Friend having affair...what to do?

[cjt1971]

This is the first time I have posted.......had to find someone to ask!!! as I am in a horrible situation.

A very good friend of mine has confided in me a couple of days ago that she is cheating on her husband. Although they have been together for 20 years, I knew she was unhappy and that someone new had shown interest in her. I mucked about and took the mick as I they both flirted with each other. I appreciated it was a boost to my friends confidence that in her words, a man 18 years her junior found her attractive, but I never for one minute thought she would take it any further. Well now she has and I am really struggling to know what to do, say, how to react etc. it is horrible. I feel like I am the one who has cheated! She and her husband are spending the day with my family on Christmas Eve and I am so nervous.....at the moment I am just so angry with her, that I don't know if I can do it. ???

[Chupacabras]

Don't "do" anything about it ie. don't go telling her husband or even talk to her about it. What an unfair thing she did, burdening you with her cheaters guilt! Just because she chose to involve you in this, you don't have to be drug into it.

[speakerspoke]

Hmmm have you considered a holiday surprise Jerry Springer style intervention?

[cjt1971]

I wouldn't tell her husband.....I couldn't, anyway that's not up to me. I am just really angry with her at the moment and don't understand my own feelings. I can't believe how much time I am spending stressing over this.....am pretty certain it is more than her, not even sure whether there is something wrong with me for it to bother me so much.

She was unhappy in her marriage and her husband at times was a bit of a prat. If she had chosen to leave it would have been difficult and upsetting for everyone, but I would have respected her decision, now I am just angry with her and feel awful for her husband.

[speakerspoke]

You should ask her to post on here; I'll mediate.

[starbuck]

Of course you're angry. You feel outraged that your friend has betrayed her husband. Most people with pretty high moral standards would.

Do they have any children together?

[cjt1971]

No, her son is grown up and out of it. The other bloke is also married with kids, but to be honest that is up to him. I just cannot believe my friend has gone and done something so stupid. She has always been there to advise me and stick her opinion in! and I just feel foolish now for listening to someone who can be be daft, can make such bad choices and has such a low opinion of herself.

I do feel mean though, I don't want to be so angry with her as I realise this is all down to low self esteem on her part and the fact that a "young" man has paid her so much attention, but I still can't help wanting to scream at her!

[starbuck]

Have you communicated the fact that you're upset with her? I mean now you're being put in a position where you have to lie to people, and it's not really that fair to you. I would definitely tell her let her know how you feel about the affair and how you feel about being complicit in her affair.

Then take a step back and don't get involved in their drama. This is something she needs to sort out with herself and husband and you can only really let her know that you feel it's wrong.

[IndiReloaded]

Walk a mile in another's shoes... you don't know their relationship so you shouldn't involve yourself.

This is something she needs to sort out with herself and husband and you can only really let her know that you feel it's wrong.

This^ is about all you can say. The messenger always get crapped on, don't go there.

[killer123]

its tough my frnd but u see its a al2gether very complex prob its better u jus wait n watch wat is happning next dats all u can do......jus judge d things how dey going in ur case d situation itself wil provide a solution dats all don panic tc frnd god blesss

[Perryville]

971, You need to tell your "friend", that you won't be a party to this deception, and for her to take her cheating somewhere else. You will have to distance yourself from her husband, also. If he asks why, refer him to his wife, and then don't get involved, any more.

[Only-virgins]

Tell her husband and I am not kidding. Yea you haven't walked a mile in her shoes...who cares? the truth is the truth. They will be upset but all you did was tell the truth. Eh, you won't anyways so whatever. Think about it this way. If you were cheated on would you want to know? If I was him I would want to know and would be grateful to the person who came forward.

[misombra]

ov, have you ever been in this position?

i have. i said something thinking it was the right thing to do and it blew up right in my face. i turned into the bad guy and caused a lot of pain and stress in my own life.

i would keep my mouth shut.

[vashti]

She shouldn't have told you since your husband is a mutual friend, and you should not have been put in a position to lie, but in the end, I think you should stay out of it. You may not be privy to other things that are going on in her marriage (he may have his own thing going on), and she may have very legitimate reasons for not divorcing him.

[Raze]

Just stay out of it. I think that's the only thing you can do. Sometimes, people need to learn things the hard way.