Counselling how should I proceed?

[CocoChanel]

I have never met a more compatible guy than the one I have. My friends have never even came close to understanding. They will listen like great friends but I am absoluetly alone in my misery regarding these issues.

Ah, how motivated am I? Well very... because I go nearly mad when these issues come to mind. Though I show nothing. I figured if I kept doing this I'd eventually believe that it really isn't a big deal and I really don't care about it... so far no luck.

Not to mention much of my issues are kept deep inside, I respect the privacy of my bf, which is why I can't talk about it with them.

Which is why I ask do you think I need to tell? (Yes, I know what I plan to tell/ not tell him but I'm curious about what you think.)

We feel the same exact way. None of my friends understand and I don't even bother trying to talk to them about it. I don't talk to the friends that we have together as a couple because I respect his privacy... something I didn't understand at first. I feel alone too which is why I am really enjoying talking to my counselor. They are really insightful and sensitive to my feelings. They help me see things differently too.

[Indignant]

I don't agree with the majority of people view on watching pornography. There are those men who feel as though they HAVE to watch it... like an addict. There are those men who watch it to masturbate and get off on it. It's ridiculous!!
And the moment a woman says she is uncomfortable with it... she is the one with the issue.

I don't agree with that at all. Even though I disagree I never even bothered trying to change a guys view about watching pornography. I look it as porn being their weakness.

Counseling will help if you give it a fair chance. My first time around... i didn't give it a fair chance. I gave up quick. LOL! But now that I have started going back it really does help. You could also try your luck with posting here too.

Please don't derail my thread with the whole porn debate, I've been through it a thousand times... make a new thread to discuss please.

That statement wasn't anywhere near that sentence!! I made that comment right after saying I don't bother to change a guys view on watching porn. Mostly because the finger always gets pointed at the female for having the issue. If a someone who says... I JUST CANT STOP WATCHING PORN... I think they are the one with the problem. So I see it as a weakness/addiciton for them if they can't stop themselves from watching it.

i guess i don't understand english anymore or those young girls can't put 2 and 2 together. in my understanding all of that is why you are having issues, but who cares? go and see counselor.

[girl68]

I do hope that I have chemistry with my counsellor.

And yes, we feel the same way. *I'm* the one with the issue becasue *I* don't like porn... (yeah "oh well, whatever, nevermind ) hehe.

I do want to be okay with it... Because I'm not going to lie, I watch it myself! We've even watched it together! Does it bother me? Hell yes.

And don't get me started on strippers (ie bachelor parties). That was by far the biggest fight we've ever had- lasted 4 days of hell. We live together do you know how hard it is to fight for 4 days and LIVE together!? (Flipping hell, it was soooo hard). Guess what? I had no friends to sit with and let me cry my eyes out. Actually that's a lie, I did and she basically laughed because *she* thinks it's no big deal... so *I* shouldn't think anything of it... but I do. Meh, I know my friends care, they just don't understand.

[girl68]

i guess i don't understand english anymore or those young girls can't put 2 and 2 together. in my understanding all of that is why you are having issues, but who cares? go and see counselor.

I guess I don't understand english either because that ^ is "huh?" I am going... just wanted some thoughts... experience... alright. You've said your peice.

[CocoChanel]

"ALL guys watch porn" okay, how the hell does that make ME feel good about it
"love yourself" uh huh, okay how the hell do you "love yourself" does, I think I'm cool count?
"it doesn't matter if he thinks other girls are hot- he loves you" great, that has NEVER made be feel better about it, it's not going to now...

IMO, if I am not enough to keep your eyes from watching naked women get down and dirty... then we have a problem. I feel as though I should be enough. Of course there are other beautiful women out there and no doubt, he will find some attractive... but a strong man doesn't let those women have that power over him. There are some men out there... they have to acknowledge every woman that is sexy by either staring them down, wandering eyes, thinking dirty thoughts etc... that is just disrespectful and could make a woman feel insecure.

[IndiReloaded]

If your BF is a typical guy, his interest in a counsellor will be zero to a negative value.

So sure, tell him what *you've decided*. I wouldn't ask his opinion about it. If he's interested in your sessions share what you feel comfortable with. At some point, the counsellor will probably suggest a joint session, if only to observe how you interact (at least in that environment). You can ask him then to join you, but I wouldn't push it. Men aren't generally as accepting of the idea of someone poking around in their head at those 'feelings' things.

