Girl I went on a date with was sexually abused...Run?

[Dogtoast]

So the girl I went on a date with the other night told me she was sexually abused by her father from age 6-10. I've always been under the impression that victims of sexual abuse are TOTALLY screwed up. She said she's been in therapy for a while for it and has been able to get over the issues she's had. Still....I dunno. I've only HEARD that sex abuse victims are screwed up, however I don't want to judge because I don't know her and haven't experienced it for myself. Something tells me that I should not get involved though.

Anybody have any insight on this issue?

Thankya

[vashti]

Not everyone who suffered sexual abuse is screwed up. People CAN (and do) recover sufficiently that they are capable of healthy relationships. What you need to determine is whether or not the abuse defines her as a person. Based on the fact that she mentioned this to you on a first date, I would say she DOES define herself this way, and I would be very careful about moving forward.

[Dogtoast]

Not everyone who suffered sexual abuse is screwed up. People CAN (and do) recover sufficiently that they are capable of healthy relationships. What you need to determine is whether or not the abuse defines her as a person. Based on the fact that she mentioned this to you on a first date, I would say she DOES define herself this way, and I would be very careful about moving forward.

Yeah I thought it odd for her to mention it on the first date. I asked her what was up with her father because she was talking about her mother and her step dad so I kinda prompted it, but still. She said she's proud that she's overcome it and that's why she tells everyone about it and doesn't keep it a secret.

[Chupacabras]

Give it a second date and see how it goes.

This is a lot of baggage to take on... guess it's your call but lots of times when people talk about how proud they are of being over something, there's a good chance they're not.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe she just wanted to make sure you had the information so you had the option to cut and run before she invested too much time.

[Dogtoast]

Give it a second date and see how it goes.

This is a lot of baggage to take on... guess it's your call but lots of times when people talk about how proud they are of being over something, there's a good chance they're not.

Maybe she just wanted to make sure you had the information so you had the option to cut and run before she invested too much time.

Chup: Yes this could be more baggage than I'm willing to take on.

GB: She definitely wanted to be as up front as possible with just about everything. She wanted me to know she's ready for marriage/kids, and essentially doesn't want to waste her time. I want to get married and have kids and all that, but that's at least 5 years out for me. She's 30 and I'm 26, I don't want to waste anyone's time....but I just don't know yet. She's a cool chick and I'll check her out a few more times at least to see whats up.

I'm still on the fence about the sexual abuse thing....it just scares me.

[NeoSeminole]

if you don't think you're good enough to approach girls in person, then you deserve whatever bottom-of-the-barrel scraps you find online. I've said this many times on LF - stop meeting girls online. The people who usually resort to dating websites have issues.

[qwertz]

Its a bit odd that she told you on a first date. Its just not something to talk about as openly as she seemed to..regardless of how 'over it' she is.

[misombra]

run.
_____________

[whaywardj]

I'd be more concerned over why she outs with that kind of information on a first date.

[loverman1]

we all have issues and it does'nt matter if she did or not, if you like her you would surport her and be understanding..i don't understand why you would run? its not a caring thing to do..she wants to date you, so if you like her, then date her

[shheadz]

I don't know man. It really depends on the conversation that led up to her revelation. If she really is that serious about finding a long term relationship leading to marriage, kids, etc, then I can understand her wanting to clear the air about everything up front. You should ask yourself though, why does she need to get that out in the open now? Does she anticipate problems in the future related to her abuse, so she wants to warn you now? What kind of problems is she anticipating?

I can truly understand that everyone deserves a chance at romance regardless of their past. It's not her fault those things happened to her, and she shouldn't have to spend the rest of her life being a dating periah because of it. But are you really the guy she needs in her life right now? You could really cause her a lot of emotional damage if you're not willing and able to give her the kind of support she needs.

I guess it really depends on how much you like the woman.

[IndiReloaded]

Based on the fact that she mentioned this to you on a first date,

This^ was the red flag for me as well. Overshare.

[CocoChanel]

run.
_____________

I'm with Misombra.
Runaway.
And I'm with NeoSeminole.
Stop finding girls online.

[Dogtoast]

I think I'm going to give her another chance, and really try to feel her out. If i don't think something is going to develop I'm not going to string her along. She's a really nice girl and she doesn't deserve that.

Yeah the whole online dating thing was paid for up front for a year....soo I'm kinda just making use of it. I'm still regularly talking to the girl I met on Halloween and she'll be back in town in a week.