The "Nice Boy" Syndrome

[Gribble]

Truly nice people help others without needing to be rewarded. The reward is in the deed itself. That's what I'm getting at, and possibly what Coco is getting at. The "Nice guys" we're talking about aren't being chivalrous for the sake of it. They're needy. They need constant reassurance and attention, and I can completely understand how that would get annoying after a while.

On the reverse, nice people smile and say thank you when someone does somethin for them. It's a two-way street. If a guy holds the door open for you at 7-11 you say thanks, right? You don't just walk by.

I put a lot of thought into my sister's Christmas gift this year. I'm not going to lie. I was as expectant to see her reaction as she was to see her gift. For me it was a huge reward to see her face light up. Does that make me selfish? Does that mean I need constant reassurance? I do nice things because making the people I care about happy fills me with joy.

[CocoChanel]

Truly nice people help others without needing to be rewarded. The reward is in the deed itself. That's what I'm getting at, and possibly what Coco is getting at. The "Nice guys" we're talking about aren't being chivalrous for the sake of it. They're needy. They need constant reassurance and attention, and I can completely understand how that would get annoying after a while.

Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Thanks

[BoredGeorge]

Women want good looking men.

[shheadz]

The whole opening doors thing is dead anyway. I haven't been to a store or restaurant in forever that doesn't have a double set of doors. You can open the first set, but she's opening the next one. haha

[chump4u]

The problem with nice boys is that you are too much to handle. You can be very annoying, too clingy and too sensitive. You treat women like they are porcelain dolls and that is annoying as hell. I can open the door for my damn self. I would like to hear you actually say my name instead of sugarplum and gumdrop sweetie pie.

Coco, have you ever actually met a guy who was "too much to handle" because he was annoyingly attentive (clingy), too sensitive, and so on? Or, are you simply repeating what you've heard from someone else?

[CocoChanel]

Coco, have you ever actually met a guy who was "too much to handle" because he was annoyingly attentive (clingy), too sensitive, and so on? Or, are you simply repeating what you've heard from someone else?

I have met several guys who were that way. Several of my guy friends are that way with their women. Your point?

[chump4u]

I have met several guys who were that way. Several of my guy friends are that way with their women. Your point?

My point is that I don't believe that stereotypical "nice guys" actually exist. I think that the Uber-NiceGuy that you girls preach hate against is just an imaginary creature that you've created to justify your poor choices in men.

[CocoChanel]

Oooh is that what you think? Tough shit.

[vashti]

Coco, have you ever actually met a guy who was "too much to handle" because he was annoyingly attentive (clingy), too sensitive, and so on? Or, are you simply repeating what you've heard from someone else?

I have known guys like this... they DO exist, just as there are women who behave this way.

I just think that some younger girls are so unaccustomed to good manners, they mistake them for a sign of weakness.

[chump4u]

Oooh is that what you think? Tough shit.

How dare you say that. You are a cruel, heartless bitch.

[ctom18]

I've always kinda thought the whole "I'm a nice guy, why doesn't anyone like me?" thing is kind of a cop out.

Girls don't not like you because of the fact you are nice. They don't like you because you aren't confident and you make them do all the work because you're too shy/nice to make a move on them.

Making a move on a girl isn't mean. If all the right signals are there, the best thing a guy could do to her is to make a move (kiss her, etc.) Thats what she wants you to do.

So-called nice guys, or at least the types of guys who whine about no one liking them because they're nice, are usually the last people to make these sorts of moves on girls. Girls don't want to deal with all this passive aggressive BS, so they move on.

I'm a guy, so take my opinion for what it's worth.

[nickyQ]

Maybe some nice boy looks too nervous and boring,girl like romance,but finally,they will choose nice boy to be with her life

[thrillaveza]

in my experiences, i've been "the nice guy". having that with girls only sets you up for the friend zone. they might be like "aww that sweet etc." in the beginning, but eventually they will get bored and annoyed. not necessarily you should be a bad ass or anything but take bits of what they got and put it in the mix.

like for me, i was the typical nice guy that was always there for her(responded fast to texts, notifications, IM convos and had always asking if she wanted to hang out). i always showed gestures that i was interested and such but was blinded by my own optimism that the feelings she had for me went away fast. but this girl was kind of a bitch, in a sense that she had me still pursuing her and not telling me of her current love interest. i should have played it cool, and discarded my urges; so then it'd be a bit more mysterious and would have kept her interested in me.

all in all, girls want guys who have time for themselves. i just believe that whole bad boy thing gets old.

[BoredGeorge]

Sorry guys, women under 27 are bad... you'll be hard pressed to find a decent one. Only way to make the situation work for you is if you are a good looking man.

[starbuck]

Yes, because a smile is huge payment for a kind gesture. Please.

We're not talking about a guy being nice to a girl because he hopes he'll get laid for it.

You keep on opening those doors, Gribble. There's nothing wrong with simply wanting to see someone else happy.

Unfortunately our culture is becoming so self-centered, that people suspect ulterior motives when someone makes even the smallest gesture of kindness.