Counselling how should I proceed?

[Sonrisa]

It is totally cliche.

If we're going to get into that: my relationship with my mother is not good, but could be worse. My parents are divorced and my dad's a workoholic. My mother was a nag, and is very overbearing and overprotective. This is only the very tip of the iceberg.

Maybe my therapist can dig into all that shit...

well guess what you are going to be in a couple of years. or to your bf you already are.

[qwertz]

well guess what you are going to be in a couple of years. or to your bf you already are.

we dont all turn out like our mothers, thank god!

[girl68]

well guess what you are going to be in a couple of years. or to your bf you already are.

thanks asshole. do you really have nothing else to say but continue to come here and make fun and light of a situtaion where a troublesome person is trying to FIX things? Blood hell.

[lilly1185]

I can attest to men that -porn also have -sex drive. I can also tell you about an ex I had that had no sex drive. Because porn was better. He would wait until I fell asleep and whack it *rolls eyes*

I don't think there is a general "over-all" sort of book, there maybe (Amazon comes in handy). A quick search of "Borderline Personality Disorder" brought me to this workbook:
[url]http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Patients-Control/dp/0393703533/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258675329&sr=8-1[/url] .

Apparently there is a huge need for "overcoming jealousy and insecurity" on amazon too:
[url]http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_1_12?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=overcoming+jealousy+and+insecurity&sprefi x=overcoming+j[/url]

Your library may have some of these books handy too (make a list, or just go up there and paw at their Self-Help section) so you're not dumping thousands of dollars into books. I'm wishing I could remember some of the books my therapist suggested to me but I for the life of me can't. It's been a few years.

As long as he's not displaying signs of addiction to porn, no there isn't a problem. Maybe you two could sit down and work out some kind of compromise until you get comfortable with it.
I guess Playboy has been around for ever for a reason...

If it helps you at all....guys can be pretty visual creatures and while fapping it to the computer monitor, it's more about watching a penis go in a vag that gets him off than watching the woman's o-face. That's how it was explained to me once, and those only applied to when said guy was in a jam (eg; I don't have sex if I'm on my period. I go into "man hate" mode, and usually lay on the ground bitching because of pain for 6 days. The last thing I want is to get physical).

If you're happy with him, and he with you, it could be just a series of small, complicated communication issues that you sort of swallowed down because it's difficult to talk about them and make yourself that vulnerable.
Easier said then done I know, but when you've got something bugging you that you need to talk about, and need him to compromise with you on,
take a breather, wait til you're calm, and don't harp on him. I easily fall into "attack" mode when I'm trying to share my feelings, and it's really hard to remember "step back, and chill out". But when you come out with claws flying it's easy for men to be put on the defensive. Thus the yelling screaming bickering and arguing.
Not entirely your fault either, because communication is a two-way street.

And if talking about something is hard and you need to get it resolved, write it out. Be as nasty and bitchy as you want. Then re-write it so it's logical and calm, and share it that way.
It's saved me from going haywire and getting nasty and vindictive before.

[girl68]

The subject has been talked (and faught) about at length. If I brought it up again, I will be dumped. Trust me, I would dump me too if I were him. I don't want to get into details but he *HAS* compramised on the topic. Not when I'm home, and he better be sure to fuk me often. So I settled for that, but I'm still not okay. Hence I need to find a way to be more accepting of it.

Anyways you're posts are helpful- I'm going to look into that second book...

[lilly1185]

Please do. It'll help if you make him some sort of aware that it's a problem you're working on as well.
You'll have your lapses, and he needs to be a bit of a solid rock. That way you're not tip toeing around it. That makes it hurt some.

It's helpful when your significant other wants to be there and stuff- so if you haven't raged about this as a topic, talk to him about helping you out and getting yourself together. He'll be grateful (or should be) that you're realising you've got some personal issues and trying to make the relationship great for both of you.

*big big second hug* We'll be here to help you along the way I'm sure. And therapy isn't a bad idea, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into.
If your issues are too huge to overcome yourself, at least you'll be able to pay the person you're telling "Here is what I've done on my own, help me with what I've missed."

