternative(and humorous) point of view. She definitely isn't the naive type, and I agree, I think she's aware of what he's doing. It really bothers me that she doesn't come out and say it when it's so obvious already. Honesty is pretty important, I just don't know why she doesn't tell me exactly what she thinks.

I've actually been planning to come down and see her in a few weeks. I pressed the issue again earlier today, on the phone(updated post#1). You may be right about avoiding being defensive/aggressive...

[someyoungguy]

I'd be so pissed if my girlfriend handed out her phone number like that.

Yup, and to a person that's interested in her.

[someyoungguy]

Hes Definalty Interested In Her And I Wouldn't Be Happy If My Bf Exchanged Numbers With Some Girl Who Was Interested In Him. You Could Talk To Either Her Or Him About The Situation And Figure Things Out?

I wouldn't be able to talk to him anyway because we are in a long distance relationship. I've tried talking to her, but neither of us are really budging.

[Jaylei]

As a girl, I can tell you that we ALL know when a g uy is hitting on us, or flattering us (unless he's just really odd). The fact that she told you everything he said to her almost verbatim (ie. he said I'm skinny, compliment) shows he made her feel good about herself and she wanted you to know how nice another guy is being to her.

She might not necesarrily be TRYING to make you jealous, but she knows you will be, every girl knows not to run and tell their bf every nice thing a guy says to them. Maybe its her (subconscious or conscious) way of saying "Hey, do you compliment me or appreciate me this much?"

The fact that she recognized he said something weird about "liking HIS girls thick" and asked if she had a bf, shows she knew he was hitting on her, and also makes her decision to exchange numbers a consciously erroneous one.

I'd ask her what her motives were, and why she would tell you things to make you jealous, only to turn around and get upset and accuse you of being jealous.

She either really wants you to be, or else she really is that stupid, and you should probably dump her for that reason alone... lol Jp