Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

[shheadz]

I don't have any reason to think my ex ever cheated on me, but I'm curious about human nature.

She was engaged to a guy when she was 18-19. Supposedly he was the love of her life. He cheated on her, and got another girl pregnant. She was telling me about this one night, and very casually said, "I mean, it doesn't matter really. I cheated on him a couple times too". Hrm..

Now if this guy was the love of her life, and she cheated on him, what's to stop her from cheating on me? I'm just curious, because If I hear these same things from future girlfriends I'm wondering if I should run! If a girl/guy can cheat so easily in her past, are they likely life long cheaters?

[Wiredbomb0]

My opinion is, that if they cheat once, they are more then likely going to cheat again. Normally I'd try and stay away from people like that, because in a relationship you need trust and if she's cheated once before; doesn't really show that she's trustworthy now does it?

That's not to say that people change, as usually the most common reason for a person to cheat on their partner is of revenge (their partner cheated and so they are returning the favor).

It's up to you on how much you trust her, and you'll have to figure out if she is worth trusting.

Good luck!

[starbuck]

I'm not sure you can always say that a cheater will be a repeat offender. But as Wiredbomb says, why take the risk?

I also don't agree that most common reason for a person to cheat is revenge. There are scads of other reasons. A very long list here: [url]http://marriage.about.com/cs/infidelity/qt/whycheat.htm[/url]

[girl68]

I disagree completely. Thought the cheater must realize how wrong it really is.

Think about it your ex was 19 maybe even younger when she cheated, she was stupid and didn't know the consequences. By no means am I excusing her poor choices it just gives a reason. Maybe she 'grew up' and realized that it's not acceptable to do this in relationships. Maybe it was out of revenge.

I think it really depends. If a guy or gal is out cheating all the time, time and time again. Gets busted promises to change and gets busted months later for cheating... I would say yes... he is always a cheater.

But if the guy or gal cheats once, or has one long affair gets busted, goes to counselling and fixes whatever relationship or personal issues there are. And knows how he wronged his or her partner then I would say that type of person is capable of not always being a cheater and will never cheat again.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Revenge is definitely not the most common reason for cheating. I'd more lean towards temptation or lack of something in the relationship.

Sometimes people are not getting the attention they would want from their s/o, but someone else comes along and gives it to them. Sometimes it's emotional attention,other times it's physical.

Revenge is so damn high school and lame. I would quicker leave you than be just as dumb as you for cheating on me. It would make me just as bad as you.

As stated before, unless it is a repeated cheater that only feels sorry when they get caught, it's not impossible for one slip up to be just a slip up.

[lahnnabell]

I've cheated twice. It was lame and stupid, but I understand why I did it.

I cheated on one of my emotionally abusive exes. Our relationship was at its end, and I was so upset over giving it my all and having it still crash and burn that I began to find solace in a man who was far more loving and attentive. I felt dead and just wanted something to fill the void. A reminder that I was attractive and desirable. After about a month of seeing this other man once a week, I broke it off with my ex.

This new "relationship" quickly turned into a rebound relationship that did not last more than 2 months. I realized my feelings for him were fleeting and that I was being selfish. Another guy I was interested in ended up kissing me spontaneously while I was still with my rebound. I then broke things off with the rebound to date the new guy.

No worries. Karma bit me in the ass the following year when the new new guy broke up with me while we were traveling through Europe.

[lahnnabell]

For the record, I have not cheated since. That was all back in 2006. I understand the dynamics of cheating and being cheated on, and would not ever do it again.

I do not necessarily believe that a cheater will always cheat. However, once someone cheats, repairing the relationship is that much harder. Not only do you have to deal with the issues that spurred the cheating, but you have to deal with the lack of trust that cheating itself has caused. Double whammy. By the time it comes out that someone was cheating, many couples just don't have the energy for it.

You both have to really want it. More often than not it's one party that wants it more than the other. Either the cheater needs to feel better about the mistakes they made and "fix things", or the other is so "in love with" (I would call this "dependent") upon the cheater that they want to stay.

But the memories of the cheating never go away. That's what I wouldn't be able to deal with. Hence why I broke it off with the guys I cheated on promptly. I knew going backwards would only mean bad things.

[Perryville]

I don't believe that old "once a cheater", idea, but why even take the chance? If you are cheated on, end the relationship, so that you won't have to.

[shheadz]

I cheated on one of my emotionally abusive exes. Our relationship was at its end, and I was so upset over giving it my all and having it still crash and burn that I began to find solace in a man

That's kind of the thing. Once someone learns to use cheating as an outlet for their unhappiness in a relationship, are they likely to continue going back to that anytime they're having love problems.

[lahnnabell]

Well, I have not gone back to those ways. If someone is in a long-term relationship and begins to cheat well into that time frame, it usually stems from sort of unhappiness in the relationship itself.

For example, my ex was emotionally abusive when he wasn't being emotionally distant. It doesn't mean that I was right to cheat, but I didn't do it to hurt my boyfriend, or for sex. I wanted the attention I was lacking in my relationship. Also, I was young. I didn't have my standards all fleshed out and was still in the process of learning what I wanted from a relationship.

Now I am much more equipped at how to deal with relationship issues. I learned that I need non-sexual, loving contact consistently, and that I shouldn't settle on a man who can't provide those things I need.

[lahnnabell]

However, not everyone learns effectively from their relationships. Some people continue to make the same mistakes over and over. Relationships start with self-love. If you don't know how to love yourself, and admire your best qualities, how can you admire and love another? It's important to have that period of singledom in between relationships to learn and grow from the experience. Especially if you plan on continuing dating, as most do.

My mother helped instill a strong sense of confidence in me from an early age. She always made sure I knew she loved me and that I could accomplish great things. This contributes to my positive self-image, and enables me to be open to learning more about myself and others.

[Gigabitch]

Well, my husband cheated on an ex and I decided to trust him anyway. I keep both eyes open, though, and he doesn't get carte blanche like someone who never did that might. I'm very vigilant.