Im trying to figure out what she wants

[Nabz]

This is my story

I started a new job about 3 months ago working in a government position. A week into it i met a girl who also started with me. This girl was is amazing. She had a beautiful personality, she was the kind of guy that although may not be a cat walk model, was beautiful in her own way inside and out. By the end of week one we were getting serious. During the first week she told me deeply personal things about herself that occured earlier in her life. Kind of things that only one other person knew at the time. We also spent the training times together, break times together, lunch and by the end of the first week she told me that she asked a friend if i could be the one for her.

Week 2 was more of the same. She gave me her number on the first day. But It appears that i inadvertently offended her on several occasions but all in all we were getting on very well. Due to our cultures, we had already discussed what we wanted in terms of marriage, both partner and how we would like the day to go. Most of the subjects we discussed we both had broadly had similar views on.

The weekend following she told me that she that we would not be able to marry because she had a different cultural background to me and therefore her family would not accept. It was at this point i felt she pushed me off a cliff. The kind of magic, the click we had just dissapeared. Things went down hill from here. she then told me about another guy elsewhere she was due to marry that she was in contact with. she also told me about another guy in the local area that was acceptable culturally that she was going to go with. Cruicially, there was a point after all this where she looked through my phonebook of my phone and thru my pictures. I felt this was significant.

Due to me being a total pratt and going too far with jokes, we went thru a 2 month blanking period where we didnt talk at all. But during this time, there were times where there would be off glances towards each other but nothing concrete. My mate who also works here told me that there was a certain reaction from her when she would come on to our floor and saw me walking about. so i decided enough was enough. i bought her her favourite sweet and sent it up 2 her. since which the same mate now thinks she has changed and gone happier. he said she happier and more willing to speak to him after this had happened. She also speaks to me directly as well although at the moment its always about work.

So all this time i weas under the impression that she had a bf

However, ANOTHER mate at work who gets on with her very well and met her before i did advised that she told him about a guy she liked who she met recently, didnt talk to but saw alot. This seems to fit me. this also tells me that she probably aint in a realtionship.

So i tried to do things like email her at work but she doesnt really give me a lot to go on. we had a religious event recently and i asked her via email what she was doing and we had a pleasent chat. straight after this she came on to my floor to call for another person to go home. as soon as she walked in she saw me, i saw her and then she walked past and went bright red. when she returned a few minutes later to walk out the door her friend was saying bye to everyone in the office who was in my direction and she was looking also. she was looking at me and i was looking at her but neither did anything.

That about brings us up to date. there have been times since when i have caught her looking at me when im laughing and joking with other girls in the office.

I also texted her just before writing this to wish her well on a course she is going on tomorrow, but she is not giving me anything to pull forward on. this weas someone who gave me her number initially, used to fall asleep on my arm and was so forward previously.


I really like her and would love to be with her. can anyone advise on how best to tackle this?

Thanks in advance for your help

[kms]

Well... you don't mention what culture either of you are from... are you from the same culture? And it sounds like you're from the same religion, since you mentioned that you had a religious event (and I have a pretty good idea what it is since the event was recent).

In collectivistic societies (and in religious families), families have a LOT of influence over their children's potential spouses. So it is possible that she really is interested in you, but if her family was against it, she probably felt that she had no choice. There are countless movies and soap operas in other countries based on this tragic story. Sometimes families know best... other times, they simply want to follow their culture or prejudices. It's unfortunate when the religion (that I'm guessing you follow) gives you the freedom to choose your spouse, yet many cultures forget that and deny their youth their right to do so.

I have to say that even as a white American, if my (very religious) family doesn't approve of my potential spouse, that is a VERY big deal for me. If I were absolutely certain about him, I would probably do it anyway (esp since my religious views are different from theirs), but it would cause a lot of turmoil and stress in the family - and I might even risk being disowned (depending on the race and religion of the person). My parents would rather I be with a nominal Christian than a devout, practicing individual from another religion, heaven forbid. Anyway, my point is that family most definitely plays a huge role, and females tend to be more sensitive to their parents' wishes (not always, but often this is the case).

In addition, it sounds like she may be a bit naive or inexperienced... or young... she sounds almost like she's in it for the attention and for the rush of getting a bunch of guys lined up, pining away for her. You said she's supposed to marry one guy, but then there's another guy, and she's really into you but can't be with you...?? And does her family know about all these guys? She may also have no idea what she wants in a potential partner, and perhaps has low self esteem too. She can feel better about herself having a wide variety of men interested, but may not be actually interested in them herself since it sounds like she's not really taking any steps further with them.

But, without knowing more details, it's hard to really guess what is really going on. A person's background and worldview can completely change the reality of what is really happening, since the meaning behind actions and behaviors can be completely different from culture to culture.