Like anything in life, you'll get out what you put in. If you feel counselling may help you to focus your energy a little better on the correct things, then try it. Nothing to lose except a bit of money and time.

[Indignant]

i find it very popular nowadays to go counseling, even after 100 people here have already told you how to overcome your weakness of mind. people will pay money as long as they don't have to use their brain and train themselves to be less obsessive.

[doppelgaenger]

I saw a counselor for two years, and I didn't get any answers from him. They aren't omniscient beings. Instead of answers, you'll find them asking you more questions, which they were trained to ask that you could have asked yourself. They won't give you [objective] advice, and will give you relatively little insight in comparison with friends or acquaintances.

Don't be misguided. It would be a waste of time and money. It would be more helpful to keep a journal or diary and reflect on your thoughts. Post it for others to see to get feedback. That's a great way to reach out to others who have the same issues you do. You're not alone, fwiw.

I don't know how exactly your boyfriend is related to the issue, but it's probably got something to do with porn or something. If that's the case, then it's important to be able to communicate. You wouldn't believe how many people communicate so poorly with their lovers. Better communication could help you understand why your boyfriend is watching porn, if that's the problem, and that might be relieving in some ways, depending on what his reasons are.

[girl68]

I wonder if he will be offended or feel it's an invasion of privacy should I tell him. I could see him feeling like this. And if he did I would feel bad about it... but at the same time I feel like I should and do need to go.

A friend suggested fibbing slightly about why I'd actually be attending. NOT say it's about my issue with porn (we've had the same fight over and over) and finally I said ok, this is the last time I bring it up. Issue is closed. So if he knew I'm still dealing with it he'd be fed up, annoyed, frusterated, and feeling like he just can't win... So can I say maybe I'd like to work on my self image? Some bullshit like that? My fear of aging? (Yeah, I know I'm nuts...)

I mean so far the things I've tried are epic fails!

[Indignant]

I saw a counselor for two years, and I didn't get any answers from him. They aren't omniscient beings. Instead of answers, you'll find them asking you more questions, which they were trained to ask that you could have asked yourself. They won't give you [objective] advice, and will give you relatively little insight in comparison with friends or acquaintances.

Don't be misguided. It would be a waste of time and money. It would be more helpful to keep a journal or diary and reflect on your thoughts. Post it for others to see to get feedback. That's a great way to reach out to others who have the same issues you do. You're not alone, fwiw.

her and Coco should get a private room and share their thoughts. that way they'll only hear a reflection of each other.

[girl68]

i find it very popular nowadays to go counseling, even after 100 people here have already told you how to overcome your weakness of mind.

This I find offensive. No one outside this thread has even come close to providing a way to overcome this.

Ahh and here comes the bashing train... Thanks, I've heard you loud and clear now you're just saying offensive things.

[Indignant]

I wonder if he will be offended or feel it's an invasion of privacy should I tell him. I could see him feeling like this. And if he did I would feel bad about it... but at the same time I feel like I should and do need to go.

A friend suggested fibbing slightly about why I'd actually be attending. NOT say it's about my issue with porn (we've had the same fight over and over) and finally I said ok, this is the last time I bring it up. Issue is closed. So if he knew I'm still dealing with it he'd be fed up, annoyed, frusterated, and feeling like he just can't win... So can I say maybe I'd like to work on my self image? Some bullshit like that? My fear of aging? (Yeah, I know I'm nuts...)

I mean so far the things I've tried are epic fails!

yeah, i'd dump you in a second if i were him

[Indignant]

This I find offensive. No one outside this thread has even come close to providing a way to overcome this.

are you serious? now that should be offensive to anyone who bothered helping you here.

[CocoChanel]

I don't think it's popular or negative to go to counseling. It's easy to say "get over it" but a counselor can provide steps to get to that point, strategies and ways of coping. If you have a great counselor it can be effective and very helpful.

[IndiReloaded]

Actually Girl, I agree with Digs sentiment. We live in a pop-psych culture.

If you want to save money, I can suggest any number of books that will give you the same answers as your counsellor.

But, some people find it helpful to actually *talk* to someone. There used to be a wiring theory that claimed verbal expression of feelings allows for deeper processing to occur. There was some weird cultish people doing this in the 80s, co-counselling or something, but the underlying ideas seem to have some merit. IMO.

Here's a link w/the concepts - remember what I said about them being like a cult tho:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-counselling[/url]