Counselling how should I proceed?

[vashti]

I do not want canouselling because it's cool or pop-psych I generally think that no reagular person can help me fix my thought patterns or whatever we're calling it.

Well, I suppose if you genuinely believe that is the only way you can be helped, there isn't really anything more to say. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

[Mish]

And don't get me started on strippers (ie bachelor parties). That was by far the biggest fight we've ever had- lasted 4 days of hell. We live together do you know how hard it is to fight for 4 days and LIVE together!? (Flipping hell, it was soooo hard). Guess what? I had no friends to sit with and let me cry my eyes out. Actually that's a lie, I did and she basically laughed because *she* thinks it's no big deal... so *I* shouldn't think anything of it... but I do. Meh, I know my friends care, they just don't understand.

I share your concerns about the stripper bachelor parties girl, personally I never understood why it's popular. What a stupid idea to play around with strippers one day before marriage because "you may never be able to do that again". Some people have no idea how abnormal this sounds to anyone who's new to this fad.

As far as porn goes, I don't know. It sounds like you have some strong feelings about the issue and they will probably need to come out if you want to be happy in this relationship. How does it make you feel when he watches porn btw?

[IndiReloaded]

I do not want canouselling because it's cool or pop-psych I generally think that no reagular person can help me fix my thought patterns or whatever we're calling it.

Girl, didn't you say you were a math major? I can pretty much guarantee that a psychologist will not be any smarter than you.

They *might* simply have more experience trying to help people like you. Think of them more like resources with specialized training in psychology. But do not make the mistake of thinking they are any more 'special' than you. If the answers were simple, there would be a book or program for sale & these problems would no longer exist.

It sounds trite but its the truth: the answers are already in you.

[IndiReloaded]

Here, Girl. There are some decent articles on this with with pretty much all you will learn from a counsellor.

[url]http://www.successconsciousness.com/free_articles.htm[/url]

Everyone has their own motivation methods. Mish has some good ones for encouraging positive interactions with others, I recall. Mbe he will post, I can't remember the link.

Personally, the one that works for me is most akin to a mental 'fuk, yea, I can do this'. Another I use, especially for challenging opportunities involving others is 'sure... we can do that'.

Then I'm committed. After that, its largely just hard work and making it happen.

[Indignant]

i agree with Indi. everyone needs to practice a can do attitude at any age and give into anxieties/insecurities. what those kids don't realize is that these are the meaningless problems that they are giving so my energy. just wait till they hit 30 and the real life hits them upside the head. porn will be the least of their concern.

[girl68]

Doppy, thanks for making fun of me. Much appreciated.

[girl68]

everyone needs to practice a can do attitude at any age and give into anxieties/insecurities. what those kids don't realize is that these are the meaningless problems that they are giving so my energy. just wait till they hit 30 and the real life hits them upside the head. porn will be the least of their concern.

thank you too for making my huge problems no big deal in your world. meaningless to you could turn someone like me to hardcore drugs, it is no small problem. but thanks again for making me feel like nothing.

[IndiReloaded]

Who doesn't have issues?

"If I gave into my insecurities I'd be a weeping mess on my bedroom floor. I wouldn't make it out the door on a given day. Screw that. I've got things to do. LOL."

Try it, Girl. Its habit forming and it works.

[Indignant]

porn can turn you to hardcore drugs? aren't we a little exaggerating? you really don't give yourself enough credit. don't ever underestimate the power of your will.

[IndiReloaded]

thank you too for making my huge problems no big deal in your world. meaningless to you could turn someone like me to hardcore drugs, it is no small problem. but thanks again for making me feel like nothing.

So negative.

This type of thought shouldn't even be tolerated. Are you really such a loser you would let yourself go to this point^? You don't strike me as weak, Girl. And you studied math, so I know you aren't dumb.

Get a bit mad at yourself. Don't despair. Fuk it, you get one kick at the can so might as well make it a good one. Don't hang around anyone who tells you otherwise. Go read those articles and try one new thing tomorrow.

How about instead of telling someone they make you feel like nothing you say "I'm something, so keep your opinions to yourself." At least that assertive without denigrating yourself, which you'll need to start making some changes.

[Indignant]

Indi, do you think that most women, especially young ones, set unrealistic ideals of men in their minds? the whole porn/OCD/jealousy issue is nothing more but being irrational and trying to control another human being.

"Taliban syndrome" or "caveman primitivism" - trying to own a person psychologically.

[CocoChanel]

Indi, do you think that most women, especially young ones, set unrealistic ideals of men in their minds? the whole porn/OCD/jealousy issue is nothing more but being irrational and trying to control another human being.

"Taliban syndrome" or "caveman primitivism" - trying to own a person psychologically.

I know you didn't ask me... but I do think that most women, especially young ones, set unrealistic ideals of men. I have done it and took me a while to get that fairytale out of my brain.

[girl68]

So negative.

This type of thought shouldn't even be tolerated. Are you really such a loser you would let yourself go to this point^? You don't strike me as weak, Girl. And you studied math, so I know you aren't dumb.

Get a bit mad at yourself. Don't despair. Fuk it, you get one kick at the can so might as well make it a good one. Don't hang around anyone who tells you otherwise. Go read those articles and try one new thing tomorrow.

How about instead of telling someone they make you feel like nothing you say "I'm something, so keep your opinions to yourself." At least that assertive without denigrating yourself, which you'll need to start making some changes.

No, well it depends what you call "hard". I was exaggerating becasue I was getting tired of the little "your problems aren't real problems you just wait" attitude coming from that poster.

I'm a habitual, recreational mary jane smoker... have I tried other drugs? Yeah. Will I poke a needle into my arm to inject heroin? No, of course not. Whatever- that's besides the point.

I know I have a lot to change, and maybe your articles are good (haven't read them yet) but I'm not one to sit and read an aritcle on the internet. I just can't a book? Maybe... if someone can reccomend a good book on jealousy/ insecurity (those would be the type of books I'm most interested in first reading.)

[Sonrisa]

what a load of bull. it's really upsetting to me that we invest our time and energy into helping someone and then get: "maybe your articles are good (haven't read them yet) but I'm not one to sit and read an aritcle on the internet"

[girl68]

I'm not allowed to perfer to not read something on the itnernet? Seriously? You act as if I disregarded everything Indi said, which is far from true.