This sucks.

[Seveer]

All right, I know this is going to be fairly long, but bare with me.

I've known this boy, Derek, for about 4 years now. I began dating Derek in high school. We had a great relationship. Worse came to worse eventually though.. a lot of things happened, which left him with no place to go. So, he lived at my house for almost a year. That year put a lot of stress on our relationship.. being practically under each others noses at all times. So, he eventually moved out and we broke up.

Ok, that aside. We stopped talking for awhile. He got another girlfriend, and a week before Thanksgiving, she left him. He needed someone, so he called me. We never talked that much, but we both really have a lot of trust in each other. I ended up inviting him to our Thanksgiving dinner, since he then had nowhere to go.

I never did get over him. I may have moved on, but he still had a huge part of me.

We began talking more and more. He needed a shoulder to lean on, and I'm the type of person who would never turn the other cheek. So I tried. He got better and worse, better and worse. But, regardless, I was there. I listened to him talk about her. It killed me, but I did.

Skipping to now, she's talking to him again. She's asked him and his roommate to go to a movie Monday night. Since she's asked for a third party, its probably nothing romantic. I worry that she's just going to tag him along like she's been doing, or hurt him really bad again. He's basically put his life on a standstill for her. She doesn't deserve him.

I was with him today. His car broke down, so I was driving him around today. We went to the bookstore, got lunch, and then went back to his apartment. Then we just chilled out for a bit. We watched cartoons and he tried to teach me to juggle (I fail, btw). Then we went to his friend's apartment to watch a movie..

On the way back, he was talking to me.. He still does have feelings for me. He's confused about what he's going to do about the whole ex situation. He said that when he left me, I did nothing. Which, I did. He fought to get back together with that girl in the beginning. Although, they're not together right now, at least he tried. I never did. I'm a very passive-aggressive person, so I just took it.

I guess, what I'm asking.. Is how to win someone back? If I could develop a relationship with him, it'd be a lot to me. I understand that it doesn't always work.. but I can say that I tried. I see an opportunity, and I want to take it. This feels like a sappy love story. -_-

We've been in love before, so maybe it can happen again. So..
I'm epic fail at flirting. How do you flirt, but subtly..? He flirts with me whenever I'm with him, but I'm horrible with it. And, how can I win him back?

[Konsig]

I guess, what I'm asking.. Is how to win someone back? If I could develop a relationship with him, it'd be a lot to me. I understand that it doesn't always work.. but I can say that I tried. I see an opportunity, and I want to take it. This feels like a sappy love story. -_-

First, the good news: it really seems as if you do have a chance/opportunity here. You two get along fine, and he's talking about your previous relationship and his feelings towards you...

But then, a question you have to ask yourself: what has changed since your last relationship? What will make it work this time?

* Have you changed? Are you willing to change, to invest more, to bear more? (I'm not saying it's a good idea - I'm saying it's a way)
* Has he changed? Did he come to new conclusions?
* Has your life situation changed? Are you two in better parts of your lives no, so that a relationship is not an extra burden but a joy?

If you want to try it again, there's two things to do:
* let him know, by flirting, being playful, seductive, teasing. Touch his arm when he makes you laugh, make a slightly-sexual innuendo from time to time ("want me to sit on the chair like that, or do you get in between first?"), arouse him a bit without showing that you know you do. Wink.
* "convince" yourself and him that this time, it may work. Offcourse, you never know for sure, but make it show that you believe, and get him to believe (or want to try) as well.

[Seveer]

* Have you changed? Are you willing to change, to invest more, to bear more? (I'm not saying it's a good idea - I'm saying it's a way)
* Has he changed? Did he come to new conclusions?
* Has your life situation changed? Are you two in better parts of your lives no, so that a relationship is not an extra burden but a joy?

* Communication was a key problem for us. I've always been very shy and to myself. Not so much anymore. He says he sees this change in me. I mean, now when I go to see him, communication isn't a problem.
Age was another thing. He's three years older than me. So when he was living in my house, I was 16/17.. he was 19. Now I'm 18 and he's 21. He'd always feel bad about anything intimate because of the age gap, but now it doesn't matter.
I can say that the few year we were together, were my happiest. I'd do anything for it again.

* As far as him changing. He's realized what he did to me. Although we weren't bitter when he left. It was just an understanding that, at that time, it just wasn't going to work. He feels that pain of being left. It hurts all the same.

* He lives in his own apartment now with his roommate. I'm still at home, but just until I'm out of high school I think..
Another thing, he has brought up me moving into his apartment. I don't know if he really has his heart set on it, if he really wants to. He hasn't mentioned it within the last few days, but it has been recent.

I feel selfish, but he even told me last night.. that if I'm not selfish, and I don't act on it, there's just no way. I want him to be happy, no doubt.. but preferably happy with me...

[Konsig]

You'll beat yourself up over it later if you don't try again.

I feel selfish, but he even told me last night.. that if I'm not selfish, and I don't act on it, there's just no way. I want him to be happy, no doubt.. but preferably happy with me...

This is pretty much a green light for him. Do what you're most comfortable with: either bluntly tell him you DO want to try again, or seduce him, making it clear that way : )

Good luck (and have fun ;))

[martial_wolf]

Yeah, go for it. He's putting signs out there alright. With the flirting thing, don't worry about that so much just act normally. It'll just happen. It's obviously what you want, so just try it out.

[Seveer]

I don't know anymore.. He's going to see a movie tonight with her, but his roommate is coming along too. She made it clear that she wanted a third party.
I was with him today, and then I took him to work because his car isn't working. It's so difficult to listen to him talk about her because it makes me believe that there is just no way for us. He's so far into this girl. I think I'm losing hope..
But it's not like I can just forget about him, because I'm the only person he trusts with all of this. I'm the shoulder to cry on. I'm afraid that's all I am..