What's His Deal?

[ANA15]

There is this guy I've known since high school that I've always sort of had feelings for, but now we hang out more and I really like him...I'll try to summarize and make it short.

He moved back to town this summer and I started to like him. I thought he liked me too - I'd catch him watching me across the room, he'd try to impress me by playing my favorite songs on guitar, always sit next to me and talk to me, our legs would kind of brush each other, etc. Word got out that I liked him and so when taking him home after a trip out of town, I told him I knew he knew my feelings and I hoped it wasn't awkward because I liked being friends too, and he just sort of laughed it off and was like "I don't see why you like me, I'm pretty boring" and we just joked about it and so on. He said he was glad I could talk about it. Really I was hoping for some sort of verification about his feelings, but received none.

Oh yeah - the big problem is that he used to be best friends with my ex, who I dated for a couple years. Plus, he says he doesn't want a relationship right now because he gets hurt easily and is still recovering from his last relationship (that was like 6 months ago). I heard from a mutual good friend that he's been trying not to pay special attention to me and he's probably kind of scared because "nice girls" don't usually go for him, so he's not used to it. My ex shouldn't be a problem - it's been six months and he's seeing someone else, no feelings between us, etc. But I get it.

So fast-forward about two months to the day before Halloween and the usual flirting has been going on since, but I never brought up liking each other again - until I was at a Halloween party that night, had too much to drink, and texted him. I was embarrassed and he was having a Halloween party the next day, so when I saw him alone in his room that night I entered to apologize and explained that I was trashed and now embarrassed. He told me that he likes me, but the timing is wrong. We hugged and went back to the party, but I ended up falling asleep in his bed and woke up when he was getting in bed (I always drink too much at Halloween parties and it was the only place to lie down...). I wasn't in a condition to drive and I asked if it was OK for me to stay, and he said it was. We ended up cuddling and talking until we fell asleep...

Now I'm embarrassed about it and neither of us has ever brought it up. Everything is back to normal - casual flirting and stuff when we see each other. Last weekend I ended up at his house hanging out with friends - the usual: he sat beside me, got his guitar to show me a song he learned, tried to make me a drink, and so on. At the end of the night we were the only two left and we talked; it was really nice and comfortable - something that I rarely feel because I'm always nervous around him. We hung out until 6 in the morning and he walked me to his door...I kind of wish I had tried to kiss him.

Is making a move a bad idea? I know he has reasons for staying out of it, but then why does he act this way? He's not really a flirty guy, he's pretty quiet and shy usually. I can't imagine him making a move, though I know some guys don't like girls who do. This in-between unspoken crap is really frustrating me and leaving me clueless as to how to act. Any advice?

[0fficial]

I feel your confusion and desire, but from what I understand is that his actions say hes not interested. Maybe Im wrong...but

I like you but the timing is wrong = I like you but not like that.

Its a lets just be friends thing to say.

Best of lucks,

[Konsig]

Hello ANA15,

it's better to regret something you've done, than to regret something you haven't.

If you do, it might backfire. It might not work. But in 5 or 10 years, you'll be able to tell yourself that you tried, and there was nothing you could do to change the outcome. You did your best, and you'll be glad you did.

If you don't, you know the outcome already. You won't have him. Ok, you also don't have the risk of it "backfiring", but seeing how you two do get along already, chances of him being rude or hurting you deliberately do look slim.


One thing I want to add: you can make your move, but you don't have to aim for the stars. Love is not an "all or nothing" scenario. You can just gradually build up things, cuddle more, sit close together, maybe kiss once without having to be "boyfriend/girlfriend" the next minute after.

There are no obligations. And you can tell him that.. you can tell him you enjoy the situation as it is, you love spending time together, being close...

Maybe it'll turn out to be nothing.. maybe you'll have a wonderful time and end up together - or not together.. but even that latter case is better then doing nothing.

So yeah, make a move, but gently, smoothly, and don't "want it all, want it now". Let it grow.

Good luck!

[Tarnak]

it's better to regret something you've done, than to regret something you haven't.

I really like that Konsig. Words to live by...

[vashti]

There are really only a few reasons a guy wouldn't have made a move on a girl laying in the same bed, none of them appealing:

1. He just doesn't like her.
2. he's gay.
3. he's impotent
4. he's a coward

[Only-virgins]

There are really only a few reasons a guy wouldn't have made a move on a girl laying in the same bed, none of them appealing:

1. He just doesn't like her.
2. he's gay.
3. he's impotent
4. he's a coward

You forgot taken.

[vashti]

Well, I assume if he was really taken, he wouldn't have let her sleep in his bed.

[Cbrider]

Well, I assume if he was really taken, he wouldn't have let her sleep in his bed.

You still forgot taken.

[lastwish]

You've already made it VERY clear you like him and he is still hesitant. Forget him.

[lilly1185]

If he says the timing is wrong, for get it.

You also mentioned he tried to make you a drink- sounds to me like he might be looking to fish around in your panties. But y'know, without the hook, line, and sinker.

[dreamergirl]

yeah I think he's already had ample opportunity to take things further... I'm sorry but I think he just sees you as a friend.

[LADiiEKAY]

It Seems To Me You Guys Are Just Close / Best Mates, He Doesn't Like You In That Way And He Only Tried To Make You Think He Likes You That Way So That He Has Someone To Hang Out With When He's Bored, Someone To Play Around With When No One Else Wants Him.

Sooner Or Later He Will Ask For Sex.