i don't know whether i love her

[alexander.a.b.c]

(please excuse my poor english......my native language isn't english.....but i do want some pieces of advice)

i am a graduate student. she is one of my classmates. we met each other 2 month ago and have fallen in love for nearly 1 month. this evening she asked me to take a walk with her and she told me her experience with her previous boy friend. They had been together for 3 years when she was still an undergraduate before enrolled in my university for the master degree. They just broke up 3 month ago. She still remembered the first day she fell in love with her previous boy friend. She said that it was better for me to know it. She also said she was very serious to her affection and she loved me very much. When she was saying these words, i could see tears in her eyes.

she is my first girl friend. several weeks ago, she asked to hold hands with me and i complied. She also asked me whether i loved her. i said "yes" at that moment. however, now, i have a feeling that she only treat me as a boy who could comfort her for her broken affection. suddenly i have a feeling that i was lied. i even do not know whether i love her now, although i try my best to pretend i care nothing about her past......what should i do? what should i tell her?

[gina.c]

To me it doesn't seem like the two of you are in love. It may be that you think you love her only because she admits the feeling toward you, when in fact neither of you love another. I agree with you that she may just be trying to mend her broken heart from her last boyfriend because 2 months is not enough time to fall in love. I think you should give it time & see if things change or get better, perhaps it wasn't meant to be. Good luck!

[Sanctuary]

It may be that you think you love her only because she admits the feeling toward you

Yes, do you only love her because she loves you and shows attention to you?

[alexander.a.b.c]

well, i don't know whether that feeling is "love". when i saw her, i felt happy. when she was away, i could not help thinking what she was doing and when she would be back. but i don't know whether these feelings will last for a long time. these days it seems i care her past more and more and i even cannot face her and have to spend a lot of time on my studies and projects to distract my own attention. however, i pretend nothing changed in my mind in front of her. if she had no boy friend before she met me, i think the things would be much simpler.

she is good at searching information on internet. so i had to choose a foreign site for advice. i am afraid that she will see my posts and feel hurt.

[Sanctuary]

I might be wrong but.. I think you like her a lot. And now that you think that she might not love you, you're afraid to love her.

Even if these feelings don't last forever, then so what? I know it feels like the relationship you have right now is very special but sometimes these things don't always last forever in the end. Try to enjoy the relationship right now and if you both learn something from it and become better people, it was not all for nothing.

however, now, i have a feeling that she only treat me as a boy who could comfort her for her broken affection.

You've been together 2 months. It sounds like this girl really likes you. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have told you about her boyfriend (or at least that is what I think). You should tell her what you said up there about you being there to 'comfort her broken affection' and try to work things out. It sounds like if you don't solve this problem, it will slowly destroy the relationship.

[alexander.a.b.c]

And now that you think that she might not love you, you're afraid to love her.

Thanks very much! Now I know that is the exact reason why i am so depressed. Your words make my mind much clear. i will cherish the current relationship. maybe i should act with more courage.