Need an older woman's perspective on sex drive

[OpenEyes]

Hello!

I'm new to the forum and this is only my 4th post. I'm dating a woman a bit older than me, she's 42 and I'm 34. During the first few months sex was pretty often and we were both really open with each other, it felt like we were very compatible. A few months later now, it seems she has completely lost her sex drive. She says that she doesn't know why, but it's just gone. She has had some unusual stuff going on with her body, so perhaps it's just hormonal. Her period has been sporadic, once it started only 2 weeks after her last.

I'm a very sexual person and I expect great sex in the relationship. I've tried to be understanding, but it's really hard to go a few weeks without. Plus, on the rare occasions when she actually does make love to me, it's like she's not into it at all. It's just like I read on a post here, "she looks up at me like I'm blocking her sun when she's trying to get a tan", lol. It seems to me that even though she's not in the mood that once in a while she could at least try to go with the flow. Is it wrong of me to think this way? It seems way too early in the relationship to have this issue. If it's happening now, what will it be like a year from now? Is it just a phase that she's going through?

It's been a while since I was in a relationship and I know that I probably want sex more than usual. I'm not forceful and I really try to leave it up to her. It seems that she doesn't respond to my efforts to set the mood. Maybe I'm just going about it wrong, but I feel that I have the right to be a sexual person. What do you think I should do?

Thanks in advance!

[vashti]

It sounds like she is menopausal. (pretty early, too.) You can expect her hormones to be out of whack, and yes, this will have an effect on her sex drive, although to what extent is hard to say.

EDIT: There ARE medications that can help. read this: [url]http://www.epigee.org/menopause/sexdrive.html[/url]

[kms]

Yeah I would say the same thing, it sounds like menopause, although it is a bit early. Sounds like she needs to get to the doctor to see what's going on. Hopefully there isn't anything more serious than that going on. If she's seeing the beginnings of menopause, her hormones will be so messed up that it may be hard for her to feel like having sex, or to even be wet enough. But after she gets through it few months to a year), she should be fine, although it may take her some time to get used to the way everything feels, since it'll be different. And she may have trouble getting wet enough, so lubrication is essential.

[Gigabitch]

I don't know what to tell you. I'm 41 and I want sex pretty much every day.

[OpenEyes]

Vashti and KMS - I've been wondering if that was the case, sounds like you're probably right. She has a doctors appointment, we'll see what comes of that. She also took birth control a few months ago and didn't like the side effects, so maybe that is still messing with her too. Time will tell, and I'm more than patient. :-)

Gigabitch - Are you single? LOL, J/K!!!

[vashti]

Birth control pills can also have an effect your menstrual cycle and sex drive, and really, she is past the age where they are generally recommended because of increased risk of other side effects.

I would find another form of birth control that doesn't mess with the hormones...