If the person knows what they're doing they'll be able to guide you through it.
And from back tracking in this thread a little bit; a good therapist helps you learn life tools you may have missed. I had a pretty crummy family situation too (read; abusive father and mother who ignored it all) thus this huge web of issues I have with dealing with emotions and other people (I was a cutter for years; it's still hard to remind myself not to do it sometimes). So it may be that because you weren't surrounded by any family who could have taught you how to handle insecurities (especially during sensitive teen years), you blow them up and out of proportion.
Well, I do anyway. Don't take my analysis too seriously because A)I'm not professional and B)I barely know you, just sort of drawing from what I do.

A little bit of soul searching, meditation and missing life-tools assessments will go a loooooooooong way. Once you learn what you're missing, the hard part is reminding yourself to put it into practice everyday. It's very easy to slip back into old habits.

But again, we'll be here to help you.

[IndiReloaded]

A few things to note: we're common law in Canada that means you're "married" except you're not.

@ Girl - so long as you are listed as a dependent on your partner's extended health, you should be covered. He'll have to check, tho, which means you are communicating with him on this. Probably a good thing.

@ all else - Canada's health care system doesn't cover voluntary counselling, same as US. You need to have an extended health care plan, paid out of pocket or supplemented by an employer. This is an example of how Canada is a two-tier system like I've mentioned previously. Its not truly 'free' health care.

[lilly1185]

Its not truly 'free' health care.

Why does USA want this again?

I'm willing to bet if they offer a sliding scale in Canada you'll be able to find someone to help you.

[url]http://therapytoronto.ca/psychotherapy_and_you.phtml[/url] is this helpful? If they aren't anywhere near your area (I threw some words into google consisting of "sliding scale" "therapy" and "Canada") I'm sure you can e-mail them to inquire about some professionals near you.

[IndiReloaded]

What's a sliding scale?

A good therapist will cost about $150 a session (60 - 90 min), regardless of who actually pays. Some plans require it be a Registered Psychologist to be eligible for reimbursement.

[lilly1185]

What's a sliding scale?

A sliding scale is when they base the cost of your sessions on the cost of your income.

I was lucky enough to get in touch with an old school counselor who'd formed her own practice. When I was jobless she charged be $5. When I got a job, she charged be $25.

I wouldn't always base "good" on "cost" though. My parents paid out the nose for a psychologist/therapist for years because they were good. Mostly, they spoke for me, I never had a say in anything, and got popped up on anti-depressants. They made me worse off than I was originally and I just stopped going.
Not exactly important self-rehabilitating material when you're a teenager.

*edit* I reiterate; it's important to find someone you're comfortable with and listens to you.

[IndiReloaded]

I've never heard of such a thing in Canada. Sounds kind of like that co-counselling stuff I've read about. I think they do that.

Anyway, anyone who isn't a registered psych (PhD or grandfathered MS) won't be covered by extended health, so I doubt that will be an option. Good idea, tho.

[lilly1185]

I have a friend in the psychology field. Maybe I can have her dig up some information up there.
I'm a smidge curious about this grandfathering thing. I've heard of it for other things (mostly people who have farm animals in city limits), but never for medical things. I wonder if the US has something like that?
And what a co-counselor is.

[IndiReloaded]

The requirements for Registered Psychologist changed several years ago. Used to be a Master's was enough but now a PhD is required. Depends on the province, I think. So, if you find a registered psych in BC with a Masters, you know s/he is probably very experienced.

I posted a wiki link re: co-counselling earlier in this thread.

[doppelgaenger]

I will never understand the female logic. *scratches head*

[girl68]

I'll figure out all the stipulations of benefits and who covers what and what is excluded. I know for a fact silding scale exsists in BC, I've googled a number of counsellors. I've asked one to call me today to discuss.

Thanks for your support ladies I hope with some time a little help I can become a better person for myself and my partner.