Hopeless and in love

[prettypistol]

Ok, so. I totally need advice.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year. And I care about him, and he has done so much for me ect, but I’m not in love with him anymore.
We still get along, and I don’t think he even really knows I feel this way. We don’t have a sex life, which is HUGE for me. I am not attracted to him anymore, whatsoever really.

But, here’s the tricky part…. I have fallen in love with his Cousin. I know, call Jerry Springer. This is not a typical situation for me, as I am usually a loyal girlfriend. Said cousin LIVES with my boyfriend along with cousin #2. The two brothers (boyfriends cousins) have always been two of my best friends, but over the past few months there has been such a connection with the one I’m now really into. And I know he feels the same way. He is just… perfect for me. We have so much fun together, and we both want each other so badly. I've never felt like this about someone...

I don’t know what to do. I’m miserable. I don’t want to be with boyfriend anymore, but couldn’t bare to leave him for a family member! That’s so beyond cruel.
The cousin is all I think about, I’m in love. He’s in love with me. It would all be so wonderful, if it weren’t for this terrible situation.

I don’t even know what advice can be given… but anything would be a real help. Apologies for the rant...

[Peter Pry]

It's not about loyalty. You're out of love with him. If there is no possibility of your love returning, then you're ethically obligated to break up with him now so that he can find someone who will love him. Never mind his cousin; you need to break up with him because right now, you're stringing him along.

Whether you then pursue the cousin is a completely different matter. I'd probably wait to see how the breakup goes first. But then I'd probably go for it. Love is rare. Life is short.

[Heratriumphant]

Don't leave him for a family member, leave him because it's the right thing to do.

You need to avoid contact with the cousin. Sometimes life sends us people we love, but aren't able to have. It's tough breaks, but that's the way it goes.

If you're really honest with yourself you KNOW there is no future with the cousin. Too many lines have been crossed that can never be uncrossed and if you go there one (if not both) of you will end up resenting the other.

[starbuck]

Well, you know you need to break up with your boyfriend, so there's not much more to add there.

And I think you know that dating the cousin is a gigantic mistake. As much as you might feel "in love" with the cousin, could it be that you're so unhappy with your boyfriend, you've grabbed the closest guy in proximity to transfer all your passion to? Whatever the case, situations like this can tear a family apart. If you care about both guys, you have to see how it's a bad idea.

[prettypistol]

Thanks so much for the advice.

I wouldn't even think about the cousin, if we both hadn't felt this way for almost 6 months now. It's got nothing to do with any kind of rebound situation. I know it's wrong. I feel like a really terrible person. But I don't think I can ignore what is going on with the cousin... he's becoming so much more to me then anyone I've ever been with.
*sigh* :[

[prettypistol]

Lol, sorry to keep going on with the dramatics of my love life.

But I can't leave the boyfriend yet... without totally wrecking his life...
He has a holidays, concerts and a whole bunch of other stuff set up for us for the next like, 6 months. I can't just throw all that in his face. He is so good to me I wish I loved him. I do. But... I don't! meh.

[whaywardj]

Bullshit. Got nothing to do with plans he's made or how good he's been to you. You just haven't got the guts to tell him the truth and are, likely, waiting for a circumstance or event to present itself -- likely, in some dramatic way -- that will let you off the hook of having to tell him.

That's a kind of girl whose "love" I don't need.

[Peter Pry]

Lol, sorry to keep going on with the dramatics of my love life.

But I can't leave the boyfriend yet... without totally wrecking his life...
He has a holidays, concerts and a whole bunch of other stuff set up for us for the next like, 6 months. I can't just throw all that in his face. He is so good to me I wish I loved him. I do. But... I don't! meh.

There is never a "good time" to break up with someone. Although you probably shouldn't feel obligated to do it during Christmas, you do need to do it, and soon. There will always be a concert, future plans, etc. You're not "throwing them in his face." You're breaking up with him because you're not in love. Staying with him and forcing him to be with someone who is never going to love him back is far crueler than canceling a few plans.

As far as the cousin is concerned: falling in love is not wrong. It happened to happen between you and someone your current (soon to be former) boyfriend is close to.... but that is not wrong, in fact, it's likely because your boyfriend's family/friends/roomates/whatever are the very people you are most likely to meet. There is no reason to feel guilty or wrong about it. It's just that it may hurt your current bf, and you care about his feelings. That is an important consideration and one that you should take very seriously. But so are your feelings.

[Heratriumphant]

Lol, sorry to keep going on with the dramatics of my love life.

But I can't leave the boyfriend yet... without totally wrecking his life...
He has a holidays, concerts and a whole bunch of other stuff set up for us for the next like, 6 months. I can't just throw all that in his face. He is so good to me I wish I loved him. I do. But... I don't! meh.

Your thinking on this is wrong.

His sense of betrayal will be huge if you half heartedly go through with all these plans. He'll end up feeling used and lied to.

Mind you, he is going to be upset either way.

However knowing that you put thought and time and $$$ into romantic plans with someone who was just pretending to love you is a horrible god awful feeling. It colors the memories and experiences in a very ugly way.

You think your softening the blow, but what you're doing is leading your BF on, giving him false hope and lieing to him about how you feel.

[noralkk]

If u don't tell him the truth, that's the most cruel thing...