Counselling how should I proceed?

[girl68]

So really what a few of you are saying is:
1) I'll just grow out of it
2) My friends whom haven't got a clue what I'm going through can help me
3) Knowing that I'm not the only one helps me how exactly?
4) All my diary does is blow back in my face what I already know: I'm an insecure freak.

[girl68]

yeah, i'd dump you in a second if i were him

Gee, uhh thanks for trying to "help" me.

[IndiReloaded]

1. No, not necessarily. You have to process your issues, but time tends to help.

2. Your close friends and family who might be privy to your issues might be able to. Or not, some 'friends' and family suck.

3. Tells you that your situation isn't unique. Like knowing you will die someday. Its all about how you decide to face it.

4. Read my link about getting feelings out. It may help.

[Indignant]

i already said it once, it's not insecure - it's obsessive. i am being really sincere now, read about obsessions and how to overcome them by training yourself.

[girl68]

i already said it once, it's not insecure - it's obsessive. i am being really sincere now

You are also not being very helpful with that nasty comment. Thanks for helping my insecurities/ obsessive nature by saying my guy should dump my ass. Interesting how I'm trying to fix things, yet this one person just tells me I should be single. How's THAT going to help?

[CocoChanel]

1. No, not necessarily. You have to process your issues, but time tends to help.

2. Your close friends and family who might be privy to your issues might be able to. Or not, some 'friends' and family suck.

3. Tells you that your situation isn't unique. Like knowing you will die someday. Its all about how you decide to face it.

4. Read my link about getting feelings out. It may help.

Hey Indi... what if you have friends like mine though. I mean seriously... I can't even stomach some of my friends anymore... they are just so ditz. My BBFs are Darren, Bebe, Chelsea, Jezi and Danielle. They don't really understand and Anako used to hate that I would run to them and tell them everything when they were just as clueless. Anako and I are friends with other couples... older ones too but he doesn't want them knowing all about our business.

[doppelgaenger]

I wonder if he will be offended or feel it's an invasion of privacy should I tell him. I could see him feeling like this. And if he did I would feel bad about it... but at the same time I feel like I should and do need to go.

A friend suggested fibbing slightly about why I'd actually be attending. NOT say it's about my issue with porn (we've had the same fight over and over) and finally I said ok, this is the last time I bring it up. Issue is closed. So if he knew I'm still dealing with it he'd be fed up, annoyed, frusterated, and feeling like he just can't win... So can I say maybe I'd like to work on my self image? Some bullshit like that? My fear of aging? (Yeah, I know I'm nuts...)

I mean so far the things I've tried are epic fails!

I don't like to talk about my personal relationship, but here I feel it's necessary to provide an example for you.

Of course on occasion I watch porn. I have one particular website I go to, to watch streaming videos, and that's it. My girlfriend's full well aware I do this. She has a bit of a problem with that. On the other hand, she is comfortable with that since the reason I watch is because we're in an LDR and we don't get to share a bedroom as much as we'd like. Of course we've found other ways around that issue, so I'm partly satisfied and I don't feel like I need to watch it as much as I normally would. So in that sense it's a substitute for the lack of intimacy we would normally have. I don't need to watch porn for any other particular reason.

What you need to do is establish a comfortable ground for communication, so that you can talk to your boyfriend about porn and your feelings. You need to realize why he watches porn. Understand what reasons he has. And likewise, he needs to understand why you feel ugly or like a bad girlfriend because of porn or his watching porn. After that, you need to decide whether or not to accept that.

[Charlie Boy II]

Sounds like you need positive thinking techniques. It doesn't sound like examining the source of your insecurity is going to help much because they aren't going away. Guys WILL look at porn and WILL find other girls attractive and WILL think about having sex with them.

[girl68]

Umm Charlie,

How is knowing that ^ "positive" thinking? (or what the hell IS positive thinking as you call it) All that does for me... is further ingrain my insecurities.

[Charlie Boy II]

that wasn't the positive thinking.

What I meant was, it sounds like you've developed some maladaptive thought patterns. A psychologist can give you techniques to change those patterns.

Beyond that I can't be much help. What I've never understood is why are girls so insecure at their hottest ages, when the whole world wants to f-ck them. i mean how much affirmation do they need??

[girl68]

Who the hell knows, but I'd love to find out.

[vashti]

I really think you need to work on strengthening your own image of yourself. None of the pop-psych nonsense, just good hard work that will improve your self esteem. If you genuinely felt that you were able to offer more than what those porno girls do, and that your BF ultimately valued you more, i doubt you'd be so bothered.

And really, I am not trying to trivialize your thoughts. I've been there.

[girl68]

I do not want canouselling because it's cool or pop-psych I generally think that no reagular person can help me fix my thought patterns or whatever we're calling it.

[CocoChanel]

I agree. This thread is making me think about possibly going to a Psychologist instead of a counselor. I don't have these issues with Anako though. My relationship before him was a disastrous one and I believe I am still holding onto a lot of things that happened. As much as I would love to have a friend I could trust to open up to and talk to... I think a Psychologist would help me too. It takes a lot of courage and hard work to fight those little demons. *Sigh*

[doppelgaenger]

I do not want canouselling because it's cool or pop-psych I generally think that no reagular person can help me fix my thought patterns or whatever we're calling it.

That's a new one