The "Nice Boy" Syndrome

[shheadz]

You keep on opening those doors, Gribble. There's nothing wrong with simply wanting to see someone else happy.

Unfortunately our culture has become a place where most people are so self-centered, they suspect ulterior motives when someone makes even the smallest gesture of kindness.

There's no reason to suspect ulterior motives with Gribble. He's already made it clear he does nice things for his own personal gratification. He doesn't open the door for his girl because it's the right thing to do. He does it to elicit a response from her. I open doors for my girlfriend, but I couldn't care less if she says thank you. I do it because it's how I was raised, and I don't need a smile and thank you from her to feel good about myself.

Now I could be and probably am wrong about Gribble. We're simply using him as an example of a certain type of a "nice guy". The nice guy that dotes on his girlfriend because he's insecure, and needs a constant pat on the head every time he does a good deed.

[Gribble]

What kind of pathetic man dotes on a woman without the desire to see her made happier, and how in the ever-loving hell is that in any way self-serving? I do nice things because I like to see women smile and their eyes twinkle. I must be a selfish and utterly insecure son of a bitch... Yeah. That makes perfect sense.

Talk about being pussy-whipped, shheadz. You go right along doing what you were "raised" to do for your unappreciative girlfriend if that's what gets your rocks off.

[shheadz]

What kind of pathetic man dotes on a woman without the desire to see her made happier, and how in the ever-loving hell is that in any way self-serving? I do nice things because I like to see women smile and their eyes twinkle. I must be a selfish and utterly insecure son of a bitch... Yeah. That makes perfect sense.

Sorry, you have no idea what you're talking about. Maybe I've read more on human behavior than you, but I'll fill you in using your own examples:

You have no idea what a simple joy it is for me to lift a heavy object for a woman and to have her coo in awe of my strength

yet you have no idea what a joy it is for me to open that door and be rewarded with a smile

For me it was a huge reward to see her face light up.

Am I making this any more clear for you? You're doing nice things for people for your own personal self-gratification, and not because it's the right thing to do.

[Gribble]

I can't speak to you anymore. I don't know what's wrong with you. I don't know if you're trying to be funny. I don't know if you really are this pathetic.

In either case, this is pointless. Enjoy being used and discarded by women who apparently don't give a damn about you.

[tehwarlock]

His joy to do something that makes her happy. Get it?

[CocoChanel]

But if she doesn't reward him, she's an ungrateful bitch. get it?

[shheadz]

But if she doesn't reward him, she's an ungrateful bitch. get it?

And that's why "nice guys" (or gals) can be a real pain the butt. You have to walk on eggshells around them. You can't be moody cause you're having a bad day, because you know they'll get all butt hurt over it.

[CocoChanel]

Exactly. So if you open a door, carry a bag for her and she doesn't say thank you or... smile... you'll have a fit? It's ridiculous. Maybe she just didn't think to smile afterward or something was on her mind. Doesn't mean the woman is rude and ungrateful.

[shheadz]

haha.. Plus nice guys can be a bit boring. My niece is dating a super swell nice guy, and in 10 years I see them sitting in front of the TV on a Saturday night eating TV dinners. Wow.. how.. exciting.

[s_b]

Does it matter if THEY are BOTH happy doing that?

[irrelevant_89]

^ Very good point. I'm hoping to find a girl that likes that never been a party boy myself

EDIT: reading this thread is actually a bit painful. I fit the "nice boy" stereotype almost entirely, and I see it getting dissed throughout :/. But at least I open doors because I think it's right, not to crack a smile! (and I do it for men too xD)

[starbuck]

haha.. Plus nice guys can be a bit boring. My niece is dating a super swell nice guy, and in 10 years I see them sitting in front of the TV on a Saturday night eating TV dinners. Wow.. how.. exciting.

You never know. Maybe they'll have freaky wild sex after eating those dinners.

[shheadz]

Does it matter if THEY are BOTH happy doing that?

Nope. And that's really the whole point of this thread. Nice guys should stick to dating nice girls, and there wouldn't be a problem.

[CocoChanel]

It's not a matter of whether if they like it or not. I don't see anything wrong with being a gentleman. I just think that nice guys but too much importance on "the little things". Now if he cooked me a meal or something and I just brushed it off or didn't show that I appreciated it... if he was angry and felt I was ungrateful, that's justifiable.

[shheadz]

I just think that nice guys but too much importance on "the little things".

Yeah.. I've been there with a previous girlfriend. That b*tch didn't notice I went out of my way to keep your favorite soda in the fridge! haha And yeah, I got butt hurt over it, and I'm sure that made me a real drag.