Biggest frustration w/Dating

[jollymon]

I am just out of a long term relationship which I now look back on as the biggest learning experience of my life. So, after taking time to regroup and refocus I will shortly be entering the world of dating.

Because it's been a couple of years since I've been in the dating mix it seems like there's a lot more "baggage" in the dating world than I remember. Rest assured after what I went thru I'm not jumping back into anything & my radar is up to make sure I don't go thru that hell again.

For those of you who have been in the dating world for awhile and are over 30 could you let me know what is your biggest frustration with dating. IN talking to my single friends it seems there are some common findings and I want to make sure before I go down that path again I do my homework.

[Liz]

Just don't go into it assuming that all the good ones are taken already, lol. I thought it would be tough to meet people because I am quite shy and don't go to bars, clubs etc. but it was quite the opposite for me, I was approached all the time in everyday situations like the supermarket. You may find you enjoy dating more now...I know I did. I have more self confidence then I did in my 20's so I was able to be more selective. In my 20's I would wait by the phone for a guy to call, at 32 I had alot more going on in my life so I was looking for a guy to fit into MY life. You are right, there is alot more baggage, but that's just because by your 30's people usually have had 1 or 2 long adult relationships that include living together, or marriage and children. Most of the guys I met when I in my 20's hadn't even had a serious relationship yet.

[Chupacabras]

Women that are totally career focused
Women that don't realize their pussies have a shelf-life
Text/email rejections
Princess drama when they're old enough to know better

There's a lot of good in the over 30 dating scene, too, namely a huge reduction in game playing and drama (there are still princesses out there, it's just not as bad).

[azilin]

There's a lot of good in the over 30 dating scene, too, namely a huge reduction in game playing and drama (there are still princesses out there, it's just not as bad).

I was on the market in my late 30's and again now in my early 50's. There's a complete shift in the zeitgeist from what I experienced in the mid 90's. I couldn't beat 'em off with a stick in '93, and these days, even an online search mechanism that people pay to be in, only produces losers and damaged goods. I only dated one of the 200 or so women I was presented with, and she turned out to have Packrat Syndrome.

And it's not that my looks are any worse; in fact, they're better, as I'm down to my ideal weight.

I think what happens is that people get burned out on relationships, more picky / cautious / indifferent, and generally gun shy and/or baggage laden. Plus people start to be less healthy, have general aging / appearance issues, etc. Little psychological quirks blossom into full blown neuroses. Stuff like that. The center does not hold.

In my experience, the ones who are still out there trying are mostly the dumber ones. There is still hope before 40; after 50, people are moving from the expansion phase of life, to the contraction phase, and it's suddenly hitting them: they're too old for this shit. I mean, look at all the raw drama on this forum. At my age you start realizing it's inherent -- it's never going to end -- and why bother. Why not have some peace in whatever good years are left to you.

That's my theory, anyway. Let the Pollyannas start singing.

Of course, you still sleep alone, and think, surely it'd be nice to have someone curled up purring contentedly in your arms. You go to see some sight or other and think, it'd be nice to share this with someone. And then you forget, you're only fantasizing about little happy vignettes, and you're forgetting all the posturing, drama, and general estrogen that would go along with that. And so you relent.

We never learn. My Dad was widowed at 84 and was in love like a schoolboy at 86, God help him. Oh, wait ... God did help him, he was dead within that year.