Do nice guys finish last?

[James1388]

I feel like I get sh!t on a lot because I am a nice guy. My last relationship I tried so hard to make my girlfriend think she was a princess and based on her past she had been treated like sh!t by guys. I was the first guy to treat her nicely and drop things for her. She would tell me that I was holding it over her head that I did these things for her even if I really wasn't. She is also much more immature than I was as far as what we both wanted out of the relationship.

Anyway, I know that I am hearing that girls don't like guys that are jerks but is it that I need to find a happy medium and not be overly nice as I was?

[Chupacabras]

...I was the first guy to treat her nicely and drop things for her...

There's what you did wrong. It seems to be pretty common for young guys to get mixed up on the nice guy/jerk thing. Women like men, but young women don't yet understand the difference between a man and a jerk so they gravitate toward the jerk.

Basically, don't drop everything for a woman. Continue to have your own life and don't be at her beck and call. Don't just do things she wants to do; plan things that you want to do and invite her to join you. Still be a gentleman and hold doors, pull out chairs etc. Women do not want someone they can control and push around but they want a man.

My usual advice on these topics is to recommend renting the John Wayne movie The Quiet Man. If you need any further clarification, don't be afraid to ask!

[Moe]

Holy Crap are you dating my Ex. LOL
I did the same thing, my Ex is a fixer and she dated and was married to JERKS, one beat her regularly, one was a druggie and another an alcoholic.
Even after dumping me she said no one ever loved her or treated her so well. Oh she's with a crack head now. Go figure. And she 36 so not to young.
When I was younger I was a jerky kinda guy, mean to everyone fought all the time and you know what girls were everywhere since growing up so to speak women like the bad boy attitude still. Oh I'm now 46 and it looks like the old bar fights may be a good thing. It's been a while just hope it don't hurt as much as when I was younger.

I feel like I get sh!t on a lot because I am a nice guy. My last relationship I tried so hard to make my girlfriend think she was a princess and based on her past she had been treated like sh!t by guys. I was the first guy to treat her nicely and drop things for her. She would tell me that I was holding it over her head that I did these things for her even if I really wasn't. She is also much more immature than I was as far as what we both wanted out of the relationship.

Anyway, I know that I am hearing that girls don't like guys that are jerks but is it that I need to find a happy medium and not be overly nice as I was?

[James1388]

She got around a lot and now I just feel so used and abused. I am/was a really good kid in high school and still am. I feel like shit she is trying to get me in trouble with the law/school/everything
I am trying to move on from her but she is throwing these things in my face. She is ridiculous, I am leaving her alone and she still gets the dean of students involved. I only bothered her for like 24 hours of her stupid life (trying to find answers of why) because I couldnt let go. She said leave me alone and didn't give me my keys back or anything. She has really screwed me up in my head about girls. I just need to find a good girl because she was not a good person and I know that I am.

[lovexkaly]

i would say i'm a very nice girl looking for a nice guy. i can't say i've seeked out the bad boy types. i've seen so many friends be ripped apart from the bad guys, i've always tried to steer clear from that. so the nice guys i meet, the ones who seem so nice, the ones i end up falling for, always end up hurting me in the end. i'm beginning to think nice guys just don't exist.

now, when a guy tells me he's a "nice guy" i'm thinking, how can i trust that?

[rateyes]

i would say i'm a very nice girl looking for a nice guy. i can't say i've seeked out the bad boy types. i've seen so many friends be ripped apart from the bad guys, i've always tried to steer clear from that. so the nice guys i meet, the ones who seem so nice, the ones i end up falling for, always end up hurting me in the end. i'm beginning to think nice guys just don't exist.

now, when a guy tells me he's a "nice guy" i'm thinking, how can i trust that?

cuz your falling into the players trap. hes frontin a nice guy cuz thats what your into. Its not hard to pretend to be something your not to get a girl.

[erbnman35]

I'm not a lady, but I'd say this, get hobbies, interests, something that YOUR into, this gives off an aura to other women and if your genuine about your interests which you will be then it's not used in a predatory fashion and instead shows passion & entusiasm, stay single for a while, grab experiences which enables you to have stories and good views on things, by being single as well, you then come off self assured but at the same time due to being single so long your a nice guy as well, that is the balance my friend and as long as you treat the women right, all will be well......... Just remember to listen! Be an ear to lend and don't always voice your opinions unless your aware of what the outcome will be. This has been my only mistake in life.

[Rosinha]

I personally want a man, not a 'nice guy'. I dont' want anyone dropping anything for me for example. He can love me more then football but still prefer to watch it when it is on, I know I do...
I think women like good men overall, not nice guys. Independent but interested, emotionally attached but physically too. Women don't want to be in control of the relationship all the time.
You need to find a good balance. Know when to listen but also know when to act. Know when to back down but also know when to stand firm.

[sookie6]

I would say just be yourself. You'll eventually find the right person for you!

[TheWizard]

I'm not a women, but sounds like Boring vs Interesting. 'Nice Guy' gets thrown around a lot and so does 'Jerk', but do you know what that really means?

'Nice Guy' - Worships the ground a female walks on, puts them on a pedestal and pretty much is there at a woman's call. You're being "nice" the way grandma taught you to woo a girl (but that only works in Asian cultures like Japan where this is the norm and expected). Imagine for a second if you were being treated this way. Kind of gets annoying doesn't it to have 6 texts a day, someone always agree with you and always checking to make sure you are ok or happy with a decision rather than just making one and leading them along etc etc. Clingy to your presence and always paying for everything... Almost seems like the person is trying to buy you out with other things because just their company alone isn't enough to solidify the relationship. Every guy starts this way, and every man learns it's not the way to do it. Put a little back bone in you and stand up for yourself, and learn that it's ok to say "No, I'm busy". The nice guy generally finishes last because he does all the things every guy always does and doesn't entertain women for very long before they move on.

Nice Guys think they are being gracious and giving a woman what they want. What they actually do is make women incredibly uncomfortable by paying for expensive dinners that make them say "oh god another one of these guys, he wants to get me in bed and now I have some kind of obligation because he's buying me all these things - how do I get out of this". It's a weird symptom of societies twist on relationships.

'Jerk' - A jerk is not yet a man, but not a nice guy. Generally a Jerk has all the qualities that appeal to women without any of the characteristics that would otherwise make them a man. They haven't yet figured out that they can treat their lady like a lady that feels loved and appreciated while also still maintaining his ability to do all the things that make him a man and thus got the woman's interest in the first place. The Jerk his own hobbies, his own friends, and he'd rather spend time with them than the girl. He doesn't worship a woman but puts her on generally lower ground instead, which is worse imo. It's like the reverse of the nice guy where the girl is always seeking the approval of the man rather than the Nice guy that's trying to get approval of the girl. These are the ones that break hearts horribly and do all sorts of heinous things that the 'Nice guy' would "never do to a girl ever".

'Man' - Confident and comfortable in his own skin. Does what he wants most of the time because that's how he is, and invites a women into his world, rather than scrounging to get in theirs. Doesn't sweat the little things, moves slowly and has a "leader of the pack" type of mentality. He's busy, important - or at least conveys that he is - and occupied most of the time with things that are important to him outside of the relationship. He takes women along for the ride without seeking their approval, but treats a women with respect and love. He makes his woman feel special, but never clamors after them like a nice guy does typically - which makes that feeling of the girl being special to him all the more rewarding and exciting. It's a mix of the Jerk and the Nice guy that has matured, and I reckon every women is looking for, but never really finds. They do exist though, try and be one it will help.

Hope that helps a little

[Only-virgins]

i would say i'm a very nice girl looking for a nice guy. i can't say i've seeked out the bad boy types. i've seen so many friends be ripped apart from the bad guys, i've always tried to steer clear from that. so the nice guys i meet, the ones who seem so nice, the ones i end up falling for, always end up hurting me in the end. i'm beginning to think nice guys just don't exist.

You sound like every girl who dates assholes.

[Moe]

See it works both ways nice guys are also tired of being abused.
I've been made fun of by women for,
opening a door for them,
standing when they get up at a restaurant,
if they work late having there dinner ready,
Just respecting some has seen me in trouble.
I can go on and on.
Yes it usually leads to a break-up because I will not be made fun of.
I've also been a successful business owner raised 6 kids on my own and so on.
I honestly think most women I've dated were jealous. I in fact know one was because she later said I stole her kids from her. Well showing then attention instead of playing on the computer or sitting on a deck instead of being with your kids. I got then interested in things other then the tubes.
Go figure, their loss of a good man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i would say i'm a very nice girl looking for a nice guy. i can't say i've seeked out the bad boy types. i've seen so many friends be ripped apart from the bad guys, i've always tried to steer clear from that. so the nice guys i meet, the ones who seem so nice, the ones i end up falling for, always end up hurting me in the end. i'm beginning to think nice guys just don't exist.

now, when a guy tells me he's a "nice guy" i'm thinking, how can i trust that?

[chrisy]

Some women do like nice guys (I do like/prefer nice guys). There's a difference between a nice guy and a doormat. A nice guy with a strong sense of self is an unbeatable combination!

[JoeyJR]

It all just depends on the girl. I treat my GF like a princess, she loves it. Lol. Plus I am super afectionate and romantic with the conrniest lines trying to express how much I like her and just overall treat her really nice. She's the same with me, I think it just depends on the person, etc. My past GF's werent like this though, they would get kind of spooked out, they would think I was a little weird due to too much afection. I could tell it in there face just alone in there face expression, etc Some girls like it, some don't, not that they don't but just get a girl that'll be the same towards you. I found mine, and its wonderful.

[Sanctuary]

Yes, nice guys finish last. But they will eventually finish.