Guys, I need your input! Are these signs he's interested?

[hotsauce]

Fellas, please read the following and let me know if he is interested but cautious to not cross the line, **OR** he's uniterested and just being nice. Here goes...

I have a crush on a colleague, but he's attached and I'm attached (we're both aware of that). The crush sort of crept up on me, and I do want the feelings to go away, but there's a nagging voice wondering if he's attracted to me. I'll try to keep this short as possible.

I went to visit him in his office a week ago. He looked a bit annoyed at first when I knocked and I hesitated before walking in, when he saw it was me, I flashed a smile and asked if I could come in. He did return the smile. I asked him something business related, and then the conversation turned to dealing w/ workplace stress. The tone was somewhat of a conversation between friends. Keep in mind he never offered me to have a seat so I stood and talked the entire time. He then proceded to ask me what my holiday plans were. Mine really weren't anything big, but he shared his plans which were far more exciting than mine. We continued to engage in more conversation asking a few questions about our significant other. He shared a few more things with me job related and his distaste for certain aspects and personnel at the job. He also said I'm really the only person whom he shares these thoughts. BTW, he's about 15 years older than I am. I'm somewhat comfortable talking to him, but the age difference and the fact that he is my superior (even though I don't report directly to him) intimidates me.

Fellas, please let me know if this is someone drawn to me, or does he just see me as a pleasant person to talk to here on the job?

I consider myself very attractive and have been told I have a sweet persona, I probably could work on being more assertive b/c I know he picks up my timidness.

Thanks for any input.

[valhensing]

there isnt any signs...

[hotsauce]

valhensing-- meaning no signs he's remotely interested?

[cheeze_guy]

well if you don't like who you are with now then I you should ask him how he would feel if the 2 of you spent time together but really he isn't showing any interest from what you are writing.

[Sanctuary]

I consider myself very attractive and have been told I have a sweet personal

If this is true, then you automatically attract 90% of the guys out there provided that you don't have low intelligence or something. Being timid is actually more attractive (from most guys' point of view) than being assertive too.

I would venture to say that he's possibly interested but since he's attached, he doesn't want to ruin what he has. Also, you're attached too so that lowers his incentive for making a move even more.

Just give him a warm smile every time you see him and if he doesn't make a move, then leave it.

[davidtorres]

so you mean youre trying to cheat and trying to make him cheat?

15 years older than you? are you looking for a daddy? seriously, things like that will never work out. also, this is work place. im guessing he has a higher position at your work than you? isnt that conflict of interest?

[TheWizard]

no signs, and since you're attached and he's attached let it go. Attraction like that is totally biological and normal, but you can't act every time it happens like "could he be the one!?".

My advice is to quit while you're ahead, because if anything comes of it you'll both be in for a world of hurt.

[shheadz]

I don't see any signs of anything. Sounds like typical work place chit-chat. Even if you sense an attraction.. and there might be some.. he's not making any attempts to move on that attraction. He's possibly very happy with his current partner.

[hotsauce]

Thanks EVERYONE for your replies.

I'm rarely ever attracted to anyone, so I'm trying to understand and come to terms with the strong feelings I have for my co-worker. I guess in my mind I feel my feelings should somehow be reciprocated despite the consequences. Maybe I'm reading more into our typical workplace chitchat. I see shheadz point. It's just....**sigh***....he's always so serious, intense, intimidating, but he smiles and genuine smile when he sees me. --And he has such a handsome smile.

I know this type of thinking and feelings are not acceptable and very detrimental which is why I'm trying to let the feelings go.

[kms]

Being that it sounds like you've hardly had any meaningful conversations with him, your attraction is purely physical, aka chemical. Physical attraction happens all the time, regardless of our relationship status. The key is to understanding that it's purely hormones and that it'll pass in a relatively short period of time. (search for Helen Fisher in YouTube - she's a scientist who has done quite a bit of research in the chemicals behind 'love').

There are bigger issues at stake here. It is HIGHLY unethical - you could lose your job, and you would be cheating (so one or both of you would lose your relationships - and that's only IF he decided to reciprocate). A baseless attraction is really not worth all that.

If you aren't feeling satisfied in your current relationship, then you need to spend time figuring out why that is and talking with your partner - not looking for your unfulfilled needs elsewhere, at the peril of your career. That could haunt you for the rest of your